am I creating problems for later on???

[tdot mama]

hello.  I am a proud new mom to my ds who is 5 months old.  He is a great baby - totally laid back and easy going.  He is ebf and latched on like a trooper from day one.  But... I am afraid that I may be creating a monster... DS won't nap or sleep unless I am laying beside him.  He eats first and then pacifies on me for anywhere from 10 to 90 minutes before he falls asleep!!! When he is in for the long haul it is uncomfortable for me and sometimes even hurts! I tried to give him a pacifyer but he is not interested... and I tried really hard.  We bed share although to tell you the truth the whole family would get a better nights sleep if he would sleep in his basinette beside the bed... we have a small bed so DH usually bunks on the couch... which is not nice.  He wakes up when I try to put him in the basinette and I don't want him to cio... i just don't agree that going to bed should be a miserable experience for him. 

So ideally i would love to nurse him, rock and sing him a lullaby, and them place him in his bassinette for him to sleep.  But instead, he sleeps between us and wakes up about every 2-3 hours to pacify and I end up sleeping like a sardine... no one is getting restful sleep.

Is the constant need to pacify a phase?  Or am I encouraging it? Will he eventually understand that he can sleep beside our bed and feel safe and secure? Will this come with age?

So sorry for the long message but I'm a new mama and I hope that I am not doing anything wrong!!!

[Shami]

Your title just brought back so many memories for me! I used to ask this question of everything i did. Finally my mom told me, 'honey, you just do what works for you until it doesn't work anymore...and then you change it' That advice really release me from all my worries of what habit am i encouraging. Also, my dd was the same couldn't get her to use a paci, and she would wake up and cry as soon as i put her in the cosleeper...it was even joined to my bed for cryin' out loud! Anyway, that's why i started cosleeping is so that we could all sleep. She night nursed a lot up until she was 2.5, but by then i almost didn't notice. It wasn't until i weaned at nearly age three that she sleeps through the night. She still wakes and snuggles with me or kicks me or head butts me!lol Right around 4 months i got a swing. I put her in there for her daytime naps. She would sleep 2-2.5 hours in her swing. Of course i thought what habit am i creating, but hey, she got great naps that way. If i tried to put her for a nap in her cosleeper, she'd wake within 30minutes...so i did the swing. Sometimes i'd put her in her swing for the first part of her night time sleep too so that i didn't have to got to bed at 8pm. She'd wake at 10 and then i'd head to bed with her. Some kids are just picky sleepers. Some kids sleep great on their own. I'd suggest somehow extending your bed. We had a double bed and put it on the floor and purchased a cheap twin bed to push together. It makes a extra huge king and i love it. Everyone has plenty of space. At this stage, your new parents, just do what works for everyone to get sleep and don't worry about what habits it's creating. I mean, your in the situation you are in because that is the disposition of your new little bundle of joy, NOT because you have created any 'bad' habits. He is too young to have habits, yet. You cannot change his disposition. I personally feel that biologically babies need to feel momma all the time. It's a security thing that is instinctual. Don't expect this kind of attachment need to fade anytime soon ( i thought that way and boy was i wrong). At three and a half she is still so attached and needy. It's her disposition and i cannot change it. Sure you can forcibly change things by making them stay alone for longer periods and letting them cry until they get 'used to it', but i know that is not what you want. So, settle in to this new way of life. This little one is now your side kick 24/7...it's rough at times, but you'll find little breaks to keep your sanity. In the meantime, get a bigger bed. A cheap twin bed to push up to your double is only $100. Oh, and if you decide to stop cosleeping don't feel bad. Just do it gently. There are books you can read to help you make the transition gently. Don't feel bad if you need to change things up for the sake of your marriage or for your own sleep needs. Remember, you have to do what works for everyone.

[Shami]

Since you asked about the need to pacify.  I do think that nursing is a good way to pacify the baby, but every mom has her own limit for this and no one is right or wrong.   I recommend a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution.  I think the author is Elizabeth Pantley?

She recommends this method she called the Pantley Pull Off.  It has to do with unlatching the baby when they are drowsy, but not asleep.  She has steps that you follow to eventually help the babe nurse for nursing's sake and then falling asleep without the nipple in their mouth.  It's a gradual kind of thing and i can't remember all the details.  You could prob. google the pantley pull off and get some hits.  Good luck!

[motherhendoula]

Although i agree with everything the PP said - i do want to say one thing...YOU set the boundaries for this baby , and even though he is very young, you do not need to be a martyr to 90 minute breastfeeding sessions!  My LO is 8 months old and i rarely let him go longer than about 15 minutes.  I also tried the pacifier, it also didnt work....while its true my LO seems to sleep more easily than yours...dont feel that you can set limits...it doesnt make you an ogre...if you cant do more than 30 or 40 minutes ...or 20 minutes, so be it and move on to something else.  Have you tried wearing your baby?  sometimes wearing baby for a little while prior to nap / bed time will help him wind down and maybe go to sleep a little easier.  Also, its OK to keep trying things like the pacifier, and putting him down in hios own bed...one day, he may surprise you!

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by motherhendoula 

Although i agree with everything the PP said - i do want to say one thing...YOU set the boundaries for this baby , and even though he is very young, you do not need to be a martyr to 90 minute breastfeeding sessions!  My LO is 8 months old and i rarely let him go longer than about 15 minutes.  I also tried the pacifier, it also didnt work....while its true my LO seems to sleep more easily than yours...dont feel that you can set limits...it doesnt make you an ogre...if you cant do more than 30 or 40 minutes ...or 20 minutes, so be it and move on to something else.  Have you tried wearing your baby?  sometimes wearing baby for a little while prior to nap / bed time will help him wind down and maybe go to sleep a little easier.  Also, its OK to keep trying things like the pacifier, and putting him down in hios own bed...one day, he may surprise you!

ITA with this. I don't think I've ever nursed for that long. I can feel my skin crawl at the thought of it! 15 minutes is about my top, too.

[tdot mama]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.  I researched the Pantley Pull off and it worked last night and tonight!   I also wil lnot give up on trying to get our lo in his basinette. I am a regular baby wearer and it really does have a soothing affect on him - I will try this on nights when he is not ready for bed time.... although it is time for him to go to bed. Onwards and forwards!!!

[ssh]

Anything you do now that takes care of your baby's needs won't create problems for later on. Babies grow and their needs change so what you do changes. I nursed my DD on demand. She sometimes had long nursing sessions, especially before getting teeth in, meeting a new milestone or a beginning grow spurt. I never could unlatch her until she was asleep. And we co-slept until she decided to sleep in her room alone right after turning 4. Most of the long nursing sessions stopped after all her teeth came in, along with most of the night waking. For the last year and half she goes to sleep on her own and sleeps 10 hours with no issues. Her being a needy demanding baby did not mean she would be a needy demanding child. I think taking care of her needs helped her grow into a secure child who has no sleep issues. I guess the point is, do what works for you and don't worry about your baby getting bad habits.