Egg Allergy = Easter at Home?

[elanorh]

So, dd1 (7) has had a known egg allergy since she was a baby.  We usually spend Easter with my large family, and this has been fairly manageable until the past couple years.  They are by and large supportive of the necessary changes and accommodations they needed to make, even when we were avoiding the Big 8+ allergens.  She is six years younger than the youngest of her older cousins, so they were all old enough to adjust.  We could have safe foods at the meal, and avoid the unsafe ones, and they (and everyone else) were all careful about eating the boiled eggs, and washing their hands afterwards, etc.  Pretty conscious of cross-contamination, etc., and of course, we were really vigilant and extra-cautious about potential exposures.

Things stayed manageable for awhile --- several new cousins were born beginning a year after dd1, but messiness with the boiled eggs etc. didn't begin until last year and really ramped up this year (the new cousins include 3 four-year-olds and 1 two year old).  Dh and I spent Easter morning pretty much in a panic over all the boiled eggs being peeled and eaten, willy-nilly, around the house.  My siblings were all reminding the little kids to wash their hands afterwards, but usually only after said cousin had already mucked up all kinds of toys after wandering away from the table.  Boiled egg smeared on all sorts of surfaces, eggshells scattered on things – buffet-style silverware piles being touched by kids who'd not washed their hands after eating boiled eggs (by hand), etc.  By sheer luck, dh saw one of our high-school aged nieces stick her hands in the big bowl of safe jelly beans right after she'd peeled and eaten a boiled egg, so we reminded her and everyone else why they were now contaminated and not safe for dd1, and were able to have dd1 avoid them.   I know they probably think we’re a little anal about this, but they really have tried to respect our guidelines (it’s not like this is being done intentionally, but the results would be the same whether it was an accident or intentional, you know?). 

It hit the point, mid-morning, that I literally walked over to dh and said to him, under my breath, “We are nuts to spend Easter with family, from now on we will stay home where we can manage this!” 

So we made it through the morning with no untoward incidents, all the kids left to go play outside and I cleaned the table, door handles, toys, etc. so that everything was safe when they all returned. 

During the dinner itself, though, we had an exposure.  My father had complained loudly about the ranch dressing we brought not tasting “right” (it’s equal parts buttermilk, sour cream, cream cheese, mixed with a safe seasoning packet, and we think it’s delicious and better than regular ranch dressing by a MILE, which is the reaction most people have to it when they eat it, too).  So, a batch of “regular” ranch dressing, complete with mayo, was mixed up for my father.  No one told me that they hadn’t looked for/couldn’t find MY ranch dressing which was safe for dd1, and I’ll admit, I was distracted and didn’t notice that it wasn’t on the table.  The meal was close to finished (and most of the kids had left the table) when dd1 asked me, “Mom, the ranch dressing is safe for me, right?” 

Had her spit out the mouthful of salad she’d chewed up, rush to the sink, rinse/spit/repeat, dosed her with Benadryl, and hoped for the best.  She said she’d barely swallowed any of it, and it was only the one mouthful.  She has never had a full-on ana reaction, although we do have an epi-pen – usually she pukes 2 hours later until she dry heaves, sleeping between puking, accompanied by sneezing and watery eyes, and it usually lasts a couple hours. 

We left and drove for home (a five hour drive), figuring we’d rather do that in the car than wait two hours at my parents’ house like we were at a wake.  We travel a lot and can handle a car-puke just fine (carsickness in the past).  And frankly, dh was livid and it wasn’t wise to stay there, in the interests of family peace.  Dd1 and I weren’t exactly feeling festive, either.  Dd1 did sneeze, have glassy eyes, and slept a lot in the car but didn’t puke.  I suspect it was such a tiny exposure, especially with the immediate spit/rinse response, that it didn’t progress further.  Whew!

But, I still feel like, until dd1 passes her egg challenge and outgrows her allergy (the allergist is confident she will do so) – we shouldn’t spend Easter with my family.  There are just so many EGGS.  We can be cautious and careful at other holiday meals, and will be vigilant enough to prevent another ranch dressing SNAFU.  But the eggs …. They’re just everywhere at Easter.  Our next scheduled challenge is this fall, so maybe she’ll pass and this won’t be an issue. 

Anyway, I just wanted to mostly vent – and see whether we’re overreacting, or if there are others who’ve made similar decisions.  Dd1 loves her cousins, and I love my siblings and their families – we don’t want to miss time with them.  But this particular holiday has become so stressful, that until all the cousins are over the age of 5/6 at the very least, I just feel like it’s too risky.  I want dd1 (and her sister) to be able to just get up Easter morning and eat their candy, play with new toys, and enjoy the day.  They didn’t really even eat their candy much, yesterday, because we were so busy keeping them separate from the egg-eating cousins.  And I know, Easter is about eggs – I don’t want to deprive my nieces/nephews of that.  But I can’t see a way this is workable and safe while dd1 is there.  I’m really sad about this, at the same time.  And, I’m not sure why I feel compelled not to tell my family why we’re not spending Easter with them, but rather to tell them that dh’s work is too busy, or we’ll be traveling, or something like that. 

Also, ironically, my dad didn't even eat salad, so the special ranch dressing mixed for his benefit that caused dd1's exposure - completely unnecessary.  Ugh. 

[mbbinsc]

All holidays are tough for us due to my DDs allergies (peanut, tree nut, egg, dairy and shellfish).  We don't have much family in the area and don't make the effort to travel because of the food allergies.  The only way we can relax is if I control the food for the family (Thanksgiving will be at our house this year).  An Easter spent dodging eggs and eggshells would be more than we can handle.  Like your DD, mine has had the puking due to some minor exposure.  My fear is that her next exposure could be worse. 

I would be honest with your family, but not in a manner that you expect them to change.  By not being honest, you are not sharing how tough it is to live with food allergies and that you have to make some very difficult choices to protect your DD.

I should add that my daughter is airborne reactive so just a bunch of eggs being eaten around her would be enough to have some sort of reaction (usually runny nose, itchy eyes).

Edited by mbbinsc - 4/26/11 at 1:37pm

[scsigrl]

I understand the isolation you may want to go into.  I also think it is really important to think things through critically when NOT in a moment of confrontation.

Holidays are hard and I have to watch DH like a hawk but we go to them.  We have even started to enjoy them.  Does it take planning, yes.  Is it as relaxing as it use to be, no.  But we manage.

Is your DD contact reactive?  If not, then I think letting us a bit may help out. Also, we never mix DS's safe foods with anything on the general table. Things et dropped, spoons get mixed up and unless you live it you just don't get it so I try and be mindful of that.  I can't expect people to know that using X spoon in Y makes it dangerous.  They won't even get it (I am convinced) so why stress over it?  

That said, I know everyone had a level of comfort.  If you are that uncomfortable with it then yes, skip it.  But if you can have a few ground rules (ie If x happens, we leave.  If Y happens we leave) it'll make it less an emotional thing and focus not on how dumb people can be about food allergies and more on how to keep our kids safe.