Celebration of First Menses

[pamamidwife]

My daughter is almost ten, and already has breast buds and is using deoderant (the deoderant, I think, is more symbolic for her, rather than necessary, but who am I....?).

We have always talked about having a Red Party when she started her bleeding. She is excited about this.

I found this online and thought it was amazing and great:

http://www.celebrategirls.com/kit.html


Anyone out there done something special to honor their daughter's first bleeding?

[stayinghome]

My daughter just turned 10, and is showing signs too. I plan to get her some piece of red jewelry, take her out of make her a nice dinner, but beyond that I'm not sure? The website you posted looks neat and I'll definately read it.

I do know that it's important to mark the occasion- my mom just acted embarrased, made me feel ashamed, and said under her breath that she had hoped this wouldn't happen for a looooong time. Talk about crushing my happiness over the event...

[daylily]

My dd is almost 11 and has been begging me for years to let her get her ears pierced. I thought it might to be nice to allow the ear piercing as a sort of "welcome to womanhood" gift once she gets her first period. I told her about my idea, though, and she was unenthusiastic because she feels it's still a long way until then. She's probably right--I was just short of my 13th birthday when I started menstruation, and dd is very thin and has no early breast development yet.

[lenswyf]

You could also look at Moon Mother, Moon Daughter. I haven't seen it in person, but it sounds interesting.

[CincoDeMama]

when dd gets her moon, we're going to get pierced

she wants to have her cartilage done on her left ear & i'll likely have my rook done. we've planned this out for years, and now that the time is coming closer, we talk about it often.

we're going to play hookie from school that day too, going to lunch in a nice restaurant, shopping at victoria's secret for a bra & panties set & we'll get her mom/daughter manicure/pedicures (she's never had either).

on her lightest flow day of her menarche, we're going to have a ritual that will include her closest friend, one of my friends, and myself. we'll wrap her in a red silk scarf & bead a moon necklace for her while telling her of all that's to come.

she'll have the scarf & the necklace afterward, to do with as she wishes. i've also been saving mama cloth pads for her-picking them up here & there for yrs, so i'll give them to her at that time.

[Surviv'n]

...From a Young Mommy, @ 36 of two gls 18,16 I think it is ultamately important that this day be recognised as a very special day. My husband and I honoured their womenhood with a special meal an intimate card and for both a special book detailing all the changes they would be going through in the yrs to come. We gave a journal for them to keep to write down any thoughts positive or negative, this transition is so very difficult and sometimes they just dont want to come to us for answers. I think that is the hardest part of their changing, their independence from us. I encourage all to put alot of thought in their special day make it as personal as you can. Who knows them better.
God Bless!

[Amandzia]

I've tried to get dd12 excited about her first period, but she thinks it's gross and won't talk about it. She still hasn't gotten it yet and tells me she won't ever get it as if she can stop it. I saved her imbilical cord so we could bury it when she becomes a woman, but she thinks that's gross too.

[lorijds]

My dd just turned nine this week, but has had a mild obsession with "becoming a woman" for about a year now. We subscribe to New Moon magazine, so I think that started her thinking a bit ahead of her time. But her thoughts are healthy. A couple of months ago I bought her "The Period Book" and she has it memorized. We have talked about it several times, and she has checked out my pads and my keeper, my bras, and my medical books on reproduction, with me, on her own, and with her friends at a slumber party :.

The book talks about celebrating, and she asked me if we would do that. I told her I really wanted to, especially since my mother was like HeatherE's mom. When I shared my experience of telling my mom, my daughter was horrified that my mom would act like that. Then, of course, she hasn't grown up in a household where her father can't assault his manhood by even thinking about periods, or where her mom talks about how horrible getting your period and being a woman is. (My mom used to privately call it "the Curse". Nice, huh).

So I think just growing up in a healthier environment has helped alot. Once, when she was digging around in the cupboard and found some pads, I wasn't home, and she asked dh what they were. He told her something about when you become a woman you have this mystical power that causes you to be able to have babies. It also causes you to be in sync with the moon, and during your moon time you bleed a little from your vagina, but that it doesn't hurt, and that is what the magical part is. The pad was for catching the blood. Now, I was like because I don't refer to it as my moon time, or that it is mystical or anything. I asked him where he got that, and he said "Well, I'm the only guy in the household, and the father of two daughters. I've rehearsed that speech for years. I can't believe I actually got to say it!" What a guy.

Anyhow, I asked her if we should have a party, and she was horrified at the idea. She *is* a very private person, though. She thought that she would like to do something, just the two of us. So I think we might go get a massage together, and then get all fancied up and go to a fancy restaurant in a larger city near us. She doesn't want dh or little sister involved; but I hope I can change her mind. First, I think it would be special to involve her sister; it is a celebration of womanhood, you know, and her little sister is a part of the sisterhood. Also, dh is a great dad, really into being the father to two girls, and I think he would like to be in on some of the celebration. We'll see.

I'm glad dd is into this. I would be disappointed if she didn't want to do anything! But at least you WANT to celebrate it, you know? I mean, I think that is where the healthy happy part comes in; you aren't ashamed of your body or your child's body. They might not feel the same about things as you, or express them the same, but at least they are starting from a safe healthy place. Know what I mean?

Lori

[Colorful~Mama]

my daughter was 12 when she started finally getting excited ..anxious about becoming a woman. She and I picked out the fabrics she liked for her first set of cloth pads. We talked about a red party, but she wasn't comfortable with that. So instead I got her a big box - inside was her pads, a ditty bag for soiled pads when out, some incense and a holder and a new journal and pen. We lit the insence and talked a little bit. She and I shared a glass of wine togther. It was nice.

She stayed home from school the next day and I took her out for lunch, her gramma then picked her up and took her out for a manicure and spent some time talking with her too about womanhood and her perspective.

She's almost 15 now and just told me this week - 'i HATE having my period. i'm so crampy. ugh. why did i ever want this". LOL. i made her a cup of red raspberry leaf tea and rubbed her back.

lol.

[mumziemoo]

My oldest daughter had her first period one week after her 13th birthday. She was having a sleepover at her friend's house (who was staying with her father that night!!!) and she handled it beautifully. I picked her up the next day & she told me - I was horrified, but she reassured me that she was fine, she'd used toilet paper & said nothing to anyone. I gave her a big hug (this was not my picture of how it should all happen!!!) & we talked about getting her ears pierced now, because this is what we had always planned. We'd talked about a party, but she is also a very private person & didn't want that, & I respect that (I think that was more for me because that's what I would have liked !!!)

I took her to get her ears pierced a couple of months later & it was a very special day for both of us - her emergence into womanhood. She is now 17, in her last year of school, working part time & studying hard - I couldn't be more proud of her!!! I look forward to the time that her baby sister becomes a woman & hopefully we can share with her what we shared together.

Om shanti
Alison

Mother to Kendall, 17, Declan, 14, Eamon, 10, Siobhan, 18 months & my precious Haiku Rose who died of SIDS

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

[thebirthsource]

Menache Class...any suggestions?

I'm so glad to see this thread! I'm currently trying to figure out what to do during a menarche class I'd teach for girls and their mom's. I'm a cbe and doula, so I have a few ideas, but what would you personally like to see from a class?
Amy

[mumziemoo]

Lots of information about different ways of celebrating & focus on the fact that it is a time to celebrate. Lots of women I know had dreadful experiences because their Mum's were so negative about it. I was lucky in that while Mum wasn't positive, she wasn't negative - just very matter of fact. I think awareness that the girls might find it all a bit much is important too. I sometimes think that we are so focused on our own healing that we can forget that this is about our daughters & they may not want it to be a big deal. Kendall wanted to celebrate, but be discrete about it, so having her ears pierced was perfect - just her & me.

Blessings on you for holding classes. Hopefully with women like you out there doing this, things will slowly change for our daughters & granddaughters.

Om shanti
Alison

[QueeTheBean]

Originally Posted by thebirthsource

I'm so glad to see this thread! I'm currently trying to figure out what to do during a menarche class I'd teach for girls and their mom's. I'm a cbe and doula, so I have a few ideas, but what would you personally like to see from a class?
Amy

I know that the birth center where I had my DS does a lot of workshops for young girls on this topic. They are at www.thebirthcenter.com
Maybe you want to check it out & email them, too. I think they would be happy to share their ideas--I would think so, anyway!

This is an interesting thread. I am the 4th of 4 girls, and I was so "private" about starting my period, that I didn't tell my mom for months. She finally figured it out. I feel bad about it now that I am a mama. What a strange kid.

So nice that you mamas are recognizing this event!

[Morgraine]

Wow, I have a baby boy. . . but this was a great thread. Your mothering voices are beautiful! Sometimes friends of mine with older kids get me down with negative talk. As if teens are nothing but a cross to bear. This thread is the magic of parenting that I hope I can conjure within my home and heart in the days and years to come.

[texcalkas]

When I was 10...

Ladies, I started my periods when I was 10 and would have been absolutely mortified if my mother had had any party, of any sort for me. As it was, the only reason she knew that I had even started was she saw blood on my panties. I remember her bragging to her friends at an Amway party that I was a "woman" now and wishing the floor would open up! When my own daughter starts her periods I will probably be low-key about it.

[journeymom]

I sometimes think that we are so focused on our own healing that we can forget that this is about our daughters & they may not want it to be a big deal.

Good point. I told her a few months ago I will take her to get her ears pierced. I like the idea of a manicure/pedicure. I know dd would love that.

She's 9 y.o. It's sad and scarey for this mom to think she could get her period any day now. I look at her and it's so obvious, she's still a little girl! Who knows, maybe it will be a few more years. I didn't get mine till I was 13.

[Sumobabe]

And in a related vein...

These are all wonderful ideas.

My dd is only 4, so I have a while yet before I have to give this much more than just passing thought, but I do have one question: do any of you have sons, and if so, do you have a plan for marking his passage into manhood? What would you consider a boy's passage into manhood?

[CincoDeMama]

Originally Posted by Sumobabe

These are all wonderful ideas.

My dd is only 4, so I have a while yet before I have to give this much more than just passing thought, but I do have one question: do any of you have sons, and if so, do you have a plan for marking his passage into manhood? What would you consider a boy's passage into manhood?

i've got 3 boys (almost 4), who have been molded by society to believe that their strength is earned by good looks & athleticism, and not spiritual/emotional/personal growth.

they know different, due to me, but i don't believe they need a symbolization of change as my daughter needs. my girl needs to hear me welcome her into womynhood & accept her as an equal sister-and this is just not a need of my sons.

there changes are so much different than that of a young womyn's. so subtle, & not at all overnight, as with a moon appearing out of nowhere. my oldest has been in puberty since he was 10-and he's not done-and is now almost 15. still not the deepest his voice will get, and still not fully grown. just starting to shave, and care about hygiene-thank the gawds!!

as i did with my dd, i gave him a book about male bodies changing, and keeping himself healthy, etc. aside from that, he needs much less from me emotionally supporting him as he grows through these changes. a hug from mom will do at the end of the day-as with my dd, she needs talk after talk, after talk

there's a reason why i only have one girl, that's for sure! mine is so incredibly intense, i don't think i have enough left for another one.

[journeymom]

Regarding a celebration for boys, at one point I had a more elaborate plan for dd when she got her first menses. I was going to organize a camping trip with just women: me, my sisters, my mother, my nieces. Getting to know my daughter better, I realized this wouldn't appeal to her at all. However, something like that might be appropriate to celebrate for a boy's passage into manhood. A group of men off on a hiking trip, maybe to talk about stories from their childhood. As to when, I dunno. Maybe 13? That's when a bar mitzvah happens, right?

I'm not sure what's entailed in a bar/bat mitzvah, but I've always wondered. I mean, I realize it's when a child takes on adult responsiblity to the commandments. But what are the steps in the process? Any Jewish mama's willing to explain?

[merpk]

journeymom, to be incredibly brief, there are no steps in the process. One day the boy is a boy, with no responsibility/obligation with regard to commandments/mitzvot, and the next day the boy is a little man, and is responsible for and obligated to live with certain guidelines and to perform certain religious rituals. No steps.

If the steps you're talking about involve the big party some folks throw for them, well, that's another story, and is a cultural "let's have a big party" thing, with no religious meaning whatsoever.