If you have 3+ babes already and are planning more, please talk to me!

[mama_Agnieszka]

Hi all!

(If this should go into a different forum, please let me know!).  I'm wondering if there any here who have 3 or more kiddos and are trying to conceive again.  Just really want to chat with you about your decision, and how you made it, to have more than three little monkeys!  I really feel that I "need" to have more but my head is not really on board, is rather anxious about the whole thing...  We are not well off, have limited resources, have a wee bit of family support... and all of this is making me think that wanting more than 3 is really, well, irresponsible in our case!  But I want one more anyway!  And being torn like this has been damn difficult.  How do you make a decision like that?  I've talked to some mothers whose kids are grown now, who have said, don't make your decisions exclusively based on money... and I tend to agree with that. But, it is a huge thing - having enough to cover the expenses, having enough no to drown in debt, etc...  AND of  course, having enough energy to mother a full house, too!  

[mama_Agnieszka]

anyone, please?

[Peony]

Well, honestly the decision was made for me, #4 was meant to be.  I agree it can be a very difficult decision and was one I also struggled with. I had to have my first three, no question about it, the 4th child was the first one that seemed optional. We were in a slightly different boat, we could swing another child, no doubt they are expensive and as my 8 year has shown me, they all get even more expensive the older they get.  I was thinking about things like having to cut down in other areas even more, having to hire more sitters for more time now (I work part time), the strain on the rest of the family and certainly me. I have no magic answer for you because I was seriously wrestling with the same thing last fall and then bam, I was pg and had gotten that way because I had been fertile during a time in my cycle that I have ever had been before. Back to the child that was supposed to be there thing.... Despite this being the first pg that we didn't TTC for, it was like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, the decision was made!

[ears73]

I've got 3 and have gone on and off thinking about #4...  Had my first at 18 & he is now 18...  I also have a 14 y.o. and my 16 month old who is pure joy for me (albeit, we were so almost done!  Surprise!).  Now I wonder about a fourth just so the babe can have a buddy closer in age...  I don't know if there is a real answer for this - you end up just going with whatever happens and that is that.  But the endless questioning of the if's is simply awful.  My .02 is to decide in two or three months.  Set a date in the future to make the decision and let your mind wander about it.  Do you like your life as it is?  Do you think about going places or doing things without an infant?  Do you "need" to have another child inside your heart? 

I know I am a good mother most times but have not had kids close together before.  If we do, it should be sooner rather than later as I am 37 and...well...time, for me, is running out.  I do want to get on to other things.  That said, my husband just emailed me a pic of him holding his co-worker's daughter and the caption said "guess what I am thinking" so he is on board for trying for the girl.  He is out a lot and I do all the work so it really is me who should decide...  rambling here, but maybe some of this helps?

Anyway - here's to peaceful sleeping...for a little while now or in the future!!

[ZombieMama]

My 3 sons are a wonderful gift from my (not so wonderful) ex-husband. My current partner and I wanted a baby, so decided to go from 3 to 4 really wasn't that difficult for me. When my daughter was 3 months old, my partner turned to me one night and said "We should have another one. Soon. Now." I laughed. I told him how hard it was to have more than one child on a full-time basis (I share custody of my sons with my ex), and how ESPECIALLY difficult it is to have children so close in age.

And then I thought about it.

And it made sense.

It just felt right. Even though we are not in the best financial situation, even though we have no support from either of our families, even though there are days that end in tears, it just made sense to me.

We began TTC when DD was 5 months old, and now we are expecting baby #5 in December.

And you know what? We've already begun talking about baby #6...

[zjande]

I'm pregnant with my 6th. Only my first 2 babies were "surprises", the rest planned.

I don't think I really have any answers, though. :p I just always knew I wanted tons of kids. Unfortunately I was in a bad marriage through my 20s, but still had my "surprise" kids. Once I divorced, I met my now & forever dreamy husband when I was 30, and we've been making up for lost time ever since. :) We haven't bothered with birth control since 9 months after meeting, and I've been overjoyed with each pregnancy. I never felt like I "made a decision" after wrestling with a question of number of kids. I really just wanted a bunch! :D And when I met my now-husband, and learned that he felt the same about kids (couldn't wait to have them, and lots) then I was beyond happy & couldn't wait to have babies with him.

[mama_Agnieszka]

Hi ladies!

Thanks to all of you who shared your thoughts and experiences on this!  We are thinking hard right now; and in fact we thought we were pregnant just last week!  But no, and I'm glad because I don't feel ready.

So, here is the other thing: money!!!  Yes, it's totally in the forefront of my mind.  We'd need a bigger space - I don't mean that everyone has to have their own bedroom, just that we need a den or playroom or something in addition to our one and only smallish living room space where we are all together nearly at all times... and probably another bathroom (we have one).  All of that can be possible later, it doesn't have to be now already...  But I wonder if my now 6 year old is going to somehow suffer for it if she is constantly surrounded by the little ones...  Maybe I've got it wrong - how did you do it?

how *do* you do it?  My dh's income is decent, I think, and we are far from being into "keeping up" with material things, don't need a new car, don't need knew electronics, we hardly buy any toys...  But, we buy organic foods exclusively and don't want to ever go back to eating conventional foods (this is NOT a judgement on anyone else's choices!!!).  That is damn expensive!  Bottom line, we do not have extra income rolling around.  Is it a wise decision to add another person to the family when we do not have the money?? 

[zjande]

Hmm, I really think that's something you & your husband have to answer yourselves. We all have different priorities, different ideas on what's "needed" for each kid, different dreams & plans.. You guys would probably want to look at your husband's job, is it secure? Does he want to stick with this career? Does he see himself being able to make more income at it in the future (promotions, raises)? And just how much more money would it cost to add one more baby? Maybe you already have clothes, diapers, bedding. I also think that if you have plenty of good outdoor space for the kids, the house does not need to be huge. The backyard can be your playroom! :)

Personally, I would never want to live with only one bathroom. :p But plenty of large families do!  As for a sibling "suffering" from lots of siblings, I wouldn't worry about that one bit. It's hard work spreading yourself out amongst all the kids, but I think siblings are wonderful. Siblings provide playmates, friends, and plenty of lessons in sharing, communication, giving, helping, and also more fun & laughter. I don't think it makes a lot of sense to raise kids (like I was raised) with their very own bedroom full of their very own stuff they never have to share. When are we, as adults, going to live that way? I share all my space & stuff with my husband! :) Siblings help us not be selfish.

Anyway, I get MUCH inspiration and ideas from the "moms of many" resources out there- blogs, books, websites. If you're interested in any of those, I'd be happy to share some links. There are a lot of resources that really spell out how moms of 6, 8, 10, 15+  DO it all. And of course there are the Duggars books & movies. I don't know any mom more inspiring!