3.5 yo son in a play based reallllly cool preschool but...i also WORK there...

[heartstringz]

i am a teacher (more like an assistant as its in the woman's home & she pretty much leads and directs us) in a play based pretty darn awesome play school...most of it is based on bev bos' ways.

here is my dilemma, if you will...  but first, a bit about me...

i am ALSO a solo parenting very AP mama. i have to work. i cannot have a play school for preschool agers in my home as it just won't work out right now w/ landlord, etc. but, i've made it work and found my place in probably the coolest, "closest to to what i'm about" preschool around town.  phew.

so the dilemma is that my new job as of a month has my heart hurting when my boss tells me how to parent my son, who is there w/ me some days. she tells me and him what to do. if he whines or asks for me to have hugs or to be w/ me, even in same area, out or in, she more often than not separates us or makes him use  words to communicate what he wants/needs, despite my already knowing 'his language'. he doesn't whine and have lack of communication word-wise w/ anyone else, really. its a mother/kid thang. so this doesn't bug me.   it is a mixed age place so it isn't like i have to be w/ the older kids and not his age...  

boss says it is bothering the other kids. they don't say that but this is what she says it does. that it can be confusing for them if he is whining and 'getting his way' so to speak and they can't get away w/ that.

so. wht to do. it only pisses him off and stresses us both out to no end when she won't let me even comfort or touch him when he is feeling needy of me. he's only a little guy. we are very close. i can easily multi task and be there for the other children, no prob. i've been working w/ kids since i can remember (i'm 40 now) and do it well, even w/ my own kid on hip or in tow.

maybe she's more concerned the other kids won't understand, despite them knowing i'm his MOTHER, not just a teacher/adult there...? maybe she's more concerned what the other parents will think if they see me nurturing HIM??? maybe she is not AP. she has told me she's not an instinctive real nurturing kinda mama...yet she loves kids and is real good at what she does.

my heart hurts. my son needs me now so i gotta close this. sorry so scattered of a post. ya know how it is...

would love your input.

[sapphire_chan]

Would it help matters if you verbalized for your son?

I'd actually ask over in WAHM for the daycare provider mamas to share how they handle being their kid's mom vs the other kid's teacher. I bet this is a really common problem.

[butterfly_mommy]

I have worked as an ECE for many years but came off the floor after I lost my daughter and became a SAHM when preg with my son who is 3 now. In September he started in an awesome play based co-operative preschool that is very much in line with my philosophies. Since it is a co-op parents are expected to work one day a month, I have also done supply work there recently.

When I am working at his school I remind my son that I am his Mama first but that while we are at the school I am also one of his teachers. I tell him that I will be busy with the other children and helping in the room so I may not always be able to meet his needs but that if I am busy he can seek out another teacher. I also remind him that out of school I am all his and try to set aside some time to reconnect after class. I treat him like I do all the children, I am affectionate and have always been an attachment caregiver so I am just as likely to have another child on my lap/holding hands sitting beside me at snack table as I am my son.

I encourage him to use language to communicate his needs as I would any child "hmm, it is hard for me to understand what you want when you just make noises, try telling me with words" If he needs/wants me and I am working with another child I will say "Mama is busy helping "Jack" right now, you can wait for me or you can find "other teacher" to help you" Now in a situation where he is hurt and is not satisfied with comfort from another teacher or looks like he really needs to connect with me in a more mama way I would ask to step off the floor for a few mins and take him with me to the bathroom/office/corner of the room so I can focus on just him. It can be tricky to navigate having your own child in your class but I think it is workable with some clearly defined boundaries and expectations. Good luck mama!