I am so angry and hurt right now...

[muldey]

Long story short is exh is a homeless abusive alcoholic.Recently I had him removed over and over from my property,because he was so drunk.He went to the hospital every time.He finally ended up in detox,but they only kept him for 5 days!This was about a month ago.I had a restraining order up until about a week ago.I couldn't have it served as I had no idea where he was.Turns out he was staying with his brother.He called me last week.He said he wasn't drinking,and I let him come by to see the kids.Everything went great for less than a week.Yesterday I thought I smelled alcohol on his breath,and called him out on it.He said no he hasn't touched a thing.Well today I was out all day with my mom.My dad called me to say exh was knocking at my door(we live in the same apartment house),and that he seemed drunk.Dad told him to leave.He left,but came back soon after,so drunk he passed out on the porch and peed himself.The cops dumped out a whole bottle of vodka,and had the rescue take him to the hospital,again.My dad later found a half bottle of vodka near the porch.

I texted his brother to let him know what was going on.So his other brother calls me and asked what's going on.I told him as much as I could(I was in the middle of applying for a food voucher at the family service agency,which if exh would just pay cs I wouldn't have to do that!).He said he was going to call a few rehabs and see what needs to be done to get him in.

A few minutes ago exh calls me from the hospital.He asked me to call his brother that he was staying with,so he could get the other brother to pick him up.I said no.He said why what's wrong?I said ummm,well you passed out drunk on my porch and peed on it!WTF?I then told him he was no longer welcome here and to take me to court to see his kids,but I wasn't quite that nice,lol.

As of right now he has unlimited visitation,as long as he is sober,per the divorce agreement.I can't get it changed because he can't be served(I don't know his brother's address,or if he'll even let him live there any longer).So I'm kind of stuck.Can I get in trouble for not letting him see the kids?I am just so freaking angry and hurt.Thanks for reading.

[amberbirthdoula]

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. Unfortunately I don't know what the laws are in terms of letting him see the kids, but I just wanted to offer you a virtual hug and to send you good wishes. You sound like a very strong person. Maybe you could contact your local PD to ask about letting him see the kids, but it sounds like since the agreement said that he needed to stay sober to see the kids and he clearly hasn't done that you'd be okay to keep him away...

Best wishes!

[TiredX4]

hugs to you!

[MissLotus]

Well, I would make it a condition that if he sees the kids at all, then I would FIRST need a confirmable address from him, or no go.  If you can't even track him down to make appropriate legal arrangements, then he should not be seeing the children!

And if he doesn't like it, I would let him take me to court for it... because he sounds too messed up to actually do so, and even if he did, I don't think he'd favorably impress any judge.

I would also stop contacting his family, as they sound like they enable him, and it only further embroils you in his scene.  And let any messages from him go to voicemail - never pick up.  If it's not directly about the kids, do not respond.  And even then, think twice. The fact that you're still hurt by his behavior indicates that you're still emotionally involved, so the sooner you cut those emotional ties and don't get sucked into his games, the better you will feel.

[doubledutch]

can you have him served next time he's at the hospital?

i'm sorry you're dealing with this. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

You should check with a process server - he can be served at his last known address as long as there are enough attempts and such (according to your states laws) it can even be posted on the door.  Or given to someone "of suitable age and discretion" (generally over 16-18) at the residence. 

I would call up a process server and see if you can get them to serve papers.  They WILL find a way to do it.

[bananabee]

Do you know what liquor store he frequents the most? Maybe he could be served there.