19 mo hitting and pinching

[Katc8910]

I'm looking for advice on how to handle my 19 mo DD hitting and pinching me.  She does it only when she's upset with me (ex. I won't let her have something or I want to change her diaper when she doesn't , ewant totc.).  So it seems like she does it in anger, but I'm not sure she actually understands that she's hurting me.  We use gentle discipline so when she hits or pinches me, I say "ouch, that hurts mama" or "no hitting, pinching - it hurts", "soft and gentle touches please", etc.  Sometimes she does it and she looks really angry.  Sometimes she'll pinch me real hard and say "ouch!" and she'll laugh as she does it.  Or she'll touch my face gently and say "soft" and then smack me really hard and say "ouch!" while laughing.  I'm trying to tell myself that she does not understand that she's hurting me and that she's just interested in seeing my reaction, which apparently amuses her.  However, in the moment, it gets very frustrating and I sometimes feel myself getting angry and resentful.  It's easier for me to handle it when she's laughing while she does it, but when she does it in anger, I have a hard time dealing with it.  I realize that she may be in this stage for a long time & I want to learn how to handle it without getting so worked up about it & I want to teach her not to hurt others.  (also, she does it almost exclusively with me)

[JordanKX]

curious about responses too... my 19mo DS has started pinching. He seems to know when his nails are getting long. He digs them in. Most of the time, also, with laughter - not seemingly malicious. And the reactive... "ouie... that hurts mommy... be nice to mommy.... soft" (and take his hands and show him Soft. And then he'll pinch me again.

[elisheva]

My 18 month old dd has started doing this, too. I've noticed it most often when she's tired. IMNSHO, it's a phase. I don't like getting hurt, so I try to expect the attacks and fend them off before they occur. If she gets a smack in, I say something along the lines of "no hitting! Hitting hurts." and I fend off the next blow (there's almost always a next blow). If it's really bugging me (she's taken to kicking me in my belly lately) I will hold her feet away from me or put her in a position where she can't continue to kick me. She also thinks it's all hilariously funny. That said, my two sons went through similar phases and they are now very empathetic. I think this is just one of those things they have to work through and you have to try to minimize the damage done to yourself or others.

[D_McG]

With my DS what worked was to make him retouch me, gently. With my DD what worked was to talk away immediately, (put her down if I was holding her).

[Katc8910]

Thank you everyone for the helpful advice. My DD has been in this phase for quite some time so I'm really looking forward to a new phase . She also started having tantrums at around 12 mo, long before the terrible 2s! She's very spirited and strong willed. And I love that about her! I hope she grows up to be a strong and confident woman. But I think that means that we have our hands full!