where's the payoff?

[mizznicole]

I nursed DS1 for 2 years, in order to get this supposed "maximum benefit" you get for doing that.

Well, what benefit was that supposed to be?  Since we joined a school community, he has been sick ALL THE TIME.  So it can't be less sickness.

He has tantrums and acts defiantly as ever, so it can't be behavioral.

He is not very confident in new situations, so it can't be a confidence booster.

The best I can tell is that I avoided paying for formula and milk for an extra year.  Please help me understand.  I think that I'm most frustrated by his constant sickness and probable allergies.

[Lyss]

I have thought that often too, but I also think that maybe DD1 or DS would have been MORE sick with WORSE asthma if they hadn't been breastfed.  If it's any comfort, at ages 5 and 3, they're pretty healthy.  ((hugs))

[Bokonon]

It's not just an infant/toddler benefit; breastfeeding has lifelong health benefits.  Decreased risk of certain cancers, obesity, asthma...

And really, they aren't benefits.  Breastfeeding is the standard.  Formula has disadvantages - increased risk of cancers, obesity, asthma, etc.

My son was breastfed for almost 2 years and gets sick all the time too.  It's just part of childhood.  It doesn't mean that the breastmilk didn't "work".  He's a bright, generally healthy kid.  I certainly don't feel like I wasted time by breastfeeding him!

I understand that it's frustrating, but surely you have seen the statistics about how breastfed children in general are healthier than formula fed ones.  

[happysmileylady]

I have three kids.  DD1 is 15, never BF.  She has never had an ear infection, the most she's ever been sick was halfway through her first year in kindergarten when she got chicken pox, the only "standard" she wasn't vax for, and then endured months of near continuous throat infections until she had her tonsils out in August of her 1st grade year.  Then, rarely if ever sick after that, had several semesters of perfect attendance at school even.  She's never had allergies (and the other half of her genetics was full of them,) is in honors classes at school, and is a perfectly average weight.

DD2 is only 2.5.  She was EBF for about 3 months, then BF and FF for another 2 months, then straight FF until she was slowly switched to cow's milk around a year.  She got RSV when she was 2 months old, before ever having any formula.  She doesn't have any known allergies, but has developed a couple of random reactions in the last 6 months or so that we can't find the source of (only like 2 or 3 times.)  She's a super skinny kid. 

DD3 is only 7 months.  Never been sick.

To me, the benefits of BM when compared to formula, are simlar to the benefits of picking your veggies right out of your own home garden, vs a bag of plain frozen veggies.  IOW, there are benefits, but they are NOT the super spectacular things many lactivists would have you believe.  Check the allergies forum and you will find hundreds of posts from mammas who EBF their kids for a long time, and engage in extended BF as well, yet their kids have lots of allergies.  I have seen articles that discuss increasing intelligence...and the reality is that it might be like half an IQ point or so.  There are HUNDREDS of factors contributing to obesity, breastmilk will never be a make it or break it in that department.  And sickness...the baby is only benefitting off mom's immune system for a short time before his or her own kicks in.  Breastmilk does not somehow bestow all of mom's healthy immune system upon the baby, it simply gives it a crutch for a short time. 

Breastmilk is not some miracle liquid gold that guarantees health and wealth.  It's just a small stepping stone in a life long habit of healthy eating.  Formula is not rat poison that condems babies to a life of illness and anaphylactic reactions.  It's just food.

It is my experience and belief that the maximum benefit of breastmilk is that it's free.  It saves me $11 a week.  It didn't prevent my middle one from getting RSV, and not having it didn't make my oldest sickly either. 

[CheriK]

Yes, everything that Bokonon said.  That's the key - formula feeding entails certain risks.  It's not that the breastfed baby is healthier, it's that the formula fed baby has a higher risk of. . . respiratory and GI illness, allergies, asthma, diabetes, heart disease, cancer. . .it's a long list, and it's lifelong.

When we talk about risks and benefits, we're talking about populations.  There's no way to know for a particular individual what the effects of not breastfeeding will be.  This is also why some folks claim that they or their children were formula fed and are "fine" - that person STILL has an increased risk of all of the above, but what is their baseline, genetic and environmental risk?  If it's low, then they might be okay.  If they have particular risk factors, then they might be really in trouble.  And so many of these illnesses have many factors that affect them, in an individual it's impossible to parse out a "cause", so if an adult develops heart disease you can't say it was or wasn't due to the way they were fed as an infant instead of the fact that they ate McDonalds hamburgers 5x a week for 20 years.  (You hear the same misunderstanding in statements like, "My grandmother smoked 2 packs a day and she lived to be 90, so cigarettes can't be that bad.")

More than likely, your DS was sick less often and less severely as an infant/toddler then he would have been if you'd fed formula.  If he has allergies and was breastfed, likely you wouldn't be mentioning "probable" allergies, they'd be definite.  My DD1 has eczema (severe while she was still breastfeeding), seasonal allergies, and now it appears asthma as well.  I don't think that's a failure of breastfeeding, it's just her genes, which unfortunately in this case are my fault, LOL!

I was so smugly satisfied about breastfeeding with my twins who were never sick as infants and toddlers.  Well, my 3rd child is sick all the time.  She had a cold a month for her first 6 months.  Exclusively breastfed, never a drop of formula (which the twins had), but the same circumstances as your DS now - in a school-aged community, exposed to other children on a daily basis, kids are going to get sick.  That's just the name of the game.  You can reduce the frequency and severity to some extent with frequent hand washing, teaching kids not to touch their eyes/noses, eating a healthy diet, getting plenty of rest, but even w/ all of that they will get sick.  And darn it, I was breastfed but I always get whatever any of my kids bring home and I'm always the sickest - how's that fair?!? 

As far as behavior, sounds like a typical preschool or early gradeschool boy to me.  So much of that is innate personality and/or age-related.  Breastfeeding a toddler or preschooler can help with connection and awareness of your child's needs, so it can help you manage those types of issues, but it isn't going to make an extrovert out of an introvert, or prevent a tired, upset child from tantruming.   There are some great resources for positive discipline and working with your child's personality that might make it easier.