grade school glorified daycare?

[GlitterZ]

As my daughter is supposed to start kindergarten this fall I finally had to declare to my family my intention to home school. I got all the usual objections like "how will she learn to socialize?" and "do you really think your qualified for that" but the one that threw me for a loop was "don't you want to get rid of her for a couple hours a day?"

I was flabbergasted. she really believes that is what school is for. that its the place someone else deals with your kids.

That was my mother she thinks because I'm 9 months pregnant that I will be incapable of taking care of an infant and teaching my daughter to read and write at the same time. spending time with her and basking in her love of learning is a blessing not a chore, and I think it will be an wonderful learning opportunity for her to help out with the new baby.

so out of pure curiosity how would you deal with that sort of objection?

[Dar]

Well, school does function as childcare. For some families that's one if its principle functions - free childcare. Other families, not so much.

It sounds like she's concerned that you'll be stressed or overwhelmed by caring for 2 children all day long, every day. You might not be, but many, many mothers are, and that's okay. Homeschooling moms can deal with that by arranging classes or playdates or childcare, so that they get a break from their kids. I'd just say that to your mom, and maybe suggest that your daughter might want to spend time doing fun things with grandma on occasion and that would give you a break as well..

[dogretro]

While I do enjoy time alone without my two little girls, no, I do not want or need hours and hours every day without them.  I like spending most of my time with them.  That is how I feel & I think it is quite okay to say that to those who might ask :)

[luv my 2 sweeties]

I'm not sure how I'd deal with that from my mom (though I like Dar's take on it).  Often, you get some version of that from other mothers in your peer group.  "Oh, my son and I would drive each other up the wall if we were together all day!"  or  "I don't know how you do it!  Three days into summer vacation and I'm ready to send them back!", etc.  I don't take offense because, first, they might be right!  I don't know for a fact that Jane and her son *wouldn't* drive each other up the wall! 

Second, no one likes to have their routine disrupted, no matter how much they love their kids.  If your routine involves having the kids in school, the disruption of that takes some adjustment -- for parent and kids -- and can be rocky.  My sister, who has kids in school, has said that it takes about 2 - 4 weeks for her kids to "decompress" at the beginning of summer break and to start behaving normally and not bickering a lot, etc.  Then they fall into a summer routine, but for shorter breaks, things stay in a state of semi-upheaval until school starts again.  For many working parents, the disruption of school breaks is even more acute. 

Third, children who are out of their parent's control for a good portion of the day spend a lot of energy being their "public" selves during that time.  They behave, they delay gratification, they share with their classmates, they eat when told to, etc.  So when they get home at the end of the school day, guess who gets the brunt of all that pent up repression?  Good, safe, Mom!  Many moms assume that the "after school" child is the one they would have to live with *all day long* if they homeschooled.  In reality, a child who is with Mom or Dad stays on a more even keel throughout the day.  They may have their moments, but you don't live with a little demon all day, lol. 

So when I get comments about "how I do it" or how exceptionally great my kids must be, I usually point out the last two things above.  (Agreeing with them -- point #1 -- might be a tad rude!)  When people stop to think about it, they realize that it's true.  I don't need people thinking I'm a hero or that my children are angels.  If my kids were in school full time, I imagine I'd be just as glad as every other parent to get back to the routine after spring break or whatever. 

[AAK]

I get this from my mom too.  It is hard to take offense though since I understand that her intentions are good.  She is actually pretty supportive of homeschooling.  But, she remembers how hard it was to be a sahm. . . for her, I think it was harder.  She raised us in a time that NO ONE had a sahm.  It was a rare thing.  My mom didn't have what I have; she didn't have a peer group.  It seemed that as kids went to school, moms went back to work.  So, my mom used that time to do the chores, prepare meals, and volunteer at the school.  She was also a scout leader etc.  There were some other issues unique to my mom that I don't have to deal with.  So, for her, in order to get a chance to be by herself or do anything for herself--school was a nice thing.  However, my mom did LOVE the breaks.  She thought it would be terrible for us to be in school all year long.  

I agree with pp about kids having a "public" self.  My dd was a poster child for this.  And, because of it, I really didn't know if I could "handle" homeschooling her.  I pulled her out in third grade.  Man, what a difference!  And now, she is in the midst of puberty and (knock on wood) it really isn't that bad.  Instead of her pulling away from me, I feel we have a closer relationship.  She has many friends too--but she is confident and doesn't seem to be consumed with conforming.  I am really proud of her.  

Some days though--I do think "wow! I would have so much spare time if my kids were 'in school'."  After all, my baby is kindergarten in the fall.  I would have 2.5 hours/day to get all the cr*p done that I need to do.  I could have an organized house!  So, I can understand the idea of schoolish daycare being a benefit.  But, I don't want them gone THAT much!  And, really, an organized house is over-rated!

Amy

[Nicoleandco]

This is so common from people!  Admittedly, I do think how mice it would be to have a few hours a day to my self...but I love my DD and love spending time with her.  

I think preschool is especially viewed as a daycare/get away from your child time.  My grandma was shocked when I didn't put her in.  Most of my friends are too.  

This year I'm signing her up for a few enrichment classes (dance and gymnastics), because I think it's important for her to be away from me too, in a safe, fun environment.  

[circuitsndaisies]

I would not deal with that sort of objection.  I would ignore it or laugh/shrug it off.  At most I would say "Well, I am sure I will be able to use a break once in awhile.  You're more than welcome to spend time with DD"

You'll hear all kinds of things from people.

[heatherdeg]

I never got that from my family but have heard it PLENTY from other mothers... some in an honest way but some in a more vicious and unhappy way that almost makes me glad their kids are in school, too.  :/  But I know others that truly cannot afford to stay home and are just doing so much work with their kids when they're all home that school is, honestly and truly, daycare for their kids.  And none of them are happy about it.

If this were my MOM, I WOULD address it.  Especially if you have an ongoing, involved relationship with her.  I like Dar's take on it, too.  Realize that older generations were not always exactly open to bunking the system, too.  Some of them really believe that you just follow "the rules" (vax, go to public school, etc.).  It sounds like your mom is really just genuinely concerned.  I had similar (albeit more forceful) concerns from my inlaws, but as time goes on and they see my 7yo son outperforming my 9yo nephews (who are in public school), there really isn't anything to say anymore.  :)