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Full-time working mamas...do you do anything besides work & parent? - Page 2

post #21 of 48

I don't have time for much between kids and work.  It makes me sad, really.  I was talking to a friend the other day and he said he sees it all too often with single moms.  I guess I had to agree since I don't even have many friends left at this point with no time for "hanging" and all.

 

I do enjoy my backyard in the spring/summer/fall.  I have spent some time attracting birds and planting flowers and vegetables.  It is a pleasant place to sit and read, surf the web or simply to watch things grow.  I would say those are my hobbies (birds, gardening, reading & web-surfing)?  Everything else revolves around the kids- either seperately or together.  If I find myself with a free night I am likely sleeping or doing housework.

 

I am happy to share my hobbies with my kids but soemtimes I do wish for a free time to do things *just for me*.

post #22 of 48

Hakeber- You are my new hero, seriously. What an amazing sense of balance you have in your life. I love that you didn't make excuses when you started having kids, that you charged ahead and found the spaces where you could exercise, or be creative or cook. I think I've dwelt too long in the land of excuses. I tell myself I can't because I have a 40+/week job and a family., I really know that this isn't serving me or my family. I need to explore my own outlets and take action. I switched jobs earlier this year and will now have my summers off. I really want to use my time off to regain my balance and reorder my life. And I think I can begin this task the month too by finding some time for a dinner party, some exercise and some meditation time. 

 

Thanks everyone for the great ideas and co-commiserating. It is hard, but not impossible to take care of ourselves and our families.

post #23 of 48

You're so sweet.  I really just sort of die a little inside when I let myself get into a rut of schoolhomesleepschoolhomesleep...  DH is a major factor in me finding the gumption and drive to find a balance.  He notices that I get deeply depressed when I have no creative outlet.  When DS was born I went into a hole of bluey blue blues those months on Mat leave...he made me get out and do stuff I loved.  The same thing happened with DD post-partum.  He came home one night, I was unbathed for like the fourth day, covered in spit up and making dinner for DS and watching Top Model or some god awful thing and just very tough lovingly said "Rebekah, I love you.  Now get a life!"  and he helped me find the time to do it. 

 

He really knows my spirit well and knows how to help nurture myself (I try to do the same for him.  I hope I do.)

post #24 of 48

You're a lucky, lucky woman. Thanks for the inspiration!

post #25 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post

You're so sweet.  I really just sort of die a little inside when I let myself get into a rut of schoolhomesleepschoolhomesleep...  DH is a major factor in me finding the gumption and drive to find a balance.  He notices that I get deeply depressed when I have no creative outlet.  When DS was born I went into a hole of bluey blue blues those months on Mat leave...he made me get out and do stuff I loved.  The same thing happened with DD post-partum.  He came home one night, I was unbathed for like the fourth day, covered in spit up and making dinner for DS and watching Top Model or some god awful thing and just very tough lovingly said "Rebekah, I love you.  Now get a life!"  and he helped me find the time to do it. 

 

He really knows my spirit well and knows how to help nurture myself (I try to do the same for him.  I hope I do.)



I gotta second the other posters and I also wanted to say that you and I are alike in so many ways!  My DH knows me well too and I had to LOL when you made the above reference to Top Model and the like.  DH has much higher expectations of me than that - but knows that when I've gotten to that level, that I need to be reassessed, reevaluated, recharged (either by myself or through intervention!).  Having DD really hit me blindside.  I was so organized and driven pre-DD.  I would say that for a good two years I was walking around in an self-unaware fog.  As much I love my family and DD, there are certain ways I need to express myself and find peace and contentment in my mind.  I've been guilted into to thinking that these needs are wrong, but now that I'm on the other side of it, I know how important it is to maintain some sort of internal focus, and external lifeline.  

post #26 of 48

Does getting the pictures out of the digital camera and onto the computer count as a hobby? LOL!

 

'cause sometimes I feel like that's a big accomplishment.

post #27 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post

Does getting the pictures out of the digital camera and onto the computer count as a hobby? LOL!

 

'cause sometimes I feel like that's a big accomplishment.

Love it!  Yes, I would count that!  I was home sick for 2 days recently and organized all of my photos into actual folders and then backed them up.  Felt like the greatest accomplishment in months.  I am still proud. 

 

I just had a discussion with DH about how we both need to do more.  I feel completely detached from most aspects of our pre-baby life and I just know that just doing little things to get back in touch with that part of me will make a big difference.  I am enjoying the thoughts on this thread. 
 

Oh, and OP, I too take vacation days to clean and sadly, I really look forward to them.  Nothing like cleaning in an empty house. 

 

post #28 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post

Does getting the pictures out of the digital camera and onto the computer count as a hobby? LOL!

 

'cause sometimes I feel like that's a big accomplishment.


Third that!

 

Not that this is what anyone is saying but where one falls on the extracurricular spectrum is not just about attitude to life. Depending on your hours, vacation time, commute, partner-commitment, need for sleep, number of children, type of children (oy vey!), cost for household help, government provision of services, some people are going to have more time for fun than others. That said, I do do things beyond parenting/work but I forsake my already very limited time with my kids in order to do so and always feel mixed about it. But I figure there will be a time in my life when I'll be thinking wistfully of the years when my kids wanted me 24/7 and am trying to soak it in as much as I can now!

 

Interesting discussion ... thanks.

 

post #29 of 48

It can be so much to do. I can't wait for the weekend. Trying to do all things--cleaning, catching up at home, etc. on top of family. Sometimes I think we have to just put our feet up and say I QUIT to get time to yourself. That's what I did tonight, finally at 8;30 after 14 hrs of non-stop business. WHEW. Good luck everyone!

post #30 of 48

My son is four and I have always worked full time.I love to read and try to do that a lot. I try to have "mom dates" at least once a week where I go to a friends house and the kids entertain eachother and we can hang out. My partner and I try to have date nights at least twice a month by babysitting swapping with other parents. I joined a great church (united church of Christ) that has awesome wednesday night activities including a pottery studio- so while my son goes to choir and plays w/ other kids I get to throw pots :) and have adult time ( and we eat dinner there!) My partner works nights or has school all but one night a week so I have to try to find things to do to get out of the house as I get stir crazy!!!  I am starting to walk with friends one day a week after work and want to start doing power yoga again....I really cherish my "adult time" if I can get it, as I have a pretty stressful job and I want to be able to have time to relax and have fun. However I am a terrible at all domestic activities (cleaning, cooking, laundry).

post #31 of 48
I love reading about everyone's challenges and hobbies here.
My hobbies had to take a cut but I still manage to squeeze a little me time in.
I love cooking and gardening but I make fewer fancy meals, and have more weeds now that we have DS. I did plant herbs this spring though.
I used to paint dolls and play piano but I haven't really done much since DS was born.
My one hobby that I'm holding onto involves our furkids - we have 3 border collies and I compete in agility with 2 of them, but I sort of view it as their activity, and I wouldn't give it up to be fair to them. I'm hoping that I can get my kid(s) involved in it as they get older as it is very rewarding. I take the dogs to class one night a week, and spend approximately one and a half weekend days at a trial each month.

Ironically, this is the first time in my life when I actually have the means to afford more hobbies, but no time at all - so of course I wishfully (or insanely) leased a friend's horse and try go riding, but the amount of time I spend with him is only a fraction of what I'm allowed to. Sigh...
post #32 of 48

I go to the gym, travel, have dinner/drinks with friends, and date. I am super busy but I believe in balance and happiness.

post #33 of 48

Not right now, because I have been single parenting since fall.  Well, I do go to the gym...but I consider cardio an essential to avoiding heavy pharmaceutical intervention!  

 

But I would not trade this for the WORLD!

post #34 of 48

Not much.

 

I work (at a job that requires more than 40 hours a week - I usually work 9-4, come home and then put in 2-3 hours from 9:30-midnight after the kids are in bed, and an few hours on weekends). I come home and spend time with the kids. If I'm lucky/motivated, I'll have time for chores. I have a couple of volunteer things that I do -- both meet in the evenings once a month, and if they both fall in the same week, my kids are majorly unhappy. I do spend about 4 hours a month at my kids' school (luckily, my time is flexible at work, even though it's way more than 40 hours). I 'garden' but even that is less these days because ds really wants me to play baseball/basketball with him when I'm outside. He's not happy just puttering around. So, instead of a garden, right now we have a lot of dirt covered in weeds, and a few bare spots on the lawn at the pitchers mound and home plate. 

I'd love to join a choir and do music regularly. I thought I'd have more time when my kids got older. biglaugh.gifMy kids actually want to do activities. I've been praying for rain all spring because ds' baseball meets WAY too often. I can handle 2 nights a week. I cannot handle 4. And then dd has piano one evening a week and gymnastics. I want my kids to take swim lessons, but I can't find the time to enroll them!

 

My plan is to resurface when they're in high school. Or maybe college. Only 11 more years.

post #35 of 48

This is really helpful. I don't have a lot of support locally from other moms who get it. I make time for fun when possible, but not working out, which is the main problem for me right now. I try to have a mantra of "this is just a chapter in my life". I know someday my kid will sleep all the time and never want to talk to me. Someday she won't want me to hold her all the time. This is the time for total attention, and I'll have the rest of my life for my own boring life. ha ha

post #36 of 48
I do recreational level roller derby. Eventually, I would like to join a competitive team but I need more practice and I want the kids to be older. My sons are 2.5 and 8 now.

I also go camping and hiking with the family, bake a lot with my husband, read, follow music, go out with my husband on dates and exercise. We have done dance lessons and rock climbing lessons. We see friends and do multifamily game nights. Having a very supportive, competent husband and each of us only working a reasonable number of hours with shortish commutes facilitates this. If my husband worked a lot of hours or I worked a long hours demanding job, I don't think of if any of this would be possible.
post #37 of 48

i don't do much else at this point.  however, we set ourselves up (dh & i) for failure in this department.  dd is also <2 and demanding as hell, and i'm (hopefully still) preggo and don't want to do much else.

i do some crafty things.. quick things now, like sew a patch on a shirt for her.  i have started a quilt for her that isn't being worked on much.  i did cut all the strips and they're just hanging there, judging me, in the craft room that i only go in to get blueberries out of the freezer that's in there too...

i like to bake (which is not a hobby, more like a bad habit) and dd will tolerate this because she gets to help.  however, none of us needs more baked goods, and dd likes them a little more than is comfortable for me.  so... we're trying to limit that.  healthy muffins just aren't as much fun. 

we're kind of isolated and don't have much help with child care.  dh is home with dd while i work, so when i get home he needs a break from her and she needs me, so the idea of me getting time to do anything besides on the weekends when she's napping is pretty much out at this point.  eventually, she'll have a setup in the craft room of her own and hopefully she'll be interested in doing her own thing while i get to sew, but we'll see.  i don't have high hopes at this point, esp if the new baby is anything like she was... it will be another 4 years at least before i have time to do anything. 

 

post #38 of 48

Hmm this thread is very à propos for me right now because I'm in the "ebb" portion of my "hobbie ebb and flow". I generally have many hobbies, such as sewing, knitting, baking, writing, tango dancing...HOWEVER, DD (3) has been particularly challenging of late, and I've noticed that she needs a lot more attention/physical closeness, so I've scaled back a lot on my hobbies in order to devote some quality time to her. I have a very understanding and patient boss who lets me come in 30 minutes early a few times a week so I can take a longer lunch and *run* down the street to the local YMCA and take a class...so that takes care of working out...it's not perfect but for now, it'll have to do. ALSO, I've been struggling with chronic debilitating migraines which have basically left me useless and drugged up on some heavy medication, so between parenting, WOHM FT, single mommyhood, PT graduate work, and a very patient boyfriend, I've been SPENT.

 

I still make a point of finding some creative outlet in trying new recipes and even in the silly academic essays I write, because I know I am unhappy without them...and I do try to remind myself that though this is currently a "dry" hobby spell, there will come a time when I can indulge in my beloved tango dancing again, and perhaps some other new hobby that'll peak my interest...

post #39 of 48

I knit.  I used to do it more when I took the bus to work and had 3-5 hours of conference calls a week I could count on!  Now, I do it more late at night or early in the morning.

 

My kids are 5.5 and 2.  And I'm just now getting back to the gym. Out of necessity.  Working out regularly (5xs a week) was something I did pre-kid.  I also danced salsa several times a week and was in a performance group.  Won't be getting back to that any time soon!  But, I just had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, so, getting that weight off is a priority.  The kids will be going to the Kids Klub tonight at the gym.  Our little guy screamed his head off last visit over 6 mos ago, but he's going to have to adjust because my clothes don't fit properly and I'm not buying a new wardrobe.

 

I do go out with my girlfriends at least once a quarter as well.  Several of them are kid-less.

 

The one thing that has fallen completely by the way-side is my casual reading.  I cannot remember the last book of fiction I read.  And I used to regularly attend a book club.

post #40 of 48

Hobbies?  What are those? 

 

I would have said gardening, but I wouldn't want anyone to see my garden right now...it's pathetic!!  I'm a teacher, so I've been off now for 2 weeks but I've spent every day either catching up on cleaning my house, or visiting my friends who I feel like I haven't seen since Christmas lol!  I work 1/2 hour drive from home and don't usually get home until 5:30, just enough time to make supper and get my DD off to bed....then I usually spend my evenings marking :p

 

DH and I have been talking about exercising for what seems like forever now, but honestly I will just get cleaned up for supper and notice that it's 7:30 and DD's bedtime so we never get to it.  The intention is there though! 

 

My hobby for the next 8 weeks will be to try to get a tan and finish the book I started last October....in September my life will be taken over by work again.  Good thing I love it!! 

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