I need help...I give up.....

[poorlittlefish]

My 10month old DD is sleeping so bad that I am just so ready to try something new, I need any help or thoughts that anyone can give me. 

She has always woken several times a night to nurse.  I co-slept with her for many months but stopped because it was causing such pain in my lower back and hips that I had to see a chiro and could hardly walk.  Since we have moved her into her crib, the pain has gone.  She is still waking multiple times per night.  Last night for example she went down at 7:30.  Up at 8:30, 10pm, 11:30, 1am and finally at 3am I brought her into bed with me.  This is not abnormal. This is how each night goes. 

I nurse her to sleep and most of the times that I go into her at night.  If I don't, she won't calm down.  She will not take a pacifier.  The other night, we experiemented with my DH going in there.  She screamed at the top of her lungs for 14 minutes before I went in there because I couldn't take it anymore.  She was VERY mad and hoarse from the crying....and I felt like the worst mom ever.  My DH just started a very demanding job so I don't want to ask him to do more in the night than he already is.

My DH has suggested trying to put her in her crib awake.  Last night I nursed her until she was chilled out and put her in her crib.  She woke immediately and sat up.  I let her cry (I know, I know) for 5 mins and watched on the monitor.  Went back in there and did it again.  Again she woke.  Finally I nursed her down and she slept for an hour before waking.  I don't want to let her cry, but I am at my wits end.  I get up each day at 5 am and drive an hour each way to a full time job.  I also have a 3 year old to care for.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  It makes no sense for me to even try to go to bed early because I don't get any long stretches.  She falls asleep without nursing at daycare so I know that she knows how to do it.  My DH is arguing that her lack of sleep is hurting her more than CIO would.  I am starting to believe him.

Please help, any suggestions are appreciated.  I don't want to let her cry but at this point, I see no other way. 

[wishin'&hopin']

We did crying in arms at about the point you're describing.  DW (the non-nursing mama in our household) would go in for any wake ups that were less than 4 hours apart (so at the 10:30pm wake up DS got mommy, not mama) but when I figured he was probably hungry (the 2am wake up or so) I'd nurse).  Now he's 12 months and sleeps (most nights) 8p-4a solid (then after nursing, he sleeps till around 6a).  It took about three nights of DW doing most night time interventions before he improved significantly.

We figured that crying with a loving parent is NOT CIO.  And, while I did not sleep with him crying--three nights of bad sleep and then better sleep was way worth it.  Now the "good" nights outnumber the bad--and we can tell when he's had a bad night because he isn't himself the next day--good sleep means a happy boy in our house (and happy moms!)

I was losing my mind from the sleep deprivation--and I with my hour commute to work it was becoming unsafe for me to be driving.   

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by wishin'&hopin' 

We did crying in arms at about the point you're describing.  DW (the non-nursing mama in our household) would go in for any wake ups that were less than 4 hours apart (so at the 10:30pm wake up DS got mommy, not mama) but when I figured he was probably hungry (the 2am wake up or so) I'd nurse).  Now he's 12 months and sleeps (most nights) 8p-4a solid (then after nursing, he sleeps till around 6a).  It took about three nights of DW doing most night time interventions before he improved significantly.

We figured that crying with a loving parent is NOT CIO.  And, while I did not sleep with him crying--three nights of bad sleep and then better sleep was way worth it.  Now the "good" nights outnumber the bad--and we can tell when he's had a bad night because he isn't himself the next day--good sleep means a happy boy in our house (and happy moms!)

I was losing my mind from the sleep deprivation--and I with my hour commute to work it was becoming unsafe for me to be driving.   

This is what I would recommend, too.

[Sorilla]

Such a great advice, I am with you!

[penstamon]

We have been where you are now and I feel awful hearing that anyone else has to go through this.  10 months was probably the most difficult time for DS's nightwakings.  I do agree with pp's that it may be time to have your DP take over some of the wakings so your DD gets used to falling back to sleep without you nursing.  Choose times to nurse that are spaced out enough that you know she may be hungry and switch off with your DP so you each get a least one longer block of sleep.  You will get through this and it will get easier, but sometimes it has to get harder first whole your DD gets used to the transition. 

[Hannah32]

Originally Posted by wishin'&hopin' 

We did crying in arms at about the point you're describing.  DW (the non-nursing mama in our household) would go in for any wake ups that were less than 4 hours apart (so at the 10:30pm wake up DS got mommy, not mama) but when I figured he was probably hungry (the 2am wake up or so) I'd nurse).  Now he's 12 months and sleeps (most nights) 8p-4a solid (then after nursing, he sleeps till around 6a).  It took about three nights of DW doing most night time interventions before he improved significantly.

We figured that crying with a loving parent is NOT CIO.  And, while I did not sleep with him crying--three nights of bad sleep and then better sleep was way worth it.  Now the "good" nights outnumber the bad--and we can tell when he's had a bad night because he isn't himself the next day--good sleep means a happy boy in our house (and happy moms!)

I was losing my mind from the sleep deprivation--and I with my hour commute to work it was becoming unsafe for me to be driving.   

I think this is right on. 

What people who are really intensely anti-CIO don't get is that there is plenty of evidence that sleep deprivation is incredibly harmful to one's health. Also, driving while sleep deprived is akin to driving drunk. The research on CIO is not nearly as clear cut (I have to laugh when I see that Harvard editorial touted as "evidence.") We don't do CIO by yourself around here either, and I get that this is not what this forum is for, but there are other ways. And sometimes, yes, baby has to deal with a substitute care-giver, so the nursing mother can get enough sleep to function. 
 

[wishin'&hopin']

Just to give you hope...DS slept from 7:45p-6:15a last night.  Feel free to look up some of my old posts asking for help in the midst of the sleep deprivation nightmare that was his first 11 months.  Of course, I've probably TOTALLY jinxed us now!

Good luck!

[3littlelambs]

Jay Gordon's method is very similar to the pp's suggestion of crying in arms. Much gentler than traditional CIO. Even though he says not to do b/f a year, I know many people have when they are at your point and it's worked: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Also, here's another gentler option for teaching them to fall asleep by themselves. We did this one with great success: http://www.parentsconnect.com/questions/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.jhtml

[poorlittlefish]

Thanks everyone.  We are working on it, my DH will go in if it has been less than 4 hours and I go in if it has been longer.  She also comes into bed with me if she wakes after 3am.  Tonight is night 2 and I have high hopes.  Thanks everyone for the advice and commiseration.  It even feels good to know that others have been where I am and survived! :)

[elisheva]

Is it possible that she is teething? Mine have all teethed right around this age and it always takes me several nights to figure it out  You've gotten some great support and advice from pp so I'll leave it at that :)