Need to get over "ex"

[LKath]

My ex-husband and I were married for 9 years, together for 11. He was emotionally abusive and also a marajiuana addict (if you don't think it is possible, ask me) for at least 7 of those years. I left him, but I left him because I had no choice. We had an agreement that 'we" (really "he") would work on himself in order to get me back. Well, he cried for 2 months before moving on to some hussy whore as a girlfriend.

SO, we weren't even divorced when the hussy whore started posting things on his facebook wall about how they had f*cked. I was pi**ed and heartbroken. But, I finished filing the papers because I'm trying to be normal and such. Now, this chic is at MY house filling easter baskets for MY children and jumping on the trampoline with MY children and giving them plastic crap.

I do not want to be a bitter ex-wife, but I'm having a hard time. I'm so heart-broken. Plus, he was emotionally abusive to me and he seems perfectly nice to this new girl. I'm not the type of person who wants to inflict pain on another human,but it would be somewhat nice to see that she is not happy either.

What do I do? I am miserable. I'm trying to remember that I wasn't happy,but it doesn't seem to be working...

[lookatreestar]

Originally Posted by LKath 

My ex-husband and I were married for 9 years, together for 11. He was emotionally abusive and also a marajiuana addict (if you don't think it is possible, ask me) for at least 7 of those years. I left him, but I left him because I had no choice. We had an agreement that 'we" (really "he") would work on himself in order to get me back. Well, he cried for 2 months before moving on to some hussy whore as a girlfriend.

SO, we weren't even divorced when the hussy whore started posting things on his facebook wall about how they had f*cked. I was pi**ed and heartbroken. But, I finished filing the papers because I'm trying to be normal and such. Now, this chic is at MY house filling easter baskets for MY children and jumping on the trampoline with MY children and giving them plastic crap.

I do not want to be a bitter ex-wife, but I'm having a hard time. I'm so heart-broken. Plus, he was emotionally abusive to me and he seems perfectly nice to this new girl. I'm not the type of person who wants to inflict pain on another human,but it would be somewhat nice to see that she is not happy either.

What do I do? I am miserable. I'm trying to remember that I wasn't happy,but it doesn't seem to be working...

take it easy on yourself mama, give it time. was he nice to you in the beginning? he sure might be putting on his best for the new gf now, but the first sign of stress or trouble the true colors usually start to show through. plastic easter crap sucks but are they at least safe and cared for? i know its hard... 
 

[syn_ack89]

Time Is needed to get over someone. Talking to someone (maybe a therapist) will help, but just give yourself time to grieve.

[worthy]

With all compassion, I'm wondering why she is at your house?  Perhaps you should set limits on that.

My ex also started a relationship within two months of telling me he wanted a divorce, and he still lives here (long story) but she is NOT allowed here in my (our) house or on my (our) property.  No way.  And she is even an old friend of mine (no longer).

I have been very flexible with my ex in ways that other people would not, but I would not allow the girlfriend in my home.  {{{hugs}}}

[Snowflake777]

Ugh, I'm so sorry mama.

Your ex is being nice with this new woman because the relationship is new. I'm sure he was on his best behaviour when you two started together, right? If he had been a jerk from the get-go then you never would have married him. This woman will eventually see what he's really like.

Take time to grieve and heal. Feelings are weird. Rationally, you know that your ex abused you and that you'll be better off without him, but it still takes time to move on from what you wish things had been. With time your emotions will catch up, and your jealously towards other women in his life will turn to pity.

Focus on yourself, and protecting your kids' emotional well-being during this difficult time.

[mimim]

Time is the only way, I think. Expect waves. Days where you feel better and days where you feel miserable. Keep reminding yourself of the things that made you unhappy and that they would still be there if you were with him still or again. Also, just because he is with someone new, it doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't rather be with you. He just doesn't want to (or can't) make the changes that you require of him.

[AttunedMama]

Plus, she's probably more naive and oblivious than a 'hussy whore'. Own the feelings, but recognize your own baggage w/ regard to other females in this.

Edited to clarify: I can't imagine, as a grown woman, involving myself with a man that quickly, and imposing myself onto another woman's home. I might have pulled some crap like that when I was say, 21 and hadn't dealt with my own abuse issues and self-worth shortcomings...Obviously we know nothing of this new interest of his, but the two of them both sound highly immature. Surround yourself with wise, sane people and safe situations to elevate yourself quickly and leave them behind you!

Edited by AttunedMama - 4/24/11 at 1:48pm

[LKath]

Thank you all so much for your replies! I re-read my post and was embarassed about calling my ex's new girlfriend a hussy whore. I generally am not in the habit of calling other women names. I'm sorry - I was so upset. Anyway, I should clarify that he kept our family home in the divorce. So, she is truly at what is now "his" house, but I still think of it as mine.

I have been seeing a therapist and that has been helping. I know it is going to take time. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was bad.

Thanks so much for listening and offering support. I really appreciate it!