politely breaking up with doula by email - WWYD?

[imogenlily]

Our original doula made a couple of remarks I was really uncomfortable with, after we signed the contract. We've since picked out a new doula, and I'm ok with losing the $250 deposit we paid the original doula (even though we haven't even had a prenatal visit yet, arrgh!), if it means having someone we're comfortable with.

I need to write the original doula an email saying that we're okay with her keeping the deposit, it just wasn't a good fit, and would she please send back the post-dated cheques besides the deposit. Any advice for how to word this? I want to keep it really brief and unemotional.

[Virginia884]

I would basically word it exactly how you did here, just leaving out some parts. Do you think she would give you some of the deposit back? Perhaps tell her you've found care elsewhere and ask how the two of you proceed from here. 

Glad you found care you are comfortable with!

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Pretty much what the PP said, except I wouldn't immediately offer to let her keep the deposit.  Let her know that she made remarks that made you uncomfortable, then see how she would like to proceed.  Because it's so early, she may be willing to work with you on the deposit.

[zinemama]

It's only fair to let the woman know exactly why you are "breaking up" with you. You can do that and still be brief and unemotional.

[imogenlily]

Originally Posted by diana_of_the_dunes 

Pretty much what the PP said, except I wouldn't immediately offer to let her keep the deposit.  Let her know that she made remarks that made you uncomfortable, then see how she would like to proceed.  Because it's so early, she may be willing to work with you on the deposit.

I actually sent her an email this morning, asking what the penalty for terminating her services would be, and she said she would keep the deposit (despite not rendering any services thus far!).

[lovebeingamomma]

Doulas usually only have so many spots a month, and if they're popular they will have to turn down clients, so your deposit essentially was ensuring that she would be available for you.  If she doesn't get someone else to fill your spot now, well than that's not really fair to her to lose that money.  To me that's why doula contracts exist, and why it's usually clear in the contract that they will keep the deposit if you terminate.  I can't really pick sides here having no idea what she said that made you uncomfortable, but it's good that you found a better fit. 

[imogenlily]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 

Doulas usually only have so many spots a month, and if they're popular they will have to turn down clients, so your deposit essentially was ensuring that she would be available for you.  If she doesn't get someone else to fill your spot now, well than that's not really fair to her to lose that money.  To me that's why doula contracts exist, and why it's usually clear in the contract that they will keep the deposit if you terminate.

Well, yes, that's why I'm giving up the deposit without a fight. I was really just looking for advice on how to tactfully word the termination of services. Although, to be honest, it does bug me to give what is a lot of money to us to someone when the reason I'm terminating the services is because I can't trust them to do their job well, or with sensitivity and tact. So yes, I will be giving up the deposit, and I do in fact understand why. I'm just kicking myself a bit. Maybe I should have specified "s/o" in the subject line of this thread, though I really didn't think that a topic about how to politely word an email was controversial enough that I would need to.

[ryleeee]

Originally Posted by imogenlily 

Well, yes, that's why I'm giving up the deposit without a fight. I was really just looking for advice on how to tactfully word the termination of services. Although, to be honest, it does bug me to give what is a lot of money to us to someone when the reason I'm terminating the services is because I can't trust them to do their job well, or with sensitivity and tact. So yes, I will be giving up the deposit, and I do in fact understand why. I'm just kicking myself a bit. Maybe I should have specified "s/o" in the subject line of this thread, though I really didn't think that a topic about how to politely word an email was controversial enough that I would need to.

i feel for you :(