Need to complain in a safe place

[Just1More]

I am. so. tired.

And it's not the baby's fault, actually.  Last night mostly was, but it is something different every night.  People see how tired I am and I get all the Ezzo nonsense.  I just want to say, "Please play with my baby, read books to my older kids, and let me take a nap without all your judgement."  Seriously?  Sigh.

Last night, the baby wiggled and squirmed all night.  It's 3am here, and we are up...dh had to leave for work, and she had to go to the bathroom.  That's probably why she's been wiggly.  She's playing on the floor right now.

The one before that, dh slept with me all night, and he jolts and jumps and is just a crazy sleeper.  Me, and him, and baby in a full?  queen? bed like that just doesn't work.  He jolts so much I actually bounce in bed.  Last night, it was every 3 seconds or so, and he moved to the floor for me, and then the baby didn't sleep.

So, between the nights when she doesn't sleep, he keeps me awake, or whatever else happens, it's been about 10 days since I had a good night's sleep.  We are on the road, and are also dealing with jet lag.  And I can't rest during the day.  We are staying at a house with an unsecured pool...and I have 4 children.  We lock the door to the outside, and block it with the couch at night, and I hop up the second they are up every morning.  Dh is working early days, so can't be much help.  We have a social engagement tonight, but he's promised me a nap this afternoon.

I am about to loose it.  When I try to talk, my words get messed up because my mouth just doesn't work right.  I feel like throwing up.  I am about to burst into tears.  We had a run like this a few months ago, and one morning dh just had to call in because I was so dizzy from exhaustion I couldn't even stand up.  I was throwing up violently, and just felt terrible.  I don't want to get to that point again.  Today, though, I am weak...my baby feels so heavy, and I know that if I do much at all, my heart will start racing.

Ah, sleep.  Will I ever see it again?

Thanks for letting me complain in a place where I'm not going to be told I'm doing it all wrong.  I just needed to say...I AM TIRED.

[sosurreal09]

big hugs mama! I know what it is like to have lack of support. I am a light sleeper myself and even when DD is sleeping well DH will snore or my mind will race or w/e and I hardly sleep. A lot of times I feel like I just need to make it through the day and I am on my first child!

That really stinks about the unsecured pool too.

[canadiangranola]

I hear you. I remember, so clearly, the feeling of not sleeping when my babe was born, high needs, wiggly, crummy sleeper baby. And people would look at me like I was crazy for cosleeping and I could feel the judgement. And all I wanted was a freaking nap. PLease, dear God, A nap.

Can you find a local college kid or teen who will come and play with your kids and let you sleep? They tend to not judge, b/c they aren't parents, so they aren't defensive about all of their own decisions. Where are you? Maybe you could post here and there would be an AP mama in your area willing to take them for a couple hours so you could rest.....

I hope you get some sleep soon. Could you nap on the couch in front of the door to the pool while they watch tv? Desperate times.....

[Just1More]

Thanks!

I feel better now.  After my complainey post, I moved the bed against the wall, and then pulled the mattress off.  I put scotch tape over the outlets, and baby and I slept solid for 2 hours.  Last night was much better.  I'm still tired, but no longer exhausted, and I think I can make it. 

I don't know anyone here, and we won't be here much longer.  We've recently moved, and dh has a new job, and has to travel a lot for work, so the kids and I go with him as much as we can.  We are currently on the opposite side of the country, so...teen helpers are out.

Anyway, I'm okay again, and really appreciate the hugs.  :)  Thanks!