Please critique my attempts at routine

[NewMom0208]

My son has been pre-diagnosed with milt to medium autism spectrum, waiting on the final report in a couple of weeks

In all reality is he is 3 yr old but developmentally at 1.5.
We will get ESE help starting in august, God willing
I have identified several areas where I can help him "grow" and one of the is routine.
I really sock at it, I am not a routine person.

Weekdays
I work Mon-Fri
Just like me when I was his age,he doesnt need a nap, but because he almost always has one at school, his bedtime is 10pm ( no fuss, but at 10, if he skips the nap, he goes at 8:30, but this is rare)
I have a long commute of 40 min from his school to home

The schedule now is no schedule, this is what I am thinking (all in "ish" times 7ish, 9ish)

Weekday
5:30pm - 6:20 pick up from school drive home
6:30pm - 7:00pm Dinner (extremelly picky eater, maybe some of: scramble eggs, pitta bread, fruit, chicken) this is his last meal, sometimes he gets a little something else by 9:pm . I need to find a way to start doing this without a TV on. Any tips please? I am thinking on having dinner outside where the TV is not seen
7:00 - 8:00 School time. Here I want to use books, cards, playdoh and toys to do some work with numbers, colors, shapes, vocabulary etc.I need to prepare a program
8:00 -9:00 TV time, educational DVD's he loves: Babble babble, brainy baby, signing time, we do this together and sing, and learn
9:00 - 9:45: Play time, hide and seek, pretend play... any ideas?
9:45- 10pm Bedtime routine, bath (he likes them short) tun off all lights, go to bed

Please help, I am too much of a free spirit and I know my son needs a routine, I have never done it, not even with his dinner times. Thank you!!!!

update

This ended up being todays:

5:30 - 6:00 playing in the preschool, he didnt want to leave

6:00 6:40 go home

7:00-8:30 out to the beach

8:30 - 8:40 bath time

8:40 to 8:50 school time, I got him to point to two pictures by asking "where is the baby/puppy" for the rest I had to take his hand and he rebelled a little by asking for tv, looking away and even trying to walk away. I just kept smiling and directing...

8:50 - 9:30 Educational dvds, will start bed time soon\

Any mommys out there who struggled to get a routine in place?

[FarmerBeth]

My child isn't very severe on the autism spectrum, he's 11 now and awaiting confirmation on a pre diagnosis of Asperger's.  However, one thing I noticed is the TV in your routine and the question of meal times.  My son and those of friends I have with autistic children, has a lot of trouble to concentrate on doing anything else with the television present.  I think eating outside like you said or getting the TV out of the room you eat in is a good plan.  Also, many kids, not just those with special needs but particularly children in the autistic spectrum, those with ADHD or those with sensory issues, need lots of transitioning time and warning.  You probably need the quieter activities (cuddles if he will allow and maybe a song or story?), right before bed and busier things like hide and go seek not quite so close to bed time.  Also ask the people your son is working with how much screen time they advise for your son, educational or not.  Everyone is individual, but I know that with my son and other children I've worked with (I've worked variably as a Teacher's aide, special needs early educator, respite worker and family support worker over the years, so I have lots of exposure) that the overall screen time has to be watched as children with social issues need lots of encouragement to maintain face to face, social contact with others.  You're spending time with him during the TV time learning and having fun together, so it might be totally appropriate, but I'd still check in with your health professionals about it.  And with any kid, lots of fun, daily things can be built in to learning, you just might have to do it more consciously in your son's case.  If he's rebelling about some of the educational activities you have scheduled, he,d might do better with something less obviously educational.  The professionals you are working with could be a really good source of suggestions about some type of routine.  You've got play-doh and some time at the beach and some other great sensory things going, which is great!  Sorry for going on.  Hoped that helped a bit!  Just work with your whole team of support and everything tends to go more smoothly!

[LynnS6]

My critique would be:

1. Ditch school time. He's three. Even if he's on the autism spectrum, he shouldn't be sitting and doing flashcards, colors, shapes and numbers. He should be exploring the world. Doing it in the evening is doubly difficult because he's tired after being at daycare all day.

2. Instead of focusing on academics, I'd 'play' with him in a structured way. Floortime and Relationship Development Intervention are two approaches that focus on this. These programs can help your child learn the skills he'll need to learn later in life.

3. Incorporate more sensory experiences with him -- your trip to the beach was wonderful. Go for a walk every evening. Set up a water table and let him play. Put some rice in a dish pan and let him dump and fill. Go to the beach with a bucket and some toy trucks.

4. If you're going to do DVDs (my kids do some TV, so I'm not completely anti-TV), do it early in your routine. There's pretty good evidence that TV just before bed isn't great. So, do TV right after dinner when you get home for 30 minutes, for example. I like that you watch it together, as that's better. Then, turn off the TV and go for a walk. If he's used to the TV on a lot, you'll have an adjustment period.

5. Do baths rev him up or calm him down? If they calm him down, save that for just before PJ time. If they rev him up, then doing it 'early' is probably a good idea.

I'd recommend:

5:30 - 6:30 - leave school/drive home (do you bring a snack for the car, I'm assuming? My kids always needed one.)

6:30-7:00 - DVDs while dinner cooks (and you change your clothes, put a load of laundry in - you can watch the last 1/2 with him)

7:00-7:20 - dinner together (could be shorter, I don't make our kids stay at the table and they're often done after 10 minutes)

7:20-8:15/8:30 - walk/explore/sensory activities

8:30-8:45 bath time

8:45-9:30 - play time ('floortime')

9:30 - stories, snuggles and bed. (He may or may not sit still for stories and that's OK. You can still read. Lift the flap books and interactive books are often great for getting kids engaged.)

[mamanoish]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

My critique would be:

1. Ditch school time. He's three. Even if he's on the autism spectrum, he shouldn't be sitting and doing flashcards, colors, shapes and numbers. He should be exploring the world. Doing it in the evening is doubly difficult because he's tired after being at daycare all day.

2. Instead of focusing on academics, I'd 'play' with him in a structured way. Floortime and Relationship Development Intervention are two approaches that focus on this. These programs can help your child learn the skills he'll need to learn later in life.

3. Incorporate more sensory experiences with him -- your trip to the beach was wonderful. Go for a walk every evening. Set up a water table and let him play. Put some rice in a dish pan and let him dump and fill. Go to the beach with a bucket and some toy trucks.

4. If you're going to do DVDs (my kids do some TV, so I'm not completely anti-TV), do it early in your routine. There's pretty good evidence that TV just before bed isn't great. So, do TV right after dinner when you get home for 30 minutes, for example. I like that you watch it together, as that's better. Then, turn off the TV and go for a walk. If he's used to the TV on a lot, you'll have an adjustment period.

5. Do baths rev him up or calm him down? If they calm him down, save that for just before PJ time. If they rev him up, then doing it 'early' is probably a good idea.

I'd recommend:

5:30 - 6:30 - leave school/drive home (do you bring a snack for the car, I'm assuming? My kids always needed one.)

6:30-7:00 - DVDs while dinner cooks (and you change your clothes, put a load of laundry in - you can watch the last 1/2 with him)

7:00-7:20 - dinner together (could be shorter, I don't make our kids stay at the table and they're often done after 10 minutes)

7:20-8:15/8:30 - walk/explore/sensory activities

8:30-8:45 bath time

8:45-9:30 - play time ('floortime')

9:30 - stories, snuggles and bed. (He may or may not sit still for stories and that's OK. You can still read. Lift the flap books and interactive books are often great for getting kids engaged.)

I really like this recommendation.

My son is on the spectrum and for us, routine is A MUST. I work FT (but work from home on Mondays, Tue-Fri in office) and keeping everything the same day in and day out really made our lives a lot better. But I am a routine kind of person. Maybe get a visual board where you can put what's coming/what's on the routine and talk about it with him. Lots of "next we're doing bath time!" before it's actually time for bath. Even if he doesn't understand. Our speech therapist suggested that DH and I talk to each other constantly in a cartoony sort of way around our son to help him engage in daily activities and to help him fall into routine.. For example I will walk up to DH while he's cooking and say "WOW daddy, dinner looks yummy. Daddy's cooking dinner. We're going to eat dinner!" It felt silly but it really helped my little guy to better understand what was coming next and he felt more included.

For us, we do a lot of flash cards and "school time" and my son enjoys it. He is also diagnosed with hyperlexia and really enjoys and does well with activities like this. Right now we're working on negation and we also have refrigerator magnets that we will practice letters/sounds and spelling with. He will be 3 next month. But it's sort of a floor time approach that helps him to engage. A lot of times I do this after I get home to help reconnect and play with him. 

Every kid is different. For my kids, keeping them up past 8 is insanity. They both get over tired and crazy. They also still both nap. (5 and almost 3). 

[NewMom0208]

wow,

So much have changed!

Let's see. He finally got evaluated by an specialist who actually showed me how to change his bedtime routine. (Super nanny style)

I bet you girls were thinking about it, I thought t was not possible, but it only took me 3 nights, he now goes to bed at 8 and sleeps until 6:30am!!! (give or take a few minutes)!!!

I incorpotrated some of your advise, still adjustments to be made

5:30pm - 6:20 pick up from school drive home. on the way he does Snack, book and a shape matching game (its a drum with shapes that you insert trough the proper holes on the side.)

6:30pm - 7:30pm DVD. I know here i need to split on half, 30 minute dvd, 30 minute floor time or play hide an sick and stuff, right? Maybe a walk outside. will look into  Floortime and Relationship Development Intervention Maybe like this:

->-> 6:30 to 7:00 walk outside if good weather. Play time/floor time if raining with sensory experiences

->-> 7:00 -7:30: DVD time

7:30-8:00: Bedtime routine: take a nice bath, I learned that if I talk softly and slowly he uses the bath time to relax instead of getting excited. Then is a small snack (a cheese stick or an apple bar) and water while watching fisher price relaxing videos on youtube

8:00pm, go to bed. sometimes he falls immediately, other times he stays in bed awake but calm for 30-40 minutes before falling sleep

Morning now (he was sleeping all the way to school before)

6:30:

get up. He has not finished opening eyes when he asks for TV...I put pocoyo which is very cute and funny, he laughes a lot

Get dressed

Breakfast, super picky in the morning, either pancakes or apple bars. that's it. I want to try making pancakes out of oatmeal.. what do you think?

7:00 Leave the house. in the car he drinks apple juice (a very little one 3.5 FL OZ) , read books, play with shape drum, comments about things in the street, clouds, birds, etc.

He too used to love the "school time" stuff, but I need to see how I incorporate it now, but I want to read about the floor time and relationship development and see how I put all together.

I am happy to report he is doing so much better with transitions, it was horrible!

now I go:

"one more tv and we go"

"one more book and we go into the classroom"

"one more puzzle and we take a bath"

He grawls a bit but that is it and he starts the new activity himself.

also, he is starting to ask the name of stuff he doesnt know!!! wha'ts that? who's that? OMG, OMG

ok, give it to me. This is super challenging for me, but my kiddo is benefiting for whatever little routine I have incorporated in his life.

Comments, change suggestions?

Thank you so much!!

[NewMom0208]

This is tough! I feel i am on a frenzy. what do you think of this:

I pick him up at school at 5:30, sometimes he is good and ready to go, sometimes he wants to read 2 books before we leave and sometimes he wants to play chase.

Do I need to be strict and just leave or that can be his time to pick an activity

Based on that, of course it changes our leaving time

5:30/6:00 - Pick up time, sometimes play, some times just leave, lets say at 6

6:00 pm 7:00 pm commute, snack, juice. 3 books and sometimes he plays with a shape drum. He askes for the books, he likes them big. He rejects the medium or small ones in the car. Any leftover time, we comment about what we see (birds, clouds, the tunnel, motorcycle (moto), girl)

7:00  - 7:30 He reads books, he is really into this right now, then he asks for the TV, but spend the time playing with one of: Plastic golf set, play doh, puzzle

7:30  - 8:00 Bed time, one more snack offered.. lights out or deemed, bath, try to get him to brush teeth...!, then watching lullabys from youtube on the TV only whispering is allowed, he asks for water.

8:00 Bye bye bed time.

I think that is good right?

[FarmerBeth]

This sounds a lot more relaxing for before bed than the previous routine and just as importantly, allows you a little rest.  I think it looks pretty good, and if it's working, with everyone sleeping and having a bit of balance, then that's the proof!

[LynnS6]

I think this sounds like a nice relaxed evening with the 2 of you. I like that you're doing less TV. Do know that his interest in books may change into something else, so it's important that you be flexible and follow his lead during 'his' time. When do you eat dinner?
 

Originally Posted by NewMom0208 

This is tough! I feel i am on a frenzy. what do you think of this:

I pick him up at school at 5:30, sometimes he is good and ready to go, sometimes he wants to read 2 books before we leave and sometimes he wants to play chase.

Do I need to be strict and just leave or that can be his time to pick an activity

Personally, I think this can be his time to pick an activity. Sometimes my kids needed time to reconnect while at daycare before they were ready to go home. I think it was their way of sharing their daycare world with me. Does it matter whether you get your connection time at daycare or at home?

If you need to go for some reason, then it's fine to be strict. Some days I was too tired to play chase for 30 minutes. Some days I had a meeting or my husband did, and we needed to get home. Other days, we could stay. The important thing was for me to give them a warning that we didn't have much time that day and so we could read 1 book or couldn't play chase. Now my kids aren't on the autism spectrum, so they mostly  handle changes in routine OK. Kids on the spectrum sometimes have trouble with changes in routine, but it sounds like your little guy does OK with different things.