how successful do you think ec has to be?

[heatherr30]

I am wondering at what point you can say that you are doing EC...

I catch almost all the poops but just can't figure out pees.  DS pees apparently randomly... sometimes he pees when he poops and sometimes I find him in a dry diaper when it should be wet and pee him in the toilet.  Overall I doubt we catch 30% of the pees.

Should I be aiming for more than that?  Or should I just relax and go with that for now. 

I know there are no right and wrongs.  But I feel disappointed that I can't really figure out when to pee him.  I am wondering about other's experiences.  Is my experience with EC very normal, or are most people able to figure their LOs out a little better and maybe I just need to do something differently???  Please share your experiences.  My DS is 3 months old.  Thanks!

[Ellen Griswold]

I don't have a lot of experience (dd is almost 6 months and she's my first ec kid) however, I think you are doing great.  I would just relax - 3 months is still so little.

[nstewart]

It sounds to me like you're doing really well!

I would try to relax and not count the catches and misses.  One day you'll suddenly realize you are catching way more pees than you used to, and in the mean time you'll enjoy the experience more.  I started when DS was 2.5 months and, same as your DS, he didn't signal for pees so I had to go on timing, but it was pretty random.  We were really good at catching poops from day 1 more or less.  At first I felt like I was doing something wrong, then got over it and just relaxed.

Then, all of a sudden when he was about 5 months old, I realized that I was suddenly having very few misses!  At 9 months, I STILL don't always have a good sense as to when he's going to need to go and he still doesn't signal for  pees so we just use timing.  We are however, down to about 2 or so misses a day for pees (some days more, some less) and DS is in trainers during the day.  

Even if you just offer once a day you are "doing EC" if your approach is to try to be attuned to and respond to your child's elimination needs.  

[Ellen Griswold]

Coming back to say that I am a now a big believer in my Baby Bjorn Little Potty.  I was in very much the same boat as you around that 3 month mark with the pees, but when I got my bblp just before 4 months I started to catch many, many more.  I don't think my dd could relax very well bing held in my arms like that.  She's not a light girl and I thought it was uncomfortable for both of us. 

[Jaimee]

I agree that using a little potty can be really helpful.  I like the Ikea potty and it's only $4!  But, I would also say it sounds like you're doing a great job!  At that age, I was catching all poops and some pees just like you and felt like it was a big success.  But I was not going for full time EC, I was just doing it part time and celebrating what I did manage to catch.  Since then ds has gone through a lot of changes and we have had several short and a few long patches were we catch nothing or just one or two a day.  It can be very frustrating during these times, but I think the key to EC is keeping it relaxed.  Eventually they all get back on track and learn to use the potty.  I say any potty time is good potty time. 

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I rarely catch any pees - DS is very busy and quite often will refuse to sit for pee. So lately, I've been catching almost no pees (we always have a backup diaper on him). I'd say poop is about 80% or more.

I'm more concerned with the poop than pee anyway. My goal is to not having him sitting in poop at all, and to keep him using the toilet to some degree so that there is no real "toilet training" - just more and more success over time. So I'd say you're doing very well!

[Tjej]

I found with my DS that he would fuss when being carried/held if he needed to pee.  If you're looking for a tip for catching pees.

But really, don't worry about the misses, celebrate the catches, and you'll find you catch more and more.

Tjej

[heatherr30]

Then, all of a sudden when he was about 5 months old, I realized that I was suddenly having very few misses!  At 9 months, I STILL don't always have a good sense as to when he's going to need to go and he still doesn't signal for  pees so we just use timing.  We are however, down to about 2 or so misses a day for pees (some days more, some less) and DS is in trainers during the day.   

This is exactly what I'm aiming for! I only realized, after PT DD at 2, how much we both HATED diapers.  I would love to have DS in trainers, at least at home, after he learns to crawl, so his movement will be less restricted. Already I noticed DS kicks his legs more and rolls better without his diaper on.  I also noticed how easy it is to get rid of diaper rash when you just leave the diaper off regularly for play time.  I love how EC (potentially) gives you the option of taking the diaper off for a couple of hours without making too many messes in the house. 

Coming back to say that I am a now a big believer in my Baby Bjorn Little Potty.  I was in very much the same boat as you around that 3 month mark with the pees, but when I got my bblp just before 4 months I started to catch many, many more.  I don't think my dd could relax very well bing held in my arms like that.  

Great idea!  Just crossed my mind it might also be good because DS has just learned to grasp toys... which are obviously going to fall in the toilet if we're not careful!

I found with my DS that he would fuss when being carried/held if he needed to pee.  If you're looking for a tip for catching pees. 

On reflection I think the biggest barrier to catching more pees may be that I am also busy looking after his big sister.  Sometimes I notice he signals, esp on days when I have been consistent about offering potty.  It's a lot of work having 2 LOs at the same time to look after and I suppose cultures that really make EC work, have extended family around to help with the kids.  I hope that as he gets older and needs to pee less frequently, I can make more of an effort to take him on time every time. 

I also feel embarrassed to take him freuqently when we are out, I hope when he is able to stand up and wear pull up clothing I can just take him in the toilet with me and people will think it is me who needs to go. :) I don't feel embarrassed to poo him because I am almost always right about when he needs to poo.  But the pees are a bit trickier, I really need him to relax and this is hard when I can't relax because I feel people are staring at me.

[nstewart]

"I also feel embarrassed to take him freuqently when we are out"

I used to feel the exact same.  Now I don't think anything of it!  When someone stares, I just stare back. lol. This actually happened yesterday and I thought "What is she staring at??" and then didn't realize it was because my 9 mos old had just used the toilet until after I left the bathroom.  I forget that my "normal" isn't always everyone else's.  lol. 

The more you EC while out and about, the more comfortable it gets.  I have to say I prefer to find an individual bathroom if I can.  Coffee shops like Starbucks are good for this.  But in a pinch, any bathroom will do.  It also is easier now that DS is in the trainers and can stand up if I hold his balance.  I can just pull his pants and trainers down and then pull them back on when he's done.

[Tjej]

You don't have to tell people what you are doing, and they don't have to watch (they don't get to come in the stall with you when YOU pee, right?).  It can be a bit to get used to, but it really isn't that big a deal.  I ECd a lot of times when people didn't know I was doing it.  I think they thought I was changing diapers many times.

Tjej

[emmaegbert]

catching poo is GREAT. I agree with PP who said that you will realize you are catching more pees than you were before...

DD never really signaled pees but poo was very reliable. I thought that was amazing, kept the diaper pail and the baby's body soooo much cleaner. DD was extremely resistant to pottying when not at home so I just backed off on that personally and let her use dipes.

And yes: focus on the catches, not the misses. Too discouraging to focus on the latter! When I started, I figured that if all EC got me was no (or even frankly fewer) poopy diapers than it was WELL WORTH IT.

[mosomers]

I had a very similar outlook on EC when I first started (I did EC with my now two year old and I'm doing it again with my 10 month old who's just barely starting to get over a 4 month potty strike!) and I've come to realize that if I'm stressing about it, it doesn't go well, becomes a burden, and makes me feel too frustrated to work on it. Especially since I can discern ZERO signs of them needing to pee. I've adopted a much more laid back perspective and it's SO much better that way! I feel more optimistic and content with it than I used to even though we aren't as "successful" as I'd hoped to be. More likely than not, your baby will go on strike at some point in time and if you have goals for how many poops or pees "should" be going in the potty, it will just make you feel frustrated. The more I learn about EC the more I realize that it's a journey and an opportunity to meet your baby's needs and bond with him, but he can make the choice to reject those efforts too. Focusing on the journey, trying to offer the potty without any expectations, and eliminating my need for visible success (not saying that that's a motivating force for you, but it sure was for me!) has really helped me to stay positive and motivated. Also, make sure you cut yourself some slack! As a mom of 4 I can tell you that the more pressure I put on myself to meet all my goals perfectly, the less of them I meet. I've had to settle for mediocre achievement in order to have the emotional energy for excellent effort. I'd hoped for EC success like nstewart is seeing (so cool!!) but my first attempt at EC yielded potty trained at 20 months without a fuss and I'll take that and run with it! Much better than the traditional power struggle PT by 3yo mess I experienced with my oldest 2! Good luck!!

[riboflavin]

I would agree with most the posters here and say you are doing great! Poos are the best to catch and makes life much easier! Being on these boards for a couple years I would say there are no normals except that most everyone goes through good and bad catch times with EC. It seems that a majority of children go through many phases with EC. Sometimes it may be impossible to read cues, but in a few weeks your DS may become very easy to read. Cues also change over time, so it is a continual learning and adjustment process. Try to just have fun and enjoy that you are catching poops for now! 

[jenga68]

I agree you are doing it if you are even trying! This is my first attempt at EC. My DD is 2.5 months old now and I've been at it for about a month, as best I can. I also have an older daughter (26 mo) who we are just now gradually preparing to potty train, so I really hear you on it being tough sometimes to pay as close attention to the baby as I would like. Fortunately I get a lot of help with child care from her grandparents and usually have some uninterrupted time with baby during the day to really pay attention to her.

We currently catch an awful lot of the poops, but not all (she can really grunt or fart a lot and NOT poop, then sometimes poop later unexpectedly or while nursing). Mostly I go by timing or intuition, because there aren't many reliable cues I can discern at this point. A majority of the post-nap attempts are successful, maybe 75-80%, and I don't know how many of the other random attempts - maybe 40% or so. I do know that she often pees while nursing, but the one time I tried nursing while holding her over a receptacle she really hated it (and I can't say that I'd blame her!). I would like to find a way to encourage her to hold the pee until after she's done nursing.

I have to agree with PP who said that just having no or fewer poopy diapers is awesome. Even with incomplete success I have soooo much less poopy laundry now!!

We are currently using disposables. I wondered about changing to cloth or gDiapers sometime in the next few months and whether that would allow her to feel wetness more than she currently can. I assume that the ability to actually feel wetness might encourage her to become more aware of bladder control, because she can learn the consequences of peeing. But then I am not sure how much extra, daily laundry I am up for - I need to keep this manageable for me, too!

Anyway - I definitely notice that some days I feel like I am doing pretty well catching stuff and other days I feel like I suck at it.   I remind myself that the important thing is to just keep trying!

Jen

[emmaegbert]

Originally Posted by mosomers 

Also, make sure you cut yourself some slack! As a mom of 4 I can tell you that the more pressure I put on myself to meet all my goals perfectly, the less of them I meet. I've had to settle for mediocre achievement in order to have the emotional energy for excellent effort.

Excellent advice for EC and everything else too :) I am slowly learning this lesson. And this really was the only way I could do EC and not be frustrated/discouraged.

[nstewart]

Yes, using cloth would help I think.  It will also help at this stage if you can tell right away if she's gone pee (for timing and also so she doesn't get used to sitting in a wet diaper).  What we used were prefold diapers held on with a snappi and with no cover.  Cheap, easy to wash, easy and fast to get on and off and you can tell as soon as they're going or while they're going if you are holding babe.  And while you'll likely have extra laundry for a while, it won't last!  When DS was 3 mos, I had to wash prefolds every day.   By the time he was 5 months I was washing every 3 days and could have gone longer if they didn't HAVE to be washed that often to avoid diaper stink!  And if you're catching most poops, it's not like it's lots of poopy laundry!  But then, I only have 1 DC and I've never really minded doing laundry, at least compared to other chores.

Originally Posted by jenga68 

We are currently using disposables. I wondered about changing to cloth or gDiapers sometime in the next few months and whether that would allow her to feel wetness more than she currently can.