You're right Brant. At the direction of my peds dr I would periodicly attempt to gently retract their foreskins in the bath, but you could tell by looking that it wasn't gonna happen. I was so uncomfortable doing it that the attempts were brief and without any forceing the issue, more like will it? nope. done. I couldn't stand it when the dr would try. i stopped trying myself and had the boys try on their own in the tub with instruction to stop if their was pain. The info I was getting at the time from the dr was that if their foreskins hadn't retracted by then (6 and 7) that they possibly never would. We tried steroid ointments, which in retrospect I wonder if that is what caused DS1's infection. Didn't even get a glimpse of the glans or meatus. Was sent to a urologist that reccomended immediate circumcision for both boys. It's so hard to know what's "normal" when you don't have a penis of your own to compare to and living in the society that we do. I said before that if I had a do-over I would have circ'd them as infants, but probably not. I just feel terrible that they had to be circ'd at the age they were and remember it. I have guilt, though my rational mind knows that my heart was in the right place when I left them intact as infants. I wanted them to make their own choice regarding their own bodies. Damned if you do, damned if you don't feeling. Truthfully, I think the whole experience was more traumatic for me then them. They are resiliant little boogers! At least the urologist did a good job. His stitches were micro-fine and healed without a visible scar.
That must have been a terrible experience. Unfortunately, you seemed to have been given lots of bad advice. Most boys cannot retract the foreskin at 6 and 7. Gently retracting the foreskin from birth can actually exacerbate the problem, causing micro tears and damaging the tissue. While this is unlikely to occur if it happens from time to time, constant manipulation and forcing back of the skin is contraindicated. This is the reason why the best care for an intact penis is doing nothing at all. The median age for retraction is 10 years old. As far as I know, the steroid cream should only be used by teens and adults. Phimosis is really a diagnosis for late teens/adulthood. As long as a child can urinate, it's fine. So, sorry for the experience, but it's highly unlikely that both boys needed to undergo a circumcision at the same time. As the poster above me said, "the biggest problem that the average intact boy will have is that somebody THINKS he has a problem!"