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Do you speak up or bite your lip when people bash extended BF?

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 

I know I am a statistical anomaly in the US population because I choose to BF my kids until they are walking, talking, solid food eating, preschool attending children.  But the simple fact is that since I don't wear a shirt stating this fact, most people don't know that about me, and to be honest we kept it pretty quiet since after age 2 DD fed mostly at night, and so it was easier to let most people assume we had weaned her.  (She weaned at age 4).  

 

Today at work, I was talking with some colleges about an upcoming baby shower, and I was commenting on how I never know how to encourage a pregnant mom to BF and pump after returning to work (I pump at work currently.)  This led to a conversation about BF, and one woman commenting about how after 6 months you should just give water after bedtime to encourage them to STTN :(  Then another one told this SHOCKING story about a friend of hers that had her TWO YEAR OLD at a party and was still breastfeeding him!  And the child could eat!  FOOD!  <GASP>...I sort of quietly commented that I fed my child after she was old enough to ask for it, and that the BM is still good for them, but I felt like I was crawling out on a limb.  I didn't want to let them know that I had BF my DD for twice that long.  I can only imagine how horrified they would have been.  If nothing else it would have been a conversation killer.

 

So now I'm wondering.  For all you extended BF moms out there, when conversations turn to BF are you all out there with your choice to extended BF or do you sort of bite your lip and go with the flow?  I'm already the hippy weirdo at my fairly conservative workplace, but even so I don't want to be seen as too far "out there", if you know what I mean.  Go along to get along?  Speak out and rock the boat?  Where do you fall?  What do you do?

post #2 of 34

I do. I just say, "Oh, huh, yea I did that." And when they say for how long I just say, "Still." It doesn't come up often, but from time to time it does. I figure it's helpful for people to realize that they don't see me as a weirdo, so maybe it's not so weird? And people generally love my kids cause they're fun and polite and very verbose. It's quite obvious that extended nursing didn't stunt their development. 

post #3 of 34

I'm a boat rocker Sheepish.gif. An evidence based boat rocker.

 

nak

post #4 of 34

Whether or not I rock the boat, and how hard I'm willing to rock depend on the boat I'm in at the time.

 

If I'm confident the people I'm talking to respect me then I'll rock harder than if I'm likely to be dismissed.  Also I'll be more bold if there are women there, especially younger women, who are of child bearing age or younger.  If I can plant a seed or influence a future mom, good. 

 

I usually don't let people bash on extended BF without some comment, even if it's small.

post #5 of 34

I am the type of person to always say something. It is not usually subtle either lol

 

Just do what you feel comfortable with. If someone did bash it like that other woman I would have just said something supporting that woman nursing the 2 y/o.

post #6 of 34

My PEDIATRICIAN said he thinks if nursing goes on much past two there's something wrong with the mother. I just said I disagree. But I am currenly looking for a new pediatrician

post #7 of 34

I would have said something.. probably that the recommendation is to nurse til 2 years at minimum and that nursing around the world often goes on much longer, even in developed first world countries.


 

post #8 of 34

I rock the boat. This got brought up at work the other weekend. I was told that I am weird like that (about nursing a toddler) and I asked good weird or bad weird. I don't announce that I still nurse so was kinda intrigued that people knew. ( I haven't had to pump at work since she was 2yo or so). She was like good weird. to which I smiled.

 

When brought up I usually give some data about it just because it is near and dear to my heart and honestly don't care what people think about it. I am proud to still be nursing and getting to have that part of my relationship with DD2 (and previously ds).

post #9 of 34
It depends on who for me as well. I'm nursing a 1 year old so I haven't gotten many comments yet. My future sister in law was just telling me about a tv show she saw that had a nursing 5 year old. I didn't bother saying anything. But when new moms ask when I'm going to stop I make sure and tell them about the 2 year minimum recommendation. I think if a mom can be encouraged to go that long it won't seem weird to go longer!
post #10 of 34

Well I am really open about my plan to CLW and I do get a ton of ridicule, but I am used to it since everything else I do is ridiculed too.

post #11 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post

Whether or not I rock the boat, and how hard I'm willing to rock depend on the boat I'm in at the time.

 

If I'm confident the people I'm talking to respect me then I'll rock harder than if I'm likely to be dismissed.  Also I'll be more bold if there are women there, especially younger women, who are of child bearing age or younger.  If I can plant a seed or influence a future mom, good. 

 

I usually don't let people bash on extended BF without some comment, even if it's small.



This kind of sums it up for me too.

 

post #12 of 34

I probably wouldn't rock the boat. Maybe I would say something about extended nursing in general, but I would not volunteer that I am still nursing my 3 year old. I'm a sensitive person and prefer to protect myself. People close to me know that DS is still nursing and I have not had negative comments. Just neutral comments. In our neck of the woods, the B.C. government recommends nursing to at least 36 months as per the toddler guide.

post #13 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Picard View Post

 In our neck of the woods, the B.C. government recommends nursing to at least 36 months as per the toddler guide.



love.gif

post #14 of 34

My son isn't even a year yet, and I already find myself having to defend EBF almost constantly. My go-to line is that the WHO recommends nursing until at least two, emphasis on "at least." I never hear about WHO in any other context, but it sounds authoritative enough and normally shuts people up.

 

But PLEASE tell me I'm not the only mother who's constantly (I swear, for a while it was weekly, seems to have slowed down to once or twice a month now) asked... "Have you ever seen the movie 'Grownups?'" and then told all about the scene (I haven't seen the movie, but could probably recite this part by heart now) where the child walks up to the woman and lifts her shirt to nurse, and then when asked how old the kid is, the mother replies "48 months..."

 

People are always shocked when I see nothing wrong with that. If I'm really annoyed, I'll tell people we're hoping to make it to 60 :)

post #15 of 34


YES we get that a lot lol The movie wasn't bashing it at all though, surprisingly there was a lot about BFing in it and at least there was exposure of BFing an older kid. he mom was a hottie too and not made out as a weirdo or anything. I thought the movie was really funny.

 

We have ALWAYS been ridiculed for BFing past a few WEEKS. It is absolutely ridiculous. I had a grown woman walk past us sitting on a bench nursing in a mall once and she said "That's disgusting" and DD was only 6 m/o! She was a grown woman! ERRR

Quote:
Originally Posted by holz View Post

My son isn't even a year yet, and I already find myself having to defend EBF almost constantly. My go-to line is that the WHO recommends nursing until at least two, emphasis on "at least." I never hear about WHO in any other context, but it sounds authoritative enough and normally shuts people up.

 

But PLEASE tell me I'm not the only mother who's constantly (I swear, for a while it was weekly, seems to have slowed down to once or twice a month now) asked... "Have you ever seen the movie 'Grownups?'" and then told all about the scene (I haven't seen the movie, but could probably recite this part by heart now) where the child walks up to the woman and lifts her shirt to nurse, and then when asked how old the kid is, the mother replies "48 months..."

 

People are always shocked when I see nothing wrong with that. If I'm really annoyed, I'll tell people we're hoping to make it to 60 :)



 

post #16 of 34

Wel, dd is 6 and I am no longer bf. However, I actually kind of get a kick out of shocking people these days when this topic comes up. (Dd self-weaned a bit before her 4th birthday.) However, it is easier to be light about it now that I am no longer nursing a 2.5 yo in public or something. Anyway, yes, I would speak up. I used to say something like how all humans used to be breastfed for a long time, stuff like that. I sometimes also used to say that dd and I both find it such a wonderful thing that we don't see any reason to stop or something like " I could never do that to dd" when people talked about weaning -often in not so gentle ways. Depends on the situation what I would say... I don't mind being the odd one out in just about any situation, though.

post #17 of 34



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post

Whether or not I rock the boat, and how hard I'm willing to rock depend on the boat I'm in at the time.

 

If I'm confident the people I'm talking to respect me then I'll rock harder than if I'm likely to be dismissed.  Also I'll be more bold if there are women there, especially younger women, who are of child bearing age or younger.  If I can plant a seed or influence a future mom, good. 

 

I usually don't let people bash on extended BF without some comment, even if it's small.

 

I generally base it on the audience although to be honest, my 3.5 year old and 1 year old still nurse so much during the day that it tends to happen in public.  So once they see it, most people are too appalled to talk to me about it.  Easier just to talk about it behind my back.  lol.gif

post #18 of 34

Me and my circle of friends are all still childless, so I've never heard this kind of bashing offline and therefore haven't had a chance to respond.

 

But if their idea of "extended" breastfeeding is up to two years, I'll probably just quote WHO derisively and roll my eyes. (Under one year, I'll add the CDC and throw in artificial milk's "21% higher post-neonatal mortality rate.")

post #19 of 34

Well, OP, that sounds like an awkward exchange, no matter what.  Usually, depending on my energy level and my investment in the people/relationships involved, I'll go to bat  for extended breastfeeding. 

I usually say something like, "It's proven that it's a significant health benefit for at least two years, and the average age around the world is closer to four, so we're nowhere near average." 

DD is almost 28 months, and is as into nursing now as she every was.  I'm pregnant with our second, so it should be interesting to tackle the tandem questions too.  DD doesn't often nurse in public anymore, unless she's hurt or scared or feeling anxious, so it is usually a case of 'outing' myself in a conversation similar to yours. 

 

post #20 of 34
I tend to speak out. My youngest weaned two years ago and so I am much bolder about it now. If in a situation like that, I might have brought up statistics, but now I'm more likely to throw in that I nursed for way longer than that. Of course if I was talking to someone where my personal life is very irrelevant, I would still leave it at statistics.
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