I am a bit teary as I even write this. I had no idea this was going on, and I already felt so ashamed about myself.
It's been 2 years since the birth of my second boy. He was 9 pounds, 21 inches. I was proud to have such a big baby being small myself at 5'1 95 pounds pre-pregnancy. I was hoping the joy would just continue and continue, but it didn't.
We are now trying for number 3 and I have fallen into somewhat of a depression for the first time in my life. I feel shamed, embarassed and utterly saddened. My stomach after giving birth to him, was a huge hernia- I looked 6 months pregnant for months after the birth, along with skin so baggy and so wrinkly I looked like an 80 year old in my tummy area.
Well, the big new news is that my vaginal floor muscles are completely deteriorated. I had wondered why the past 2 years, I haven't been able to keep in urine, now I know why. I was also wondering why doing kegals religiously (and I've been properly trained how), were also not doing anything. In fact, they wouldn't even budge when I tried. When I saw the specialist last week, she measured everything, tested everything, and determined that huge fat buldge in my "area" was in fact, bladder prolapse- there are no muscles holding it in place. They're in a constant state of jitteriness and weakness.
I guess I am just looking for mutual experience or just plain flat out support. I feel like the ugliest 25 year old girl out there, and since finding out about my floor muscles, I have even more reason to completely hate my body. DTD is often difficult because of my lack of confidence and now I am even less confident because of my muscles.
Suggestions, or even personal experiences are so welcome. I am hoping this will all pass, that I will be able to figure this out, and that I will gain my confidence back, because I just don't have it anymore, and it's saddening my husband, and most of all, me.
To top this all off, my best friend told me "I think this means you should only have c-sections now". Well, that's not the best thing to tell someone who is so passionate about natural birth and what it means to have a beautiful bonding experience. I can't just do that so lightly, KWIM?
But maybe I should just shove natural birth out the window now. If physical therapy won't cure this, I have no idea what's in store for me, my health and our dream of a big family.
Thanks in advance for anyone who responds...