3 year old with a bad temper and very hyper! how to i change it how much disiplin is to much?

[yongestoneof2]

I have a 3 year old son. he has been thru alot in his life already he has seen alot of drama and fighting. But now the fighting has finally stopped but now its starting to show. I know some is normal for his age but how much is to much. He is alwaysa jumping on company and yelling in there faces. He likes to punch people for fun like hes playing and he throws huge fits anywhere! He will scream bloody murder over the smallest things. he is very smart! and i can tell when he just chooses not to listen. when he is told what to do he laughs and says no i dont want to and then if i make him he acts likes its the end of the world. he also is getting bad at telling me and his father no. what do i do? give me advice im 18 and still getting used to all of this with no other experienced moms help my mom isnt around and im 33 weeks pregnant on my second and i want him to act better for when his brother joins us any advice out there???

[PoppyMama]

That can be a difficult age and if your son has been exposed to a lot of aggression it can give him a lot of inappropriate ways to show his feelings. Its going to take a lot of patience from the adults in his life to help him get through this stage and learn to show his feelings in a better way. Try to give him as much positive attention as you can and set him up for success and positive attention whenever you can. If he's good at something give him more opportuniies to do it the more positvely he is treated the more positively he will see himself and he more positively he sees himself the less angry and frustrated he will be. When he is behaving in an unacceptable way try to remove him from the situation and help him vent safely. Picures of faces showing different feelings can really help kids who don't have the vocabulary to tell you how hey feel. Most importantly make sure that he knows you love him at all times even when you don't like his behavior. Its hard and you'll do badly sometimes just like he will but keep on trucking. Good luck with your babies. I have a toddler and a young infant- second time with this age combo and my older two are teen/tween- and I sit here and cry a couple of times a.week because it takes so much patience. It's good practice for puberty though.

[organicviolin]

This may seem silly but I have seen this type of thing before.  I agree with pp here too.

What's his diet like?  Does he eat a lot of processed foods?  Lots of sugar and food colorings?  I would examine his diet closely bc he could also have food sensitivity issues.

The things to look out for and to possibly change/eliminate:

sugar, especially refined (aka white sugar)

any food colorings

additives like msg

pasturized dairy (if you can get raw then go for it)

soy

gluten

I have known several kids that behave similarly to your kiddo - once diet changes were implemented and lots of positive love, attention and behavior modification were implemented the kid became much much easier and a real joy to live with and be around.

Best of luck!

[yongestoneof2]

wow. really? yeah i belive  his diet could be better. He is really spoiled by grandparents and he goes there alot. I didn't realize that could be a problem with it thanks!!

[organicviolin]

my pleasure.  it doesn't hurt to try eliminating things to see if things improve kwim?  Shoot me a pm if you would like resources and other info as well as info as to how we eat. 

[Kedrosami]

It sounds like some of that is just normal little boy behavior, but...

I just started reading a book called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. He talks about how too much clutter and information, and too much exposure to complicated adult stuff, (adult conversations, fighting, etc.) can actually give young children post-traumatic stress disorder! He describes a lot of your son's behavior as common symptoms of this.

I haven't read very far into the book yet but I can tell it would be helpful for you. According to the reviews on Amazon, he gives very practical ideas like how to reduce the number of toys in the home, make the child's environment calm and quiet, have predictable routines and protect them from seeing and hearing "too much" for them to handle.

I don't have the same situation as you, but still I'm looking forward to implementing some of his ideas just to make things better for my own DS!

HTH

[organicviolin]

that book is amazing.  It will also help tremendously :)

[Greenlea]

Try cutting out red dye.  I've heard it does horrible things to a child's temperment. 

[LROM]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but when you say he's already witnessed a lot of stress and fighting, I think no matter what else you try with diet and positive reinforcement, you do also need to look at what he's witnessed/learned in his life so far.

Are there any home visiting programs around, or can you check at the hospital where you had him to see if they offer any parenting support classes/resources on parenting toddlers?

If there's a La Leche League near you as well, they may know of some good parent supports for looking at discipline, boundaries and being able to tell "normal toddler behavior" from "concerning behavior" and ideas of what to do to improve that behavior.

It's great that you're noticing these things and asking questions.  I really feel in my own experience that while looking at his diet is totally a great and useful thing to do, where you know he's witnessed a lot of drama and fighting, you can predict some behavior challenges and I think you're awesome to look for answers.  Don't be afraid to ask around in your own community for parenting help/suggestions.  Things like being consistent and clear about when and why you discipline are key, and also talking to him about what's ok and what's not ok behavior.  People who specialize in helping parents with these things can be SO helpful!

Good luck, please update your post on what you find out and how it goes.

[flightgoddess]

At minimum, you will need to have a battle (sooner rather than later) about the PHYSICAL actions and violence. If he has done it to adults and kids, he may do it to the new baby. Have a zero tolerance policy for physical violence (hitting, pushing, kicking, biting, etc, even the jumping) If he doesn't listend when you say 'No, stop" then you have to physically remove him from the situation into whatever time out system you have. Tell him why it is not ok to be violent, that it hurts people. Tell him why it is not ok to jump on people, like every one has their own personal space, or in the case of elderly or kids, they may get hurt. Work with him to put his frustrations into words. Help him learn to say "I'm mad at so and so" instead of physically hitting so and so, for example. And he's 3, so he probably needs your help to understand which feelings he might be feeling and to define them or say them in words.