Queer Conceptions - May 2011 - Page 4

[KellySF]

I can see every side to this discussion about when, what, and where to post.  I guess I have to echo Indigo's comments:  I may technically be pregnant, but I'm feeling pretty nervous about the whole thing right about now.  I certainly don't feel pregnant yet and I still feel that I have a lot in common with the QC folks--mainly that I want a viable pregnancy but obviously, it is too early for me to know whether I'm going to get one.  I feel closer to this board than to Q&P where bellies are busting out and people post ultrasound and baby pics.

I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable reporting my beta numbers or EDD.  I'll be more selective about what I post here in the future, but like Carmen said, I plan to keep up on what's happening on QC as I'm pulling for each and every one of us.

[rainbowvalleymama]

thanks for the info wehrli, KellySF, and qmama.  i'm meeting with a local re at my university health clinic this coming monday to talk about the possibility of clomid, although my actual re (not covered by insurance) is in PDX, two hours away.  that way if i decide against using it this cycle, i won't have had to pay $400 to make the decision.  i'm having intensely conflicting feelings about it...on one hand, i'm one of those people that think it's a huge deal to take medications--even common ones like ibuprofen, and rarely do so.  on the other hand, it sounds good to load up all of the extra possibilities for a few follicles, and more specific timing--plus i secretly would be excited (and scared sh*tless) about having twins.  hmm...

krista & everyone-- IRL i have a horrible time with friends' and relatives' pregnancies.  but it feels different to me on these boards, and i personally haven't had any hesitation about q&c and q&p board crossover.  like carmen wrote, i feel inclined to have folks make decisions on a case by case basis of what is right for them.  plus, this is a fairly small community and i count on advice and information from both those still ttc, and those who are pregnant or mamas.  however, i don't spend a lot of time online, and i come here to check in and exchange ideas--and less as an emotional support.  i can understand how it would be different/harder if that was what i needed from this space.  

sara- your ticker is confusing me.  the goldfish are insems and your cycle is 36 days long?  is that right?  how are you feeling?  preggo?

afm- had a mayan fertility massage this morning at my nd's office.  wild.

take care,

e

[lisedea]

rainbow--nice to hear from you again! glad to see you back.

cananny--excited for you to test! whooo hoo! the symptoms sound promising!

sara--personally, i think thinking that you aren't pregnant is a good sign...it seems that every time i just *know* that i am pregnant, i never am. the one time i just *knew* that i wasn't pregnant, i was.

wehrli--your little one is adorable!

so...we are meeting tonight with our KD....a little bit nervous but am hoping it goes well. i think he will be gone the weekend i am supposed to o though...so using him this month might not be an option. if we can't i think we are going to try IUI...if so, i will be contacting sara (or seraf) and amypdx about it...be ready.

[smilingsara]

kelly: I am finally logging on on my computer, especially to update you to graduate! SO sorry that took me so long!

rainbow: No, my cycle isn't normally ever 36 days long, but it has been twice in the past year, so I made my ticker that long, for just incase purposes I guess. We insemed 48 hours apart, mostly because we didnt know what the hell my cycle was doing this month, I'm not happy about me not having the right mucus but a pos opk. (I think I'm going to have to be an odd ball, and not like the Digital Clear Blue opks...). As for how I'm feeling,I feel really good. I've been way busy so I haven't had much time to obcess on it like last month. I don't feel pregnant persay, but the kids have been talking about the baby in my belly all night long, so we shall see whats up. They did the same thing with Sara's positive cycle too! I'm just waiting patiently and not making things up in my head, but still taking vitimans and eating well just incase! 

lise: first of all, how was the meeting?! I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to know how it went! WIll you use him and a vial or two from European still?! Inquring minds want to know if we may have the same donors still! If think you're not pregnant is the way to become pregnant, than I think NO ONE on here is pregnant this month! Thanks for the encouraging words, they always help out! 

Our group discussion: I'm going to have to agree with Carmen. I really like hearing about what everyone is going through, especially the good. I know its really hard to hear someone is pregnant, even though I may not be, but eventually we all will get the positive test we are looking for and will all have beautiful babies to brag about! 

I know I haven't been trying nearly as long as anyone on here, but I feel your pain too. I admit, it is hard to hear that people are pregnant even when I'm not, but I'm thrilled too. Its all about support, you all have shown me such great support and now I can show it back by being truly happy for you (which I totally am!)! I wont get into the stuff thats so hard, because we all feel differently about it, but we're a very bonded group of friends that can get through all of this together.

I don't think we need to discourage people from posting in here, just because they are pregnant. Yes, we can go read about their pregnancies in the other board, but if they feel more comfortable here for a while more, they should feel welcome to continue to post here, about whatever they want to. I know we aren't saying they cannot post in here, but we should still make them feel welcome, as they make us feel welcome on Q&P too! 

Thats just my .

[maxK]

Krista-
I am glad you brought this subject up, it is something I spoke to DP about in the past. I feel very similar to you as well. We all grow so close on this forum sharing our struggle trying to conceive. While it is always a celebration when someone does become pregnant, I agree it becomes difficult to relate to issues of pregnancy as posts continue. I think you are very bold for bringing up this topic and I am sure it will create interesting and mindful discussions. I don’t personally feel there should be any kind of forum rule but hopefully a sense of awareness on everyone’s part can create a safe environment for everyone.

AFM- We have our first adoption agency meeting this Saturday. (I looked over at the adoption forum here and there are barely any posts!) AND! I met a cute gay asian man last Sunday at a poetry reading and I boldly asked him if he would be willing to donate fresh sperm. He said he would like to get to know DP and I better. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a real donor possibility.

[prettyisa]

Indigo--yay for the good beta! Your DP is well on her way!

Lise--part of me wonders if we switched off whether we'd want a different donor anyway to better match my characteristics instead of the one we got this time to match DP. I bet it won't make any difference in the end--it's just something to dwell on in the meantime. I hope it went well with your KD tonight!

Rainbowvalley--I don't have much good advice. I've been using clomid and ovidril and estrace and whatever they call the progesterone and baby asprin (this time) and doing lots of monitoring u/s and bloodwork. The one thing I will say is that it doesn't seem to have affected the timing of my cycle at all. I'm being told to insem exactly the same days I would have expected to for a natural cycle, and my period shows up right on time. So perhaps you could take the clomid (and something to keep your lining fluffy) without lots of observation to see how it's working. Side effects to all of this have been pretty minimal. Some mild headaches that might be caused by the weather, and some moodiness and increased crabbiness.

As for the boards...it's hard. I know what you mean, Krista, about not wanting to have to see the pregnancy stuff when you are personally reeling from a BFN or another setback. But on the other hand, I think it kind of misses the point to not let people stick it out until they feel well and truly pregnant. I think that the betas are still part of the TTC process--we all are aware, unfortunately, of how often those numbers come back with bad news instead of good, and I know that I, personally, feel like going over to Q&P is going to be a move that I want to feel secure about. I do think that we all try very hard to support each other wherever we're at, which is the reason that I spend so much time here with you all. And I appreciate that we're able to have these conversations. But I guess I agree with the idea that this be a personal choice to share or not share on this board for as long as each of us is comfortable, while trying to take others' feelings into account. I'd also add that I like having the graduates continue on, although I do think that most of the specifics of being pregnant should be kept to Q&P. But I'd hate to see all of my friends disappear to the board that I'm not ready to be on if they want to stay here and be encouraging.

[MidwifeStephPDX]

Thanks Krista, for your sweet and honest post.

I'm still new here, and not quite sure how I feel about it all... I do like seeing people get pregnant-- especially if they're at the same place I'm at. It's like this little piece of encouragement when I can picture myself in those shoes. So, when I was on my first TTC cycle, I loved seeing people who got BFPs on the first try. Now that it's our third, I like to see people getting preg on their third! Lol. I think, though, and correct me if I'm wrong, that Krista wasn't saying she didn't want to hear about that, or didn't want to hear about early betas in that time that is so tenuous. My understanding was that the later updates were something she'd rather see on the Q & P board? It sounds like everyone is on the same page with that.

AFM, I'm in the OTHER tww, waiting to O. For some reason this moth feels like it's dragging along. Last month at this time I attended two births so I was quite busy and the time went by so quickly! I have had a bit of a break from births since then, so time is slowly ticking by. I do have some mamas due so I'm hoping they don't decide to give birth while I'm ovulating! I already had to do an insem at work last month because of ours and KD's schedule that day (and took the opportunity to do an ICI with a speculum because it was there!) and I really don't want to do an insem in the middle of a birth! Oh well, what can I do, right?

I also have to say I'm struggling with some jealousy this month... I think even though we've only been trying for a couple of months, I've wanted a baby for so long (and always been waiting for the right time, the right partner, etc) that it feels like a whole lot longer. And now that we're ready, I just want it to happen! I know y'all will relate to that.

Anyway! Sending you all good thoughts for BFPs, sticky beans, and rising betas! Let's all ditch this forum after May because we'll all be in Q & P!!

[CrystalPerez]

MidwifeSteph- Your story of insemming at work reminds me of when I was still working at Mountain Mikes Pizza (ast manager) and my kd could only meet with me around 10 the day I was to O so I told him the only way it would work was if he left me a sample in the bathroom and he text me back" OMG your probably serious too!" uhhh yeaah! LOL I sure was! I ended up going into work 2 hours early and going home to meet up with him though, I guess he wasnt comfortable with the whole restaurant bathroom thing. Glad I'm not the only one who is willing to insem while on the job! haha, gotta do what we gotta do!

Lisedea- I'm dying to know how the meeting went!

MaxK- Love your boldness! I hope it works out.

I have to say I agree with Krista, and I am glad she brought it up, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who agrees! It was the hardest when I was seeing updates of betas from people around my stage in pregnancy at like 500+ and I had just went to the hospital because I was spoting for a few days and my beta was 16. I felt so inadequate and envious. I'm getting better about it but I am sure once I get preg again I will not want to go straight to Q&P so I understand other people not going there right away either. I really do hope and want the best for everyone here but it is hard sometimes, some days I'm fine, other days the littlest thing can really hurt. But I dont want my feelings to change what someone ttc would want to post here, or helpful advice from ttc alumni.

afm, my bbt thermometer battery died after less than one month of use! So I missed 2 days temps but AF was still here so it shouldnt be too big of a problem... Right?

[seraf]

Max, what kind of adoption agencies are you interviewing with?  I'm really impressed at how head-on you're taking this.  Yes, the adoption forum is pretty slow these days.  They know a lot over there, so I would still post.  The amazing thing about adoption is you could be holding a baby so much faster than the rest of us.  I read a book about independent adoption where this woman started telling people they were looking to adopt and she was holding her son 6 days later.  The second time we met Ari's donor, we asked if he would like to donate.  I think we asked 8 guys before we got him?  We later found out that a friend was offended that he wasn't asked.  He later donated when my kids' other mom was TTC.

Midwife steph, I have always heard not to use a speculum for ICI because when you take it out, you lose some of the sperm.  I'm sure you got the perfect sperm anyway, but I'm passing on what I've heard.

Lise, good luck with the KD!

AFM, it's so differently nerve wracking going through the TWW as the partner.  I don't so badly to protect my Sara from heartbreak and I want so badly for her to be pregnant and I feel like there's nothing I can do.  I can't drink green tea for her, I can visualize... across town.  

[lisedea]

Max--that is fantastic news!! I really hope that donor works out...but it is also great that you have jumped so quickly into adoption. It is illegal for unmarried couples to adopt in Michigan...so we don't even think of it as an option...but would if it was possible.

Seraf--I think that my DP feels the same way. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday (it is at the end of the month) and I told her that I just wanted to be pregnant. She gave me such a sad look...it made me feel badly because I know she wishes she could do something to just make it happen....

Crystal--My thermometer is on is way out too...I have only used it for two months (or is it three?) and every morning I pray it works! I think I will have to get another one (maybe not as cheap of one...) for next cycle (I have order mine and have it shipped so buying one for this cycle isn't an option). I sometimes don't even start temping until after AF so I am sure you are fine with a new one at this point in your cycle.

Sara--When we first started, we used both frozen and fresh at the same time...when I got pregnant, I didn't know which it was but since the two donors were of different races, I knew that I would eventually find out. Now...I don't know how I feel about it because they would be the same race and it would be more difficult to tell. I think we are just going to play it by ear...go month by month and figure it depending on what our options are. How are you feeling??

Midwife--I have to second Seraf's advice on the speculum. We did the same thing the first time we insemmed--we noticed a lot came out with speculum and then I read about it later (maybe in Brill?). I am sure it isn't so much that it really matters...but when we insem, we make sure to get every last drop!

The meeting with the KD was pretty uneventful. He will not be around next week when we need him...so we are going to attempt IUI at home this month. Tips would be greatly appreciated from those of you that have done it. I am so nervous. I am unsure if DP is...she is in the medical field so that is a plus... If this cycle doesn't work, we will use him but have a few things set in place that will make the gf less involved. (Before, she would even go as far to deliver "the goods"--now DP will go pick up). If we get any weird vibes, during that cycle (almost like a trial) we will go back to using solely frozen again. I feel like a have a plan! Ha. This relationship with them is kinda weird because I am in a band with them...just the three of us. Yea...

[nosreves]

hi gals

kelly --   as they say here in France: FELICITATIONS on the BFP and the betas!!!   i'm so happy for you!  here's to sticky beans and January 2012!

carmen -- fingers crossed for a temp rise tomorrow.  maybe it's just the thermometer batteries being crotchety? (pun slightly intended)  speaking of which, do you temp orally or rectally?  our gyn gave us a little chart so we could start temping, and it said to do it rectally.... is that the norm?

cananny -- those are some promising symptoms!  i hope you and DP get that BFP this month!  the veggies are already waiting in the wings...

max --  you must be excited and nervous about the adoption agency meeting.  are there any issues at all with lesbians adopting?  also, bravo for having the courage to approach the cute guy.  i've done it more than once with guys i barely knew here.  DP thought i was a bit crazy, but the guys all seemed pretty flattered.  i hope he ultimately says yes.  if you do go through with adoption, AND you have a fresh donor, will you do both?

afm  i had a moment of heart stoppage this afternoon when i opened our mailbox and found a letter from the laboratory where they do my pap smears.  the last time i got a letter like that it was to tell me i had a problem (the one that resulted in the cervical surgery last summer), and i know my gyn would want me to get a hysterectomy if i had the same problem again.  it didn't help that there was a lot of medical language in French on the results page, but the one thing i did understand was "absence de cellules suspectes" (absence of suspect cells)... so apparently there's no terrorist activity (or cancerous growth) going on in my vagina. phew..... 

DP has an u/s tomorrow to see if the fibroids they found last year have grown.  the gyn told her two weeks ago that her uterus felt "large" and it could be because of he fibroids.  if they have grown, it doesn't bode well for babymaking, and it would mean that it's all up to me.  i'm hoping that won't be the case, though. 

we also got clean test results back from Donor #2, and we're meeting him next week.  hopefully this means we'll have two donors this time around.... or at least one who doesn't flake out at the last minute.   i also have a friend from my Peace Corps days visiting us with her gf, so the house is happily filled with gay girls of four different nationalities. 

sending good vibes and baby dust to all the gals in the TWW and a sincere "bon courage" to everyone here who is TTC!   let's make some 2012 gaybies!

[LibraryLady]

Hey ladies~ Just wanted to say hello to all and say that it's an interesting conversation you're having about the QP/QC crossover.  While I never felt AS jealous of the success stories here as I did in real life, it could sometimes still be difficult to see the negatives when it seemed like everyone else was getting a positive. And while pregnant, I was always careful of what I posted here (like never complaining about any unpleasant symptoms, etc).  But it's also true it took a while to feel secure enough to move to QP. I guess as long as we all remember we're here for the same reason and are hyper-conscious of everyone's feelings we can make it work out. Bravo Krista for being brave enough to bring the topic up. xoxo

Max~ You're SO BOLD just propositioning cute Asian men for their sperms!! Hope it works out for you for sure, but also excited to hear about adoption options. Odd that the board is so empty...

Nosreves~ I cracked up about your cervix being free of terrorist action. 

Luck and love to all~ I'd type more but it's hard with  a kid in one hand..

[carmen358]

No temp rise today again. I have no idea what to think. I have always O'd to the best of my knowledge and have always seen a very clear rise on my charts. This post partum body of mine is a whole new world! A friend told me that there is no way my temps are accurate with DD waking every hour most nights....I do agree but I think I want to agree so I can believe I am actually O'ing ;) I have read several experiences of women successfully temping while bf'ing. If AF doesn't start before what I'm calling 7dpo, I'll still go for the progesterone test and see if that shows anything. I'm not too worried about it....yet.

nosreves, I temp orally. I know a lot of women temp vaginally (I don't know of anyone that does it rectally) and get very accurate results. I don't think I'd be able to temp vaginally when I'm half asleep in the morning - it might be dangerous lol Good to hear your test results are fine!

ETA: More ewcm tonight?! wtf? Also, I bought a new bbt thermometer today and took my temp with both when I got home...identical readings. Bummer, can't blame it on the thermometer!

Edited by carmen358 - 5/5/11 at 9:05pm

[maxK]

Seraf- We are looking into http://www.adoptionhelp.org/ and http://www.adopthelp.com/ they both offer open adoptions with birthmothers. I am posting over there, and hoping the posts pick up a little bit. There does seem like a wealth of knowledge there.

Lisedea- I am sorry to hear Michigan has such archaic laws. When will this country get on board with being a progressive nation? Sorry also to hear your KD is not available. Have you thought of getting several KDs?

Nosreves- yes we would pursue both adoption and TTC at the same time. Ultimately two kids would be nice and we are open to either one happening first. Good luck with your donor scheduling, I’m ready for the gaybies to begin!

[KellySF]

Max, just wanted to chime in and say that it's so exciting that you're exploring these options.  DP and I went to a seminar by Adoption Connection in SF last fall as we want to adopt at some point. I was really impressed by the staff there.  So that might also be a place to look into.  FYI--one thing they were very clear about was an adoptive parent not TTC during the adoption process.  I don't know if other adoption agencies have similar policies, and I guess you could keep it under wraps, but I think their reasoning is valid:  they want the adoptive parent to be fully invested in the process and not drop out if they get pregnant.  Just FYI.

[smilingsara]

Lisedea: I say go for the two donors, the more the merrier! You'll tell who the donor is or just get a test to determine paternity if you felt necessary. I'm feeling good. Very calm. No symptoms that I'm noticing but I'm trying to not notice any! Every time I put in a new temp on feetility friend, my o day changes, so who knows when that actually happened. How are you feeling?!

Nos: glad to hear your cervix checked out!!

Kristia: how are you feeling?

Cananny: what's going on with your dp?

Carmen: how goes the temping?

Mami: what's up with you girls?!

Kelly: how's the new job?!

ISA: how are you doing?!

Afm: just waiting waiting waiting. Temp drop Wednesday morning and a rise yesterday morning but I'm not reading into it at all!

[lisedea]

Yesterday was a terrible day. We might put off trying this month.

Our 10-year-old golden (out of the blue) had congestive heart failure and we had to put him down yesterday afternoon. Ugg..it is just so horrible. Stupid little things just make me miss him so much. DP's heart is totally broken.

[seraf]

Lise, I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's so hard when it's out of the blue like that.

[Cananny]

AF showed her ugly face today.....we are.switching donors starting next cycle ..our current donor has a lower than we would like sperm mobility ...55%....we have been talking about the possibility of choosing a new donor ...we met with a great wtbk donor and are signing a contract once back from nyc... he has very high success rate and a 95% mobility and a crazy high count ...so hoping that switching things up a little , we will catch the egg!!



Lise I'm sooo sorry

[prettyisa]

Steph—it must be so hard being around pregnant people and birth and new babies all the time while TTC. I agree—let’s blow this popsicle stand ASAP!

Krystal—that’s hilarious! I don’t think I’d be able to do much of anything in a restaurant bathroom on demand. Also, I’m glad it’s not just me with the crappy batteries in the BBT thermometer. You can buy a new battery for it, but it’s not much cheaper than just replacing the whole thing.

Lise—I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Take all the time you need—it’s so hard to lose a friend suddenly like that.

NosReves—hurray for the clean bill of health! I can’t imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to get medical paperwork in another language. Lots of donors seems to be a good way to go!

Carmen, I can’t remember—are you using OPKs, too? Or just temps? I worry about my temp on the nights that I wake up a lot, so your friend might be right that you’re just not getting an accurate reading.

Max—I think doing both at once is a great way to go—I understand the thought about being totally invested, but honestly, plenty of straight couples who are adopting are also still having sex in the hopes that maybe they’ll get pregnant, so you wouldn’t be the only ones. My mother’s cousins adopted a little girl, got pregnant right before the adoption was finalized, and then received a call a few years later that the birthmother was having another child. So they went from no kids to three in under 3 years. I actually don’t think that’s terribly uncommon, so FX on all fronts for you!

Cananny—I’m sorry about AF. We were really glad that we switched for this cycle—it’s making us much more hopeful.

AFM—waiting, waiting. The endometrin makes me tired and cranky, which is no fun. I’ve also been kind of crampy and maybe just a little off my feed, but I’m also blaming that on the spooge pills. I’m still back and forth on being hopeful, but at least I feel like it’s coming down completely to luck this time—that nothing else is wrong or unexpected to get in the way of getting pregnant, it’s just a matter of whether we’re lucky or not. DP went to visit her mom for the weekend so I’ve got lots of bachelor plans (mostly involving cleaning, sewing, and craft fairs. Not much of a bachelor, am I?) We’re not going to test until NEXT Sunday, so for now I’m just trying to be calm and hopeful as best I can.