How to cosleep safely in North America

[Kobaby]

We started cosleeping in Japan when DS was
2.5 months. He's 5 months now and we're home. I think I want to continue cosleeping...
But we're in a queen sized bed and sometimes
I see DH roll on DS' little arm :S

How do you cosleep safely in North America? DH doesn't want to take our mattress off the boxspring nor put two mattresses side by side. He likes the idea of co-sleeping Japanese style, but not as we're doing it here in Canada.

I nurse DS to sleep for all naps and bedtime. Cosleeping is for my convenience I guess... That and I love DS little hand finding me in the dark to make sure I'm still there! Would I be able to transfer him easily to a crib or would it involve tears?

Also, is it worth asking DS' pediatrician for sleep advice? I'm afraid we'll be told off for cosleeping :-P

[SustainablParentng]

I need to ask: how do you cosleep Japanese style? Forgive my ignorance but I've never heard of it:) we have had a family bed since the birth of my ds 3.5 yrs ago. Now I sleep with both of my children (3.5yo & 21mo and expecting #3 in Oct) Basically, for us we have never had a problem as long as we followed general family bed safety precautions - no sleeping with an adult who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or a smoker, no heavy pillows or blankets around/near the baby etc. When we were only three (dp, ds and I) the babe always slept in the middle on a queen sized mattress but probably closer to myself - mostly out of logistics (nighttime nursing, diaper changes, snuggling etc.) but it's usually pretty rare for an involved, sober adult to overlay a sleeping babe - just like it's rare for one to fall out of bed:). I'm not sure how cosleeping is viewed by ped's in Canada but here in the US I would never ask for sleeping advice from my Ped. But after my personal 3.5 years experience with different ped's I've learned that there seems to be a fine line between baby health advice/information and just plain old parenting advice/information. I'd personally rather not get parenting advice from my Ped:)

[Schae]

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles.html

Also curious about how you co-sleep Japanese style - sounds interesting :) Have a look at this site for co-sleeping information 

[Kobaby]

Thank you for the links and reassurance! I am leaning towards keeping the baby in bed with us... although I need to get over my fear of DH sleeping on the baby's arm... I was up until 3am last night just watching over them both!!

As for sleeping Japanese style... We were living in an unconventional apartment while we were there, so it wasn't quite as a Japanese family would live. I think the best way to explain it is through pictures, which are on my blog here:

http://reversibledestinybaby.blogspot.com/2011/02/square-room.html

Basically, cosleeping in Japan always felt safe because there was nowhere for the baby to fall, and because our futons covered the entire floor space everyone had enough room. The photo on that blog shows an awful lot of blankets and pillows in hindsight, but I liked that I and the baby had our own duvet and DH had his own. I was able to keep the duvet below the baby's chest while DH had his pulled all the way up. It's a constant struggle to keep the duvet at the right height now that we're back in Canada  :-P

[Shami]

I am planning to buy these baby bumpers. http://www.gobedbug.com/ For our first, i had an Arm's Reach Cosleeper which was used like more of an extension of our bed. Baby rarely slept in there. It was there just in case she started rolling out. The cosleeper could catch her. She slept in my 'armpit'. My arm was always over her head and i knew the moment she moved. And i never put our first baby in between dad and me. I know some say their dh is very aware, but mine is completely unaware of baby while he is sleeping. He doesn't even hear her cry. If my one side hurt or i needed to switch sides for nursing, i flipped me and baby to put our heads at the foot of the bed. I was still next to dh, and baby between me and the cosleeper.

[cristeen]

Honestly, the fact that your DH is not noticing that hes laying on the baby is concerning. Do you wake him when it happens? What does he say? Is he a heavy sleeper?

Cosleeping in a queen can be difficult with 3. We realized after the first night that it wasnt going to work for us. DS and I still cosleep on a queen futon on the floor. DH has his own bed on the boxsprings and bedframe he didnt want to give up. The simple fact is that if your DH isnt willing to do what is necessary to protect your DS at night, you'll have to make some decisions on your own.

There is no reason you cant use separate blankets in the same bed if thats what is going to work for you.

[Kobaby]

I think I have found a solution I'm comfortable with:

http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/turn-your-crib-into-cosleeper.html

[MamitaM]

Your baby should also not be in the middle of the two of you either. Are you using a Snugly baby carrier? You should check out the baby wearing forum and ask about them there. I don't think they are very good for babies. In Canada you could still sleep on a futon either on the floor or on a very low frame. I have a friend who sleeps with her son a very low to the ground mattress and I sleep with my son on my mattress and box spring with out the frame now so it's low to the floor. We both also have a guard rail on the side where our babe sleeps.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

Originally Posted by Kobaby 

I think I have found a solution I'm comfortable with:

http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/turn-your-crib-into-cosleeper.html

We did this with our crib as we only have a double bed.  It worked great.  (The baby still wouldn't sleep in there, but that's a different story!)  The set-up was very secure and roomy.

[elisheva]

I have a guard rail and put baby between me and the guard rail. Also, we always have separate covers for baby - usually a baby quilt tucked under the arms or a sleep sack of some sort. I know the purists say no covers for baby but our house is cold and drafty no matter what the thermostat is set at...

[milkybean]

We had DS between us.  I used one of those very simple positioners for the beginning (just a cloth and then two mesh-covered wedges of foam, that I would put at DS's HIP level, that lightly velcroed together).  DH occasionally rolled and touched one of the wedges...it was enough to wake him up.

Once DH got used to DS being there I took them away.

DS arrived in late May and it was broiling...I sweated off 25 lbs of babyweight in 2 weeks I was so hot, so for the first time ever I didn't need more than a sheet (I have a bedclothes *weight* thing normally, I'll use a comforter even when it's too hot just b/c of the heft), but then that stopped. 

I put my pillow vertically oriented on the bed so I slept WAY down in the bed, and had the sheets etc up to my neck, while DS was up further and the sheets went to his waist.  DH never used sheets anyway.

I had watched DS get the comforter off of him a few times (once by happenstance, couple more times when I purposely put it on him on his face as he slept) and was comfy he could do that.  Also had some magical moments when I "just happened" to wake as weird things were happening and I realized I was wakign up when weird things would happen, and that let go of ALL the fear.

We did have the mattress and boxspring on the floor, though, for me, and that helped DS as well.

If you guys liked it in Japan, dump the bed and get some futons!  Nothin' wrong with creating your OWN space!  Who sees your bedroom besides you guys anyway?

[ZombieMama]

We sidecarred our crib (like the link you posted, OP). I love it. DD doesn't sleep in there, but it's more to keep her safe when she rolls. I'm not comfortable with her sleeping between us because my partner is a heavy sleeper, so this works well for us.