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Not divorced yet, but pregnant and engaged.. stbx issues - Page 2

post #21 of 38

ha ha, yes!

post #22 of 38
Thread Starter 

Update.. they did insist that DF does not sleep here when the children are with me (half the week). We now have to see a custody evaluator, which takes 4 months to complete, and will cost $2000-$5000! I have no idea what to do. :( I don't have that kind of money, and my x's parents pay for EVERYTHING for him, on top of him stealing my half of the tax return.

 

I'm losing hope, here, mamas. All I want is to have my children, have my baby with my sweet and wonderful fiance, marry him, and move on with my life.

 

Oh.. I don't know if I addressed this before, but I can get divorced while pregnant. DF and X-H have to sign a statement of parentage, or whatever it's called. Xh wants nothing to do with this baby, so he won't have a problem with that.

post #23 of 38


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SierraBella View Post

Update.. they did insist that DF does not sleep here when the children are with me (half the week). We now have to see a custody evaluator, which takes 4 months to complete, and will cost $2000-$5000! I have no idea what to do. :( I don't have that kind of money, and my x's parents pay for EVERYTHING for him, on top of him stealing my half of the tax return.

 

I'm losing hope, here, mamas. All I want is to have my children, have my baby with my sweet and wonderful fiance, marry him, and move on with my life.

 

Oh.. I don't know if I addressed this before, but I can get divorced while pregnant. DF and X-H have to sign a statement of parentage, or whatever it's called. Xh wants nothing to do with this baby, so he won't have a problem with that.


We had to do the custody evaluation in CA and we are able to make payments on it. The cost was supposed to be split between us and the X but the court ordered for us to pay the whole thing *sigh* Good luck hun. I hope it shows in your favor. Stay strong. You will get through this :)

 

post #24 of 38
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyofalmost6 View Post


 


We had to do the custody evaluation in CA and we are able to make payments on it. The cost was supposed to be split between us and the X but the court ordered for us to pay the whole thing *sigh* Good luck hun. I hope it shows in your favor. Stay strong. You will get through this :)

 



Our custody evaluator requires $2000 by the first appointment. Everything else is costs for if we have to go to trial, mileage beyond 25 miles away (we are about 40 miles away), etc. We might or might not have to pay for DF to get evaluated- the cost covers 3 adults, but Xh also lives with his mother, so there are 4 adults involved.

 

Xh wants me to pay for the whole thing- even though he is the one insisting on getting sole custody- I've been trying to get joint custody this whole time. I think, though, the court says that the person who doesnt get custody in the end, pays for it.

post #25 of 38

Hello,

My name is Melissa I am currently going throught the same thing I am not pregnant. But trying to complete a divorce I left my ex husbnad for physcial and sexual abuse and need to know that the chances of me gettting full custody of my son. He is two years old and his father pays nothing for child support and never sees him because i do not trust him or his new gf. He dose have somewhat of a criminal backkground any infomation would be so helpful thank you

post #26 of 38

I don't have anything helpful to add other than you should do some research about paternity in your state. A child born to a married couple is legally theirs. DH could claim paternity rights if he wants to make trouble. In some state you may be able to resolved the issue with time, tests, and money.

post #27 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa1989 View Post

Hello,

My name is Melissa I am currently going throught the same thing I am not pregnant. But trying to complete a divorce I left my ex husbnad for physcial and sexual abuse and need to know that the chances of me gettting full custody of my son. He is two years old and his father pays nothing for child support and never sees him because i do not trust him or his new gf. He dose have somewhat of a criminal backkground any infomation would be so helpful thank you


 

Melissa...  possession is 9/10 of the law.  File for full physical and legal custody immediately.  If you have any proof of abuse, use it.  Get a restraining order, even if you're afraid it's too late for one- say you were too scared to before, but now things are worse and you're too scared NOT to now.  Keep your son with you and do not hand him over for visitation unless court ordered, which, if you file for custody first, you will have the papers of "proof" if your ex decides to try to keep the child and file for custody himself.  And if it comes to it, there is no such thing as fighting dirty (keep it truthful, but don't hold back) when it comes to keeping your child safe.


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by JudiAU View Post

I don't have anything helpful to add other than you should do some research about paternity in your state. A child born to a married couple is legally theirs. DH could claim paternity rights if he wants to make trouble. In some state you may be able to resolved the issue with time, tests, and money.


 

If DH tries to claim paternity rights, tell him you'll file for child support if he does.  Chances are, he won't want to put that effort in claiming a child that's not his, when it comes to putting his money where his mouth is.

post #28 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudiAU View Post

I don't have anything helpful to add other than you should do some research about paternity in your state. A child born to a married couple is legally theirs. DH could claim paternity rights if he wants to make trouble. In some state you may be able to resolved the issue with time, tests, and money.



We only have to sign a paternity paper in my state. My ex wants nothing to do with this child, and wouldn't want to pay CS, so I am not worried about that aspect of it.

post #29 of 38

I'm in texas. my xh and I had been seperated for awhile but had not filed for divorce due to finances and neither of us could see ourselves getting married again anyway.Then I met my dh, fell in love, got pregnant. I did have to wait til after she was born. We left the fathers name blank on birth cert. but just need to do an acknowledgement of paternity to add dh on. Good luck!

post #30 of 38

I'm sorry you're going through all this :(  I didn't read all the other replies, but yes, it is possible your STBX is legally the father of your baby even if you know he is not. Definitely find out about that. Also, you say you want to get married as soon as you're divorced, but some states don't allow you to get married right away, you have to wait X amount of months (here in Wisconsin it is 6 months). So again, something else you should look into. I'm glad your new guy is so good to you and you've found some support. You also might want to look into some divorce support groups in your area.

 

Ally

post #31 of 38
Thread Starter 

Hi everyone! Baby is born! Still not divorced, but X-h only has to sign a denial of paternity form. 

 

As for getting married right away.. in my state it is 2 weeks after divorce is finalized. But, if we elope to certain counties in NV, there is no waiting period, so we might do that (although 2 weeks is not that much time to wait). 

post #32 of 38

CONGRATS!!!  Girl or boy???  Care to share your birth story?

post #33 of 38

I just have one question for you.  When you filed for divorce did you and your soon to be ex know that you were pregnant. If he didn't know, how well did it work going though the process and were you able to hide it from everyone until the divorce was final?  I ask because I am pregnant, just got my divorce yesterday, but no one knew I was pregnant.  Now I am afraid that something bad can come back on me after the baby was born.  I am not sure what could happen, any ideas?

post #34 of 38

I am so sorry.  :(  I got lucky because my ex couldn't afford his lawyer and so couldn't really stall anymore.  I was married 45 minutes after the divorce was final.  


It did come as a shock to me when the judge asked me if I was pregnant at the hearing, however she then asked both of us if we thought it was possible that the baby was my exes, we both said no, and she declared the child not a chid of the marriage.  

 

I am thinking positive thoughts for you that this goes well and they see through your exes BS.  

post #35 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by razzybazzy View Post

I just have one question for you.  When you filed for divorce did you and your soon to be ex know that you were pregnant. If he didn't know, how well did it work going though the process and were you able to hide it from everyone until the divorce was final?  I ask because I am pregnant, just got my divorce yesterday, but no one knew I was pregnant.  Now I am afraid that something bad can come back on me after the baby was born.  I am not sure what could happen, any ideas?

I don't know what could happen except your ex could file a paternity claim.  As long as it isn't his I don't believe there is anything to worry about.  They might be able to get you on perjury if you directly lied about it.

post #36 of 38
Thread Starter 

I was not pregnant when I filed for divorce. I got pregnant 4 months after with my fiance. 

post #37 of 38

So what finally happened with the custody evaluation? 

post #38 of 38

sierra bella- you may want to visit us over in the single mom forum also
 

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