Going from 2 to 3 -- big change or no big deal?

[amitymama]

My daughter just turned 5 and my son is 2.5. I began working as a birth and postnatal doula last year and am really loving it. I've also recently decided to become a childbirth educator and have looked into doing the training for that later this year. My marriage is better than it's ever been, we're finally digging ourselves out of the financial hole we were in for so long when I wasn't bringing in an income and I'm finally getting time to exercise, see friends, travel and take up new hobbies.  

I thought I was done having children but lately I've been thinking that I'd like another. I'd like to experience pregnancy and birth again, breastfeed a newborn again (DS only stopped bf a month ago) and can really imagine a third child slotting right into our hearts. It's the slotting into our lives that I'm worried about! 

Thought my heart and body are saying to have another, the rational (or maybe neurotic!) part of my brain keeps going, "Yeah, but then you'd have to get a bigger car, a bigger house (or lose my office), go through all that sleeplessness and irritability again -- which effects our marriage, couldn't work for awhile so back to financial troubles, no time to do anything for myself, etc.." 

I'm going to be 32 in a couple months so I have plenty of time biologically (I assume so anyway) but my husband is 37 and has said that while he's happy with two, if I really want a third he'd like to do it sooner rather than later as he won't have any more children after he turns 40. I suppose I could wait a year or two still but by then my youngest will be getting ready to go off to school and then it would be like starting over again. Though I suppose in a way it would be quite nice to get the oldest two off to school and then have time to devote to the third? 

Just looking for some insight or advice on deciding whether and when to have a third or whether one's 'broody' feelings will pass and that if it doesn't make sense practically, it might not be a good idea. 

[Katielady]

I've been wondering the exact same thing (and my kids are the same age as yours!) so I'm curious to see what people will say.

I've heard mixed things from moms of three. Some say it's no biggie, others say it was a huge change. I imagine a lot depends on your temperament, that of your partner, and your family circumstances.

[Jaimee]

Wondering the same thing myself as #3 is already on the way (an oops) and I'm freaking out a little about all the changes and how it will affect my two older kids. 

[Peony]

2 to 3 was no big deal while he was a baby. The older #3 gets, the more directions I am pulled in, but still not bad. I seem to be the rarity out of my circle though, most have 3 children, and I was the only one that didn't see it as a huge change. I remember he was 6 months old when 2 of my friends had their 3rd, both called, and was like WTF, you didn't warn me about just how hard this was, but it just wasn't for me. I should certainly say me, because DH had a really hard time with #3. My theory on that one was that I learned to manage two children years before when I had #2 but he rarely had both children, I was always around to wrangle one child, but then with #3, he had to go through what I went through adding #2. 

#3 is a rather mellow little guy which helped big time, and because I had never had a "normal" baby before (one very colicky, screaming child and then another one with medical problems) he REALLY seemed easy to me. And my oldest was 6 when #3 came along, she was a huge help, and had all they been closer, I think it would of been a different story. I'm pg with #4, so now I'm curious how this transition is going to go this time around!

[mama_Agnieszka]

I also didn't find the switch from 2 to 3 that big a deal. My youngest, a boy, is 16 months today.  I think that my girls (6 and 5) are perhaps less thrilled with having him around... But I'm loving it!  The challenge has been more about keeping up with the housework.  But then again, that's always been a challenge for me...

I don't mean to steer this convo in a different direction BUT Peony, would you post to my thread about decide to have more than 3, pretty please?  DH and I are having a tough time deciding!  My thread is here in Family Planning.  THANK YOU!!!

[ZombieMama]

2 to 3 wasn't that big of a deal for me. 3 to 4 was also pretty easy. I'm sort of freaking out about 4 to 5, though... And one day I'd like to have a 6th.

[NZJMama]

2 to 3 was easy peasy for me. 1 to 2 felt like going from 1 to 22 though. Also, #3  was a super easy baby.

[jennybean0722]

Amity, my story is EXACTLY like yours.  2 kids, doula, childbirth ed. I get out often with friends and can travel. But I am 35 and will be 36 soon. I have the baby itch big time!  We just started trying again....I must admit it will be hard to "start over" again, but the way we see it, it will be a little tough for a year or so and then we're "done", kwim?  Our curiosity is getting the better of us and we just feel like there is this other little person that just isn't with us :(  It will be crazy and we will be "older" parents, but wth....every pregnancy no matter what age, has risk.  You should do it...Just think, if you get pregnant now, your baby will be what, around 7 yo when you are forty?  That's not too bad ;)  If we get pregnant now my baby will be four by the time I'm forty....

J

[jodi5]

I have three and it definitely busy...but I love it!  My boys are almost 10, 5.5  and 13 months.  When our youngest was born, it felt more like a family to me, I'm not sure why since obviously we were a family before.  It has been really neat for my oldest as he really got to experience having a new sibling, seeing an ultrasound and helping out at an age where he will remember it.  For my mione, he always wanted to stay a baby and it made him turn into a big boy which was good for him.  For me, it also gave me my first homebirth with a midwife and the most wonderful experience I will always treasure.  It is so nice to have a good experience that I can talk about so really healed me in so many ways.  I was 35 when I got pregnant with Reid which had always been our cut off that we talked about when we got married.  Now I am turning 37 in a few months and it doesn't seem so old after all.  i would even be okay with one more but my dh is feeling very done so I think this will be it.  it definitely is busy with 3 so I wouldn't say it isn't, especially since I work full time.  I was lucky here since we get the one year maternity leave which helped so much.  For cars etc, It is nice if you can get the bigger car, although may not be necessary with the right seats.  We have not upgraded as we wanted to wait until I was back working again.  I bet it was funny watching me trying to reconfigure the seats at 9 months pregnant to fit a booster and 2 carseats across in the back of our car,  I always truly wanted the third though and my dh was not sure about it.  The decision was kind of made for us.  We didn't try but the month and month before I got pregnant, we weren't as careful as usual.  My dh knew this so I think he was starting to soften up a little as well.  My third was probably my best pregnancy even though I was my oldest and the best birth.  My kids love their little brother and I am having so much fun being the mom of 3. 

[Jaimee]

I'm really appreciating all of the replies on this thread!  Thank you for sharing ladies!  I was wondering if any of you wouldn't mind also posting about your third labor/birth in this thread that I started: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1312847/third-labors-and-births-discuss.  I would really love to hear how it went and most importantly WHY you think it progressed as it did.  Thank you for taking the time to share!! 

[lookatreestar]

yeah, mine are 2 and 4 and i know this is going to come up pretty fast. i am leaning towards being done, i do have more time (only 25) but i do not want my kids spaced out 7+ years apart.

[Thyme Mama]

the hardest part of going from 2 - 3 is the housework! eta: the only hard part for me was/is the housework. everything else feels natural. the ergo is my best friend, though.

my kids are 5, 3 and 10 months. our oldest is a "high need" kid, #2 is sweet, quiet and sensitive and the baby is somewhere in the middle. i would describe him as a sensitive tasmanian devil, lol. they are so much fun!

[tellmemore]

We are definitely WTT for #3. Just not sure for how long. My DH was the one to bring it up, and asked for sooner than later. He wants at least one more. My heart is singing! It's just what I wanted him to do. I love my babies SO much! And I am a birthing junkie. Wish I could do it once a year, just for the experience. At home, of course.

I am terrible at keeping up with the house. Part of the problem is that it's tiny, although more than doubling in size this summer. I keep getting rid of stuff, trying to organize better, etc. It's just hard on me. Going places is, too. I'm trying to make myself get over that, but I'm just so tired and someone is bound to have a breakdown if I dare do anything I want to do. We co-sleep, DS is just now 4 and in his own room, DD is 21 months and occasionally will sleep next to him on his queen mattress on the floor. By morning, there are four in our tiny room. Good thing we have a king sized bed with a crib side-carred, rail removed. We need that extra space!

Anyway, I don't want to be done. So I might as well go for it. I'm thinking about the spacing though and wondering if I should get my ideal springtime baby (my 1st was, loved the season!) Or... give my booby baby more time. We are trying to night wean, but I'm sorta lazy at it. I'm not at all against tandem, but am unsure how I'd keep up on the calories. I am already underweight and trying to keep myself healthy while running after these two crazies. DS nursed until he was 23 mos, I was 20 wks pg with DD. I sometimes have regrets on letting that go so soon, especially as I see now how much of a baby my DD is. Major nurser, 24/7! By this time in my oldests life, I was already pg. It's shocking to me to think about in a way, but then all of my babies are good for each other. And good for me. Among all the thoughts going through my head, I guess my biggest concern is not robbing my baby of her babyhood, but not having them so far apart at the same time. I got my 27 month gap with the first two. Ooooh...

Sorry for the hijack. I think we have a lot of the same kinds of thoughts here. Thanks! I really needed to type this out. Read other's thoughts. I was just looking for a WTT type thread. :)

[starlein26]

Things that get way worse:

Housework (the house is wrecked 15 minutes after they wake up)

Food preparation (I feel like *someone* is hungry all.the.time)

Noise (oh my god, the noise)

Sibling rivalry

Being spread thin (one parent always has 2 kids during an outing)

[NANandAUBIE]

we are TTC #3. We are so happy to be contemplating and trying to add the third but there are days (ok everyday there are MOMENTS haha), where I think we are nuts. But then I tell myself, the house will be clean and perfect when it is empty of children and we are alone with no one but our old fart selves. HAHA so whatever. I am going to kid proof the house more and hopefully we will move into a larger place sooner rather than later. We are going to organize toys better and my kids would be 5 and 2.5 when babe came if I got pg this month (which I doubt). my big girl is already a huge help. Im sure there will be crazy moments of OMFG what did we DO? but I think of the joy the laughter in this house brings me. When Nan says AMOS for the word almost and my heart sings. Or how my big girl can pick up her room, get me things and is so proud of her coloring skills. I just want to do it over and over again. These kids are awesome.

Ok, im done. I so need a third. HAHA

[Peony]

Originally Posted by starlein26 

Things that get way worse:

Housework (the house is wrecked 15 minutes after they wake up)

Food preparation (I feel like *someone* is hungry all.the.time)

Noise (oh my god, the noise)

Sibling rivalry

Being spread thin (one parent always has 2 kids during an outing)

Totally! 

[accountclosed7]

I asked my mom the same question when I was pregnant with #2. She said 2-3 is harder because the children now outnumber the parents. As a child of a 3 kid household, it is hard growing up because there is usually one kid in the middle or left out. However, now that wen are adults, it's nice to have two siblings...but the sibling rivalry never dies when all 3 of us are together.

[mar123]

For us, going from 1-2 was WAY more difficult than 2-3. I think because with my oldest, I did everything and was happy to do so. With 2, DH HAD to pick up the slack (and I don't mean house wise- he has always done the majority of the cleaning). With #3, I took a year off of teaching, has my oldest in Pre-K and my middle one in mom's day out 2 days a week. So just being home and having time to enjoy a baby was a nice change for me. All three of my kids have been easy going and laid back though, and my third was the easiest by far. Now my kids are 15, 13, and 10 and I am still glad we have 3; the only downside is money. They are expensive! But I love how different they all are, each one brings something special to the family. And there is NOTHING like watching them have fun together. Aside: My son has Aspergers. It has been so great for him to have very social sisters. It is the best therapy out there.

[mom2a4Rashelle]

Like so many have said 1-2 was seriously like 1-20, 2-3 was super easy as was 3-4. The messes, noise, laughter, fighting, hugs, love and smiles only increase. The older my four get the more enjoyable our life has become. Seeing the world through the eyes of your children is like nothing else...