Nursing Student Mamas - how do you not go insane?

[Amber Lion]

I feel like I'm constantly on the brink of an emotional & physical breakdown. 

Watched a movie last night which had Maggie Gyllenhal portraying an extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, natural home birthing FREAK.  I had an "aha!" moment - this is how my instructors & fellow students see me and the way I've chosen to live/parent.  To get through this program it's like I have to learn how to switch off the part that is "me" & switch on this fake, mainstream person - on exams I have to forget what I know & remember what answers they prefer.  I feel like I'm constantly fighting to retain my own values & beliefs in the face of a program that is unrelenting in it's pursuit to transform me into "A Nurse".

Physically, I'm exhausted.  The program is overwhelming, especially since I'm working and have a toddler.  Last week I had simulation for 7 hours, came home & prepped for my childbirth class I was teaching for an hour, taught my class until 10 pm, fell asleep putting my daughter down, woke up at 3 am in a panic, finished prepping for my patient care day, left the house by 5:30 for clinical, came home by 2 pm and had to parent until Dh got home after 7pm that night, stayed up till about midnight studying......  it goes on and on and on and on.  If I actually try to accomplish all they want of me, I have zero time to myself, to spend with my family, to even sleep.

I have 2 more years of this & I already feel so done.  I've started to do less & less and just try to get by instead of actually learn.  The fact that I'm pursuing my dream (midwifery) and/or that it's only temporary doesn't seem to be helping anymore.

What is getting you through?

[HeckedyPeg]

I'm not a nursing student, but I am in a demanding program (Chinese medicine, 4 years, exhausting) - hang in there! You CAN do it.

Is it possible to cut back the course load at all? It may be better in the long run to extend your schooling a semester or two just to maintain your sanity now. 

Also- I've seen that movie. Why must they always paint natural mamas as hippie weirdos? haha

[~pi]

Hugs, mama. I have not been there as a nursing student, but grad school was intense for me, and it only ramped up from there.

I have a little more control over my schedule now, so I keep sane by booking one weekend a month with no work. None. Do not open the computer. Do not crack a book. Summer vacations help, too.

It really sounds like you have loaded too much on your plate. Working (that's teaching CBE, I am guessing?) plus nursing school plus if you are parenting at 2pm it sounds like your DD is not in daycare full-time even though you have at least one full-time gig (nursing school.) That is not a reasonable number of roles for one person. Each of us only gets 24 hours each day, and enough of those hours need to be sleep so that we can do all the things we want to do. Your list sounds like a 30-40 hour day. That isn't sustainable. Something has to give.

Do you really need to teach CBE while in school? I'm sure you enjoy it a lot and it helps nourish you on the natural birthing side, but when I gave up the teaching gig that I really enjoyed (at DH's request, because I was too exhausted to gather the strength to decide that on my own), it really helped. Just a suggestion.

It sounds like your DD is not in daycare. Have you considered that? Can you afford it? If you could study when you get home at 2 rather than starting at 7, you could actually sleep in the evenings.

I would also say that if you can keep your personal life out of your encounters at school, it might really make you feel better. You don't need to convert your instructors and colleagues. You shouldn't hide it, but there is no need to engage in emotionally exhausting conversations about it. And is the program really so different from your beliefs and values? I've always thought that the nursing model (patient-centered care, etc.) has core philosophical tenets in common with attachment parenting. I can see conflicts on issues like co-sleeping and home birth, but do you think you could accept that just because your choices are better for your family, they may not be the best things to advocate for everyone? The selection bias of people who choose these things distorts the issues.

You're at a tough point. You've been doing this for a long time, but still have a long time to go. It sounds like you have some tough decisions to make about what you are going to let slide for a couple of years. I hope you are able to find some balance soon.