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Circumcise Debate  

post #1 of 60
Thread Starter 

Hello Mothering Ladies,

 

I was wondering if anyone has some good resources for me.  We are having our first Boy and I am against circumcision however I feel like this is something I should leave up to my husband.  He said that he will do some research before he decides, which I was happy to hear.  Anyway, I doubt he has looked at anything yet, so I was wondering if you all had any good sources of information I could pass along to him. 

 

Thank You in advance!

 

Beachygranola =)

post #2 of 60

There is a whole forum on here filled with great information....

 

 

Here is the link for you

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/list/44/the-case-against-circumcision

post #3 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by HawaiianBlesing View Post

There is a whole forum on here filled with great information....

 

 

Here is the link for you

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/list/44/the-case-against-circumcision

But of course that will only give you the AGAINST side. You'll have to look elsewhere for the reasons TO do it.
post #4 of 60

I went on http://www.drmomma.org and found a place to order a circumcision information binder. I'm in the same situation with my husband. The binder has several articles, DVDs showing the procedure, medical studies, etc. I think it's a good resource if you wanted something to present to him. Mine agreed to look over the material before the baby is born.


 

post #5 of 60
Don't leave it up to your hubby.. that's a cop out. Be firm and tell him no gets cut who lived in your uterus!

http://circumcisiondecisionmaker.com/
post #6 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Be firm and tell him no gets cut who lived in your uterus!/
Or learn the pros and cons of both sides and decide rationally for yourself based on the facts.

You know... either way. smile.gif
post #7 of 60

This website has good info and is published by a very reputable source.  It also does a great job of giving a realistic appraisal of "both sides" of the issue:  http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/pregnancybabies/Circumcision.htm

 

This page can be a great resource for women who are talking to their husbands about circumcision.  Gives you a bit of an insight on why it can be a difficult discussion for them and might help you bring the subject up in the most constructive way.  (sorry for ddc, my sister is due in August!)  http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html

post #8 of 60

This article is very good- http://www.enotalone.com/article/3509.html

I would recommend picking up a copy of the book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision. Amazon has a link entitled look inside which gives a pretty good idea of the content. http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Doctor-About-Circumcision/dp/0446678805

 

Here is an article for you- http://tlctugger.com/Archives/EmpoweredWoman.htm

 

 

 

post #9 of 60

@beachygranola - I was in the same situation a few months ago and did all the research.  These are some great links - especially the one's from Carlyle.  (JulianneW - I wish I had seen those to pass them on but it wouldn't have made a difference in my situation). Personally, I'm against it especially since there is absolutely no medical reason to do it.  However, we ended up getting our son circumcised because of a very complicated interpersonal relationship between myself and my future ex-husband.

 

The point is - you can do all the research you want but in the end you can only do what feels right given your circumstances.  We are looking out for the future and happiness of these little creatures but it's not always easy or even possible to get your way all the time in a relationship.  And given that, no matter what the status of the relationship, it took two to tango, the father/husband does have a say whether we want them to or not.

 

Just my opinion - but having been there and having had to make a decision that wasn't my ideal I can say that all the evidence against circumcision will not sway someone who wants their son circumcised.

post #10 of 60

I just wanted to say that the circumcisiondecisionmaker link does not do a very good job of explaining the significance of circumcision to Jewish people.  I would venture to say they did not talk to any Jews about it while making that site.  I don't know if that applies to you, OP, I just wanted to say something about it because I didn't think that site was very fair or well-researched on that particular topic.

post #11 of 60

I would say just let him watch a video of one being done.  That was enough for me and my DH.

 

But I do agree that if both parties are educated about the process, and the decision still comes down to doing it, it's better than just falling back on a lame reason (like just looking like his dad, or something like that).

post #12 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fireflyx View Post
And given that, no matter what the status of the relationship, it took two to tango, the father/husband does have a say whether we want them to or not.

 

Just my opinion - but having been there and having had to make a decision that wasn't my ideal I can say that all the evidence against circumcision will not sway someone who wants their son circumcised.

It must be tough to feel like your husband has a say in this if you two disagree, since there's no "compromise" on an issue like this, and I agree that it can be a really emotional issue for many men (see the link I posted earlier)!  As Fireflyx mentioned, all the evidence in the world may not change a man's opinion if he's dead set on circumcising.  The nice thing is that your son can choose to get circumcised when he's old enough and mature enough to develop his own opinion.  You can let him be the "tie-breaker," you know?  Really, it's your son's body and HE'S the one who really should have a say!  By circumcising him when he's a baby, you're taking the decision away from him since there's no "undoing it" after it's done.

post #13 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristandthekids View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Be firm and tell him no gets cut who lived in your uterus!/
Or learn the pros and cons of both sides and decide rationally for yourself based on the facts.

You know... either way. smile.gif

The facts never tell you to cut on your newborn baby. The foreskin is not a birth defect.. it is standard equipment for human males.
post #14 of 60

In my opinion, the closest thing to a compromise is to leave your son intact and let him decide for himself. It's really a non-decision.


 

post #15 of 60

http://circumcisiondecisionmaker.com/decide/infant-circumcision/religion/jewish/orthodox/

 

The site actually says this for Conservative Jewish parents:

Circumcision is a strong part of the Orthodox and Conservative Jewish religion as well as Jewish identity and therefore is likely advisable for you.

 

I'm not sure they really need to explain the significance of Jewish circ since most people who feel that way in their religious belief will already have established their own feeling of the significance. I could say more but MDC doesn't want to host religious circ debates. But I did want to chime in and say I do think circumcisiondecisionmaker.com is fair and balanced and does not always discourage circumcision. Each parent needs to do the research. If parents disagree, the wise thing to do is to do nothing (meaning leaving intact). That way, the owner of the penis, the child, gets to choose what he may or may not want to do with his own body part.

Instead of you providing links to dh on my you shouldn't circ, why not have him provide medically backed research on why you should circ the baby. Not feelings, but facts. No medical organization in the entire world recommends routine infant circ. You both can sit down with a list of medically proven pros and cons and hopefully that will help you both feel comfortable with a decision.

 

post #16 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Don't leave it up to your hubby.. that's a cop out. Be firm and tell him no gets cut who lived in your uterus!

http://circumcisiondecisionmaker.com/


A cop out to give your husband a say in what happens to a baby that is as much his as it is mine because it lived in my uterus? That's a new one! 

 

OP I think it's a great idea to get the binder with the video, give him all the information he needs and both of you sit down and discuss it as rational adults. It doesn't sound like he's dead set. Good luck! :)

post #17 of 60

Also, you could suggest to DH that maybe you take the baby home and think about it some more until you can reach a decision you both agree on. Chances are good he won't ever even think about it again at that point and even if he did and you wanted to get DS circumcised you could do it when he is older and sufficient anesthesia will be used. Just an idea!

post #18 of 60

I don't really have any advice to give OP, but good luck with this difficult decision! 

post #19 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post





A cop out to give your husband a say in what happens to a baby that is as much his as it is mine because it lived in my uterus? That's a new one! 


I'm usually on the other side of this kind of thing. I'm always telling the homebirth mamas that they should get their dhs on board.. that its his baby, too. And all hell breaks loose on MDC. Lots of MDC moms gives their dhs little say on vaxes, cloth diapers. pediatricians, babywearing, and such.. they just say "this is how we are doing it". And most good daddies fall in line for the sake of family harmony if nothing else.

But in this case.. the husband is arguing for the irreparable harm of the child.. no harm should come to my child whom I carefully nurtured nine months in the womb and then gave natural childbirth to.
post #20 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamera View Post

In my opinion, the closest thing to a compromise is to leave your son intact and let him decide for himself. It's really a non-decision.


 


yeahthat.gif  Leaving him intact= no decision to be made!  

 

There is no risk to leaving him intact, as long as you know not to ever pull back (retract) his foreskin which is painful and damaging.  The foreskin is fused to the head of the penis in infants and young children, and it has a sphincter at the end that keeps it closed around the penis when the boy is not urinating.  This keeps the meatus and the uretal opening closed off and protected from icky diapers and uncomfortable rubbing against diapers/underwear.  Later on, the foreskin serves an irreplaceable sexual function: first with the tens of thousands of fine-touch receptor nerve endings it contains, and secondly as a shaft that allows the penis to smoothly glide through which makes things more enjoyable for both partners.

 

There are significant risks to circumcision, including severe pain (many to most are still done with NO anesthesia, and the anesthesia that some boys get is not sufficient for such a painful procedure), infection, blood loss, cutting too much skin off (which results in a lifetime of pain), cutting too little skin off (which leads to adhesions and the potential for the "need" to re-circumcise), and a high risk of meatal stenosis later in life.  During the recovery period, the open circumcision wound is daily being exposed to urine (which stings!) and poo (which is an infection risk).

 

You will only have to care for your son's penis for a short while.  But it will be an important part of his body for his entire life.  Leave the decision up to him!  It's super easy to care for an intact penis.  If he wants to be circumcised as an adult it will be less painful and much less risky.  First, his foreskin will already be retractable.  Because a newborn's foreskin is fused to the penis, much in the same way that a fingernail is fused to a finger, the foreskin must be ripped away before it can be crushed and cut.  This is VERY painful.  An adult skips that "step."  An adult will also get full anesthesia (too risky to give to newborns) and sufficient post-op pain medication.  An adult knows what will happen when he chooses to be circumcised.  A newborn is being subjected to a painful surgery and recovery in his first days of life and does not understand why.  An adult's penis is obviously much bigger, and it is easier for the doctor to be precise when cutting.  A newborn's penis is tiny, and there is much more risk of cutting too little/too much or even cutting into the head of the penis itself.  An adult can stand to loose a lot more blood before his health/life is at risk.  A newborn is at risk for critical health complications after losing as little as 1 oz of blood (two tablespoons full).

 

Do check out the Case Against Circumcision forum here at MDC.  Obviously you will encounter many there who are "against circumcision," but there is a wealth of information there about the risks of circumcision and the benefits of leaving babies intact.  Post your question there, and you'll get dozens of recommendations for websites and books to begin your research.

 

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