S/O of several recent threads -- Have you set ANY limits in your CLW relationship?

[crunchy_mommy]

I love polls lol...

I am trying to get a better picture of what moms here consider true "CLW" to be and how many limits are acceptable before it becomes "mother-led weaning" and whether we are 'failures' at CLW if we choose to set limits...

I guess I always considered CLW to be letting your kid nurse for as many years as they wanted. But it seems like many on here (myself included!) feel guilty for setting ANY limits in the relationship, so it kind of becomes letting your kid nurse however, whenever, wherever they want for as long as they want and however many years they want/need to.

I'm sure this depends a lot on your & your child's personality. For ex., in my mind at least, it would be much easier to set no limits if the child naturally nursed a moderate amount and slowly cut back on their own and never demanded or pulled your shirt down or whatever, and mom was completely comfortable with lots and lots of touch and could sleep through nursing and had no 'baggage'... lol I don't even know if mom/child combinations like that exist!!

Then there is the issue of whether kids who nurse more are more in need of true CLW or will be OK with some limitations...

Anyway, I set almost no limits with DS (aside from no twiddling) until he was 18mos, at which point we started pushing food more and sometimes asking him to wait to nurse. At 2yo we started working on partial nightweaning -- he is now 27mos and he is nursing quite a bit less and not nursing between 10pm-5am (now if only I could go to sleep at 10 myself... and it he'd STAY ASLEEP between those hours... then I might actually feel rested ) He still nurses for basically his entire nap (and I'm thinking of working on that next but don't want to push him on it quite yet) and ~10 times throughout the day. Because he's still nursing so frequently and relies on it so much, I still feel like it's "CLW" but maybe I'm a fraud... I just don't want to get so caught up in a label that I neglect my own needs or signs from DS that things need to change, you know?

Sorry to go on & on, just really curious how others feel about this in general and how many CLW moms really don't set ANY limits!!

[Peony]

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to CLW. I didn't set any limits with DD1 (other then twiddling) ever, she eventually stopped nursing at night when she was 3 and then went on the wean right before she turned 4. A new sibling did help with that process. My other children have been spaced closer then what my first two were so I've placed limits on nursing once I was pg. I started working with DD2 when she was 2 to stop nursing to sleep, etc.. because I was pg with DS and then with DS over the last couple months and he turned 2 today. 

[laohaire]

I think you're getting caught up in a label, yeah.

I think CLW is actually a rather apt term. It's child LED weaning, not "drop everything every time when child wants to nurse." I think the point is that we respond to our children's needs, not that we treat them like little emperors all the time. I don't think there are any definite rules because the needs vary based on so many factors. A 2 week old NEEDS to nurse at night. My 3 year old did not, even if she wanted to.

People are perfectly free to disagree with me when I say that I consider myself to have CLW'd DD, but I do. Yet I nightweaned her at age 3. I was having sleep issues. I determined that my need for sleep really and truly were coming to outweigh her need to nurse at night. I would not even consider that for a 2 week old. I feel fine about what I did. She still ended up nursing for 5 years. I think I get my CLW prize :)

[ar2974]

I voted (several of the above).  I wrote more details in the "fraud" thread - but I still consider what I do "child led".  She will likely decide when we are finished.  With no limits from me it would have become completely unsustainable a long time ago.

[tibeca]

As I've said before, and will repeat ad nauseum, Breastfeeding is an opportunity to teach your child about respect for themselves and others. It is a chance to help them see that you will meet their needs and as many as their wants as possible. By 1 year of age I begin to set reasonable limits for their age and development. At 1, no more nursing at/around the potty. By 18 months, no more nursing at the dinner table (instead eat food or wait until I'm done). At 2, no more nursing on short trips out of the house. If we're gone less than an hour, then you can wait until we get home. At 2 1/2 less nursing in public. At 3, no nursing in public (ie grocery store, department store, long day trips don't count) and no more night nursing. However, in every one of those situations, I offer before the "no nursing" time comes. I let them know that we're going to a no nursing situation and give them a chance to take advantage.

I am nursing my 3 year old. I am SO done, but she is not. I take each day at a time. If she had a choice she would nurse all day and not eat. I'm not okay with that. We negotiate often and talk about how it is mommy's body and I get to decide what happens to it. Just like I don't force her to eat her dinner or go to the potty, she can't force me to nurse. I also don't force her to sleep, But do take time to "rest" together.

I think we sometimes fail to realize that a temper tantrum is not a failure on our part to parent. It simply means our child has lost the words they need to express how frustrated they are. Kids have temper tantrums. It is what it is. You can avoid every one of them by giving them what you want, but I won't be THAT mom.

If your child was asking for a cookie 10+ times a day at 3 years old, would you give in each time? No, you'd probably explain they couldn't have the cookie and let them scream about it if they needed to. No, nursing is NOT a cookie, but by using nursing EVERY SINGLE TIME, we also fail to teach our children other coping mechanisms. If you weren't there, what would they choose instead? I agree to meeting my child's needs, not every whim.'

And, for the record, I do consider myself CLW.

[crunchy_mommy]

Great responses and this is pretty much exactly what I expected to hear. But I still need to hear it And I'm sure others do too. It's so easy to get caught up in parenting (or in doing something a certain way, etc.) & lose perspective. Setting limits has greatly improved my relationship with DS but I am trying to be careful not to push him too far, especially because I suspect he has sensory issues or something going on...

[Dr.Worm]

You're doing great and you need to do what's best for you and your family.  There will always be people telling you you are doing something wrong but you know your child the best.  You are a great mommy!