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Need your wisdom mama's.. or maybe just some comforting words.

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

So DD's dad hasn't been involved since she was 5 months old. Didn't pay child support until last night when the ORS finally went through, he complained about that and said he wanted to quit his job but then didn't. He found out yesterday (through a family member or friend, I'm guessing) that I am dating someone. I received a bombardment of emails from him, apparently he quit his job and moved back last night. (He lived four hours away). He suddenly wants to be involved with DD...? He also sent things saying he's still in love with me and he's not giving up without a fight and he's heartbroken. Um, this comes out of nowhere being as most our conversations (they are rare) end with him calling me an f'ing b---. His last email last night asked if he could take our 21 month old DD to lunch today. The only reply I sent was no, you can not. You're a stranger to her and I'm not comfortable with that.


We are not married, and he was still going through a divorce when DD was born. His ex-wife has a 4 year old daughter who she has full custody w/o visitation. He also have another child he gave up rights to before that daughter. I haven't had any money and was just waiting until next years tax return to go and get custody made official. I was hoping he would just stay away until then and continue to not call or bother asking about his daughter (he hasn't this entire time anyway) so it would be easier to get visitation taken away.


I was freaking out last night after I got those emails, I was crying for hours just worrying endlessly and I'm now thinking with more of a clear head. He is a very narcissistic person who has no respect for women, told me he hoped I miscarried when I was pregnant, and was emotionally abusive the 5 months I stayed with him. He's difficult to talk to because he IS so narcissistic he see's me as being the person in the wrong, and thinks I'm ruining our daughters life by not 'letting' her parents be together. The only problem is I don't have any REAL evidence against him, besides a few things in the past. His wife would testify against him, and my family would. I got him lying about smoking pot (not sure how seriously they take that) while watching my infant daughter, I have records of him lying about having no money to help and then him going to the bar several times that week (while we still shared a bank account). I also have emails between his wife and him where he was asking her to move away with him while I was 8 months pregnant. I don't know how much weight any of this holds in court.. I'm guessing not much.


I just want to know my options are. I'm broke. He has moved here and wants to see her. I told him I want supervised visits for now, and only if he's regular and consistent because otherwise it does more harm for her than good. (he saw her in November, ignored her the whole time he was with her, she didn't sleep for like two weeks after he left). Legally can I tell him I want supervised visitation? We're not married and she's been with me (solely) since 5 months, and I've paid for everything up until a month ago when he paid 200 a month through ors (grudgingly).


What are his rights? What CAN/SHOULD I do here when I have no money? I think for the most part he'll go along with what I say for now... I'm just not sure what is legal and what isn't.


Thanks in advance.

post #2 of 4
Thread Starter 

That second sentence is supposed to say since last month... not 'night'. Sorry! :)

post #3 of 4

I don't know a lot about this stuff, but I think the fact that he gave up rights to one kid, and has no visitation with the kid from his his ex wife, and she will testify against him is in your favor. 

  Save all emails, texts, etc. Think about only communicating with him in ways that you can show proof of, so that there isn't a bunch of he-said-she-said.

  If you can get the money together, a lawyer would be a good idea. Do you think he is just doing this because he is angry about child support?

post #4 of 4

Is he on the birth certificate? Do not let him kidnap her. File for custody and use a credit card, then pay it off later. If he takes her and there's no custody order, you may not be able to get her back. Make sure you have a copy of her birth certificate and SS card where he can't get it, like at your mom's house or something. If he shows up and becomes argumentative, then call the police and get a restraining order that lists both you and your daughter. Don't answer his calls, and keep documentation of everything he says and does. I hate that so many of us have to go through this. It sucks.

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