"Glaringly deficient" social skills?

[darien]

So, like a lot of people on the forum, I'm trying to figure out my kids and their issues/needs.  I just got my ds6's evaluation from the psych this week.  No particular surprises: anxiety/perfectionism, stubborn/strong need to be in control, maladaptive behaviors "inadvertently reinforced by inconsistent child management practices."  He has ADHD behaviors, but not enough for a diagnosis.

One thing that I'm not sure I agree with is that ds has "glaringly deficient" social skills, and that this was a major source of his "interpersonal problems" with peers and adults.  I will admit that ds is not the king of social skills, but this seems way over the top.

Ds has one "buddy" in his class-- another boy who's in trouble all the time.    His two other fave friends transferred to other schools in the middle of the year (not because of ds!  ).  The other kids may get overwhelmed or put off by ds' energy or his antics, but from what I've seen (and I see a lot, because I work down the hall), his classmates don't dislike him.

In fact, he has become sort of a celebrity in the elementary wing, because he's always up to something "interesting."  He has several high school "friends" who make a big deal of him, and he acts "normal" for them.

Ds6 has always been a challenging child, but the kind of "crazy" clowning and obnoxious behavior that led to the school wanting him evaluated started when he started kindergarten.  He's been pulling it at home on occasion, but-- I think this is important-- not with his peers outside of school.  If we go to  the playground, for example, he is likely to walk up to other kids around his age, ask if they want to play, and proceed to play "nicely."  You would never guess this is the same kid from school.

He does have some friends-- and social skills-- outside of school.  This week is Spring Break, and ds was contacted for four playdates (not one of them a schoolmate).  Yesterday, another 6 year old boy came over to play.  They hadn't had a playdate since last summer, but played amicably for almost six hours.  The other boy is not an "easy" child, either, FWIW.  He is on ADHD and anxiety meds, and was almost asked to leave his school earlier this year!

It seems to me that the problem is less ds' social skills and more the classroom setting  /management style of the adults in charge.  School is over in another 6 weeks, so this year is sort of a loss.  I hope that the teacher ds will be getting in the fall will make a big difference, because she is very calm and structured (also, I think she likes ds more than his current teacher).  On the other hand, ds will be in the same place, with the same kids who expect him to act the fool.

Should I be thinking about a different school, so he can have a fresh start? He's not big on transitions, so I would only move him if I was sure he was going to a great situation.  I'd love to just take him out of school (homeschooling was awesome with his big brother), but I can't quit my job! 

[FarmerBeth]

I think from the description with the "maladaptive behaviors inadvertently reinforced by inconsistent child management practices", and the focus on social skills being looked at very much just from the school angle, that the psych evaluation you had wasn't using a very integrative approach, and it doesn't sound like you are getting good family focused care as parents.  There's obviously more going on that allows for the behavioral discrepancy.  Maybe you need a different psychologist to work with who could give more concrete suggestions for his teachers and that will look at different types of environments.  We got very set behind by an annoying psych evaluation that put us off from both the psychologist and the school, instead of doing what we (unfortunately much later) did in getting second opinions and working with someone more helpful.  As far as school changing goes, so much is the particular teacher/student relationship and you can't always tell from the school, but I guess you have to use your best judgement.

[One_Girl]

I just stumbled across this, but I would ask for specific examples and a series of observations of him in class.  My dd had a preschool teacher at Head Start who was sure all of her problems were a result of our home, but when she had my dd observed in the classroom the psychologist doing the observations identified her abrupt manner and unwillingness to listen to students (my dd in particular) to be the actual problem.  When the teacher's supervisors made sure she addressed her interactions with children my dd's troubling behavior stopped almost immediately.  If you have heard wonderful things about the teacher in the next year then I think you shouldn't switch schools, if not try a charter school or if you can afford it a private one. 

[buttercup]

Hi Darien,

One thought is to contact the principal of the school and ask if your son be placed in a classroom without the students you mentioned.  Most schools will tell you they may not be able to honor the request "offically", but there are schools that do what is best for the students.  I would just tell them everything you mentioned in  your post about what you have noticed about his behaviors, including his deficient social skills.  Do you think the current teacher could support you on this request?  I think it would help and prevent the need to transition him to a new school.

My children have IEPs, but this past year I did ask the principal if I could have a certain type of students and a specific student in my daughter's class to help her with her social development and communication skills.  My request was granted.  Just wanted to give you another option.

[Linda on the move]

He will get a fresh start at the beginning of the year, even at the same school. Things get mixed up over the summer. I agree about talking to the principal informally about his placement for next year, and even though I'm usually big about doing everything in writing, I wouldn't put that in writing. I suspect it's something that would need to be done quietly and unofficially.

I would only switch him to a different school if you had the option of an untraditional school, something really different that would better suit his personality. I wouldn't bother to switch him to a different school that is still basically the same school but with different people.

I'm also not really understanding what sort of behaviors he has a school, or why the label given was so strong. What did he do doing the evaluation? Did he cooperate?

[Emmeline II]

I would get a second opinion. It may be that your ds doesn't fit that psychiatrist's vision of ADHD in a boy. And though "glaringly deficient" doesn't seem to fit (the fact that he has friends in and out of school is great ) perhaps he needs help with particular skills. It isn't unusual for for ADHD children to get along better with younger and older children but have more trouble with peers.

My son does better in his primary classroom than in specials/gym/lunch recess because there is more consistency and structure but he still has ADHD as diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a specialty behavior clinic 6 months apart.

Edited by Emmeline II - 4/25/11 at 2:03pm

[AnalogWife]

That's what they said, "Glaringly deficient???"  I'm no psych doc, but the choice of words sounds really subjective and unprofessional.  Siding with the second opinion, and sorry that it happened to you!