Your son is making the other kids bite him....

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I'm having a hard time trying to explain to daycare parents that the reason their two year old is the ONLY child who ever gets bitten is because he brings it on himself.

He's relentless when he wants something.  Sometimes it's a toy, or a hug, or "Come with me", or "look at this".  He can ask/demand so many times in one breath that it's overwhelming to everybody.  Once he zeros in on something, he doesn't quit.  I can remove him, but he's just so frustrated that he'll bite himself.

He's SUPER perky.  He oozes happiness.  He's like Sponge Bob and a cheerleader all rolled into one.

But, at least once a day, someone bites him.  Even the kids who aren't biters will bite him.  

It's hard to say "he makes people want to bite him".  LOL...  I wouldn't SAY that.. but, it is truth.  

When he's not obsessing over something, he's wonderful and perfect.  I wouldn't change him for the whole world, and I love his happy spirit.  I just wish he'd learn to back off without intervention.

[zinemama]

This sounds strange to me. My son has never bitten anyone, even though he has been extremely provoked on many occasions, mostly by his little brother (who, quite frankly, can be a real pest). I'm not doubting that what you describe is happening, but it just sounds very odd that so many children are biting this one child. I'm sure he is just as annoying at times as you say, but it kind of makes me wonder about these other kids and whether they are in fact, "not biters."

[Rani]

I disagree....I think if its just this child that is getting bitten but no real pattern in WHO..then its the child.  My daughter used to get bitten but it was by specific children that had other things going on. There was a defined pattern.

Perhaps you can couch it in terms of him not respecting other's personal space but not with negative behaviours, rather, just too much..too overwhelming for the other kids..so they react with the last option left after no or redirect doesn't work.

[Alyantavid]

I certainly wouldn't tell a parent that their child was "asking" to get bitten.  It is your job to intervene and regardless of why, it's not ok to bite.

When you do talk to the parents, let them know what you are doing about the situation and maybe give them some tips on things they work on at home.  But I wouldn't blame this kid for others biting him.

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Originally Posted by Rani 

Perhaps you can couch it in terms of him not respecting other's personal space but not with negative behaviours, rather, just too much..too overwhelming for the other kids..so they react with the last option left after no or redirect doesn't work.

That sounds good!  Really, he's overwhelming, but it's not really bad behaviors.  Just too much of a good thing.   I've been watching lately, and he's always being bitten on the forearms, so I think he's actually sticking his arm in their face in order to get what he wants.   I've pulled him off of his friends twice today (no bites so far) but, then he bit himself.  

[Spring Lily]

It sounds like he really is "asking" then, if he's putting his arm to their mouths and if they don't bite him he bites himself.

I'd find that very concerning, that a child is biting himself repeatedly and having others do it too. I'd bring it up to the parents as a concern and ask if he's biting himself at home too. I don't know what could be causing that, maybe a sensory issue? It seems like a dialogue needs to begin between you and the parents about this child, to make sure he's getting what he needs while he's with you. You and the parents need to be on the same page about how to handle this behavior. The social stuff could just be immaturity, but it will help him most if you and the parents are intervening consistently at home and daycare, and telling him the same things in both places. I wouldn't talk in a blaming way about whose fault it is or who is doing what, more just specifics about coming up with a plan to help him through this phase.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

  I've been watching lately, and he's always being bitten on the forearms, so I think he's actually sticking his arm in their face in order to get what he wants.   I've pulled him off of his friends twice today (no bites so far) but, then he bit himself.  

Ok, now that makes more sense.

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Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

It sounds like he really is "asking" then, if he's putting his arm to their mouths and if they don't bite him he bites himself.

I'd find that very concerning, that a child is biting himself repeatedly and having others do it too. I'd bring it up to the parents as a concern and ask if he's biting himself at home too. I don't know what could be causing that, maybe a sensory issue? It seems like a dialogue needs to begin between you and the parents about this child, to make sure he's getting what he needs while he's with you. You and the parents need to be on the same page about how to handle this behavior. The social stuff could just be immaturity, but it will help him most if you and the parents are intervening consistently at home and daycare, and telling him the same things in both places. I wouldn't talk in a blaming way about whose fault it is or who is doing what, more just specifics about coming up with a plan to help him through this phase.

They've actually bitten him too though.  He's not ONLY biting himself.  He's been biting himself since last year. 

I can tell which child bites him by the teeth marks on his arm.  Fortunately, he's only had marks on him at the end of the day a few times.  The marks usually fade.  

He's sticking his arm in their faces because it's the "toughest" thing he can think of to do.  It's like puffing his chest and getting in someone's face...but, instead he sticks his arm in their face.  For instance, if he wants to ride the bouncy horse, but someone is on it,  he gets in their way, and puts his arm in their face to get them off.  Sometimes, they bite the arm he's sticking in their face.   I can redirect him, and then he bites himself.  

[Agatha_Ann]

I have a daycare too and I have one little girl who is the only one bitten here. Heck, she was even bitten at library storytime yesterday by a complete stranger! I really think she is a target because she is very dramatic. She gives the same reaction if someone looks at her while she is holding a toy as she did the day she slammed her fingers in the door. No matter what happens to her, she is so upset she literally loses control of her legs, crumbles to the floor, and screams sometimes till she passes out. Seriously, one morning she passed out when I asked her not to put a book in her mouth. I think other children find her reactions curious and tend to zero in on her.

I have lots of friends who have daycares who have confirmed they also have one child the rest seem to target, and they always seem to have something exaggerated about their personality.

Biting is not ok and I am not saying it is. Since my little one tends to be the target of all the other kids, I shadow her as much as I possibly can.

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

He's SUPER perky.  He oozes happiness.  He's like Sponge Bob and a cheerleader all rolled into one.

I have no advice, but I have to say this made me laugh so hard I spit my coffee out.

[Spring Lily]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

They've actually bitten him too though.  He's not ONLY biting himself.  He's been biting himself since last year. 

I can tell which child bites him by the teeth marks on his arm.  Fortunately, he's only had marks on him at the end of the day a few times.  The marks usually fade.  

He's sticking his arm in their faces because it's the "toughest" thing he can think of to do.  It's like puffing his chest and getting in someone's face...but, instead he sticks his arm in their face.  For instance, if he wants to ride the bouncy horse, but someone is on it,  he gets in their way, and puts his arm in their face to get them off.  Sometimes, they bite the arm he's sticking in their face.   I can redirect him, and then he bites himself.  

Yeah, I know they're biting him. I still think the important part is what I said about talking to the parents and coming up with a plan of how to deal with him and his behavior so that there is consistency at home and daycare.

[LROM]

So OP, what are you going to tell the parents?  Even if it's happened before that one child is targeted in a class, the child who's getting bitten is exhibiting really concerning behaviors.  Are you going to review with the parents what he does before he gets bitten?  Maybe framing it that way "This is what I've noticed keeps happening before either someone else bites him or he bites himself:....." maybe that will help them see you aren't blaming him but you are concerned.

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Originally Posted by LROM 

So OP, what are you going to tell the parents?  Even if it's happened before that one child is targeted in a class, the child who's getting bitten is exhibiting really concerning behaviors.  Are you going to review with the parents what he does before he gets bitten?  Maybe framing it that way "This is what I've noticed keeps happening before either someone else bites him or he bites himself:....." maybe that will help them see you aren't blaming him but you are concerned.

The dad and I were joking about his future wife.  We were saying how he needed a really low key wife so they could balance each other out.  Then he said they went to an Easter egg hunt in the neighborhood park the day before Easter and Two completely random kids bit him on the arm.  Then, this morning, he came in showing me a bite mark on his shoulder... Mom said that a boy at Bible study bit him.  

Even these kids don't bite him that often... so, I felt slightly better than he was bitten three times in one week but only once here at my house this week.  

So, it turns out, I didn't need to say much, they seem to notice the trend too.  

He's such a fun happy kid too.. I don't know why other kids find him so annoying.

[mattemma04]

My dd was in a preschool and no one ever bit. Did not realise it was a common problem. I would let all the parents know what was going on,because they all need to help their kids to express themselves in a more appropriate manner. If kids continued to bite or act inappropriately to the point of annoying/hurting others then they should be removed from the program.

[AislinCarys]

I've worked as a nanny for many years, and before DD was born I cared for 3 yo twins. The parents told me to watch out for C, as she'd bite or hit or kick her sister. The family dealt with it by putting C in the "naughty chair" (I hate that word, naughty. On my time it was "Time out", and I went there myself when I needed to calm down too), and by taking her special toy and placing him on the fridge where she could see him but not reaching .

Anyway, I observed the girls interacting, and noticed that C mostly wanted to play on her own, she'd get herself immersed in her play, and hated to be interrupted. E on the other hand was very social (and good at charming adults ). She was sweetness itself to me, but was bothering her sister at any moment she could, getting in her way, poking her hands in front of her, talked and talked insisting on an answer, tried to join in with the toys etc. C didn't like it, and after a while she leashed out. E would be innocence written allover, contentedly watching C get punished.

I had a talk with E, and told her that she'd better stay out of C's way, she could play with me or J (the third child, also 3), that I'd warn her if she bothered her sister, and that if she didn't leave her sister alone the, and come and play with something else, she'd have to go and sit in time out. That day E was in time out 3 times, and Cdidn't hurt her once, the next day E was in time out once. After a week I only very rarely had to warn her.

[CarrieMF]

I agree you need to talk to all the parents AND all the kids.  Just because this kid is putting him arm in their faces doesn't give these other kids a right to bite him.  If he bites himself then so be it, but it isn't okay for the other kids to bite him.   The kids who aren't biters are biting him, that tells me this happens alot & they're picking up that this is an okay behaviour.  it doesn't matter if the marks fade by the end of the day or not it shouldn't be happening in the first place.  It may mean you have to shadow him for a while to teach him to stay out of people's personal space, but him biting himself is better than allowing the other kids to bite him.