Put your hand up if you're being forced to hospital birth

[jeninejessica]

(and bitter about it)... I've been planning a homebirth for years. Since long before we were even TTC. All my friends and family, and heck half my coworkers, have all heard about how important a homebirth is to me. And now I am slowly losing all hope of that, and having a lot of trouble coming to terms with it. 

I know hospital birth can be a good thing, and it can still incorporate many elements of homebirth that I want, but it's not homebirth. And I'm angry about that. 

It's not even that I'm risking out, or DH isn't supportive, or that we can't afford it or anything. On thr contrary, it's fully funded by my province, DH is very supportive of the homebirth (and I'm finding him even moreso now that it's off the table, he's as angry as I am), and I am picture perfect health. Nope, I just can't have one because the midwife practices are all booked up. And I called the first day I tested, at 12dpo. Apparently that's too late. 

I know eventually with time, I'll be able to accept it, and start productively planning the ways to make my hospital birth the most homey and non-interventionist... but right now I just need to wallow. I can't reconcile all the pictures in my head of my babys birth with a hospital room. With having to leave and go someone else. With being in public. With having to travel home afterwards. With having to fight every step of the way to have things done my way and listen to my body. It just makes me so sad. 

Who's with me?

[elisheva]

Do you have any connections in your community who may be able to convince a MW to take you on? Can you phone some of the practices back and see if they've had any cancellations (i.e. due to miscarriage). I wouldn't give up so easily if it's that important to you. Can't hurt to try again. I do know that if I begged my MW to take on a friend when she's (the MW) already booked, she probably would. Maybe you have someone who can go to bat for you?

[jeninejessica]

I was told to continue calling all the practices back once a month or so, hoping for cancellations, but I know that's not a sure thing obviously. I'm basically hoping for someone elses misfortune. And I don't really know anything in the community well enough. I doulaed part time for a while back, but they were all hospital births with OB's, and I wasn't there long enough to really gain connections. The only doula I know who would recognize me by name doesn't really have any connections either. I'm so bummed. Basically it's a wait and see and keep bugging them situatuation. 

[Jaimee]

I agree with the pp... don't give up yet!  I would keep calling as well, maybe ask about a waiting list.  Are there no independent midwives in the area?  Have you tried posting in the Finding Your Tribe forum for additional ideas?  Do you have any local natural parenting based Yahoo, Google or Meetup Groups that you can join and ask for ideas?  Good luck!!

[clutterbug]

I hope something will open up for you - December is still a good ways away.  I hear you about hoping for someone else's misfortune, that is not a fun place to be.  There is always the chance more positions will be created in response to demand (I know, that's a tall order, but not totally impossible).

I am planning a home birth but I totally get where you are coming from...I'm in Nova Scotia and we have the same model of midwifery care (employee-based) as Manitoba, as far as I know.  Our local midwifery program is currently suspended and it's left a lot of women out in the cold.  I am seeing the midwives in the next health district...it will mean travelling there for the birth ( we are renting a cottage, it's only about 45 minutes from here) but at least we're in....not everyone has been so lucky as there's a big wait list now, so I feel pretty blessed.  Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there - if you;re willing to travel for appointments and the birth, can you access care in another community?

[HappyMonkey]

It took me until I was almost 2 months pregnant last time to get in with a midwife in Ontario... I had my name with 5 different practices within 2 hours of here hoping someone would take me (I was willing to drive and rent a place to have the baby if needed). The one I wanted (closest) took their time.. but eventually got back to me. So keep calling and make sure you are on their list. Let the person you talk to at each place know how important it is for you.. maybe you can get bumped up on the list.

There are always people that change their mind.. so spots do open up.

Good luck!!

Sheryl

[copper.kettle]

Ugh, that's a tough pill to swallow.  Something might open up, but if not you can have a positive hospital experience.  I think you have a good attitude about it, and I can understand needing to take the time to grieve your "ideal".  I had a really beautiful natural birth with my DS; it really is possible.

Hang in there, Dec is still a ways off :)

[jeninejessica]

bluepetals-- That's what I'm hoping. There's several postings for midwives-- the province is *trying* to fund them... they just can't find any to hire. There is definately the demand for it... I think at any given time, for Winnipeg alone there for around 3 full time postings.  Out of town is not an option, the closest midwife that practices to me is approx 2 hours away apparently, and she books up just as fast. The division my parents live in don't even have a midwife practice at all, which sucks too. 

I was told all four practices don't "do" wait lists, I suppose there's so much demand they probably can't keep up with them. So it's just a matter of calling and calling until a spot opens up. 

No underground midwives... I don't think they'd be able to make a living here with the way our health care system is. They would be absolutely eaten alive if ever discovered. And with our model, there's not really a lot of benefit for them to go that route anyways. Midwives practice independently in MB. 

I'm 9 weeks now, I called all four practices in our city the day I got my positive test, but they are all completely full for my "due month". So... just a waiting game. I'm trying to be proactive in the meantime and attempt to find a good OB, but it's hard. None of them sound as good as the midwives, and it's disheartening knowing that several of the 'good ones' are going to be too full as well. 

Copper.kettle  --- Thank you. I mean I know, if this is what I have to do, I can make the best of it, I can hire a fierce doula, and DH will be protective as anything in the hospital. But it's just still not jiving in my head yet. One day... 

[RoamingWidgeteer]

As everyone else has said - don't give up. But also don't work yourself up about having a hospital birth. I had a home birth all planned with great midwife support, and then my blood pressure skyrocketed when labour started. The midwife said, sorry, we're going to the hospital (fair enough - it was alarmingly high)

So I ended up in a hospital 2 hours and a ferry ride away without the midwife (she had 3 other clients due and couldn't come), but it really wasn't that bad :) The hospital's on-call midwife came, and was very competent. Drugs were offered once, and only nitrous oxide was recommended later when bp starting edging towards alarming again and since that worked no other drugs were necessary. Nobody batted an eye when I shed all my clothing because I felt way too warm.

When ds was born, we bonded, with him on my chest for an hour before they weighed & measured in the same room, and then dh held him while I showered. And we were discharged 6 hours later when my bp was closer to normal. I don't think circumcision was ever brought up at all.

[clutterbug]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica 

 Midwives practice independently in MB. 

Yup same as here...except in both our provinces, they are employed by the health authorities rather than in a practice that bills as a doctor's office would (like in Ontario, BC and I think Alberta). That's why there are job postings...they are trying to draw people into posted positions, as opposed to midwives moving into the area independently and starting up a practice.  There might be a few privately practicing midwives in Manitoba, I'm not sure, but here there are none - the insurance cost is too prohibitive to private practice with the very small number of midwives we have.  It will be interesting to see over the years how the growth of midwifery in provinces will be affected by employee-type models. Anyway, I am probably boring you - this is just an issue that we are hearing alot about here with the recent troubles that have been happening, and Manitoba is always put out there as the big success story of this model of midwifery funding...but obviously growth is an issue if there are always unfilled positions :(  We need more midwifery graduates!

As a PP said, take heart that a natural hospital birth can be a reality.  My first was born in hospital, and we were planning one for this baby as well before we got the spot with the midwives an hour away.  Both times we worked with supportive family physicians (if you can find a family doc who does births, it might be a good strategy in finding someone who shares your philosophy about birth), and for DS1's birth we had a doula.  The hospital (which is a tertiary care facility with something like a 95% epidural rate, and near 30% c-section rate) kind of saw us come as our little team with doula in tow and assigned us a nurse who used to be a midwife in Britain, and mostly left us to our own devices.  Our doctor made a real effort to do all her own call, so the doctor we saw the whole pregnancy was the one who caught baby, giving some of the contintuity that you get with midwifery care.  I truly think that coming in with a doula and an established labour and your own little groove already going can help them see you take your birth plans seriously.  Had we gone with planned hospital birth this time (or if we end up there for whatever reason), we had the green light from the doctor for discharge at 6 hours as long as everyone was a-ok.  I loved every part of my home birth with DS2, but the BEST part was actually the calm and peace in the hours after birth.  If you can get that early discharge, you still hang on to one of the biggest benefits of home birth, IMHO.

[jeninejessica]

No no, not boring at all. I agree, it seems like an absolutely perfect model... it's just that there's no training facility here, not really anyways, and so people have to move to BC or Ontario for training... and then nobody wants to move back, obviously. The province is trying, I think they just don't have enough to offer. Perhaps boosting salaries, but they don't seem like bad salaries to be to begin with. It sucks, because it's at a standstill. I can't blame the government at all, the demand is just too high for the number of people who want to work here. 

I'm trying to feel more positive about the hospital, and you're right, I told DH a few dyas ago that I will definately be pushing for an early discharge. I know a lot of women their favorite part about the hospital is having someone wait on them, but I have no desire to spend the night somewhere other than my own bed, eating someone elses food, etc etc. I want to be home. 

My family dr's assistant actually called me back today to follow up, since she's the one wh told me my first choice OB was booked. She wanted to know if I wanted to try a referral to one of the other female drs in that practice, because that way she still has the same 1/4 chance of being the one on call when I deliver. That sounds hopeful, so I'm going to go check out the reviews for the others in her practice. It would be nice not to have to fight your way through pregnancy. 

[matte]

I agree with the pps. Keep calling. It's not hoping for someone else's misfortune, a spot could open for any number of reasons. Someone could risk out, change her mind about homebirth, need to move for a better job, etc. Also, a midwife could have something change in her life that would allow her to take another client. I would just pick one day a week and call on that day, every week. Probably like Tuesday. Be super friendly, and don't let your frustration affect your interactions with the person you speak to there. If you are both nice and persistent I'm sure that they'll get you in as soon as they can.

[ali171]

I'm in a similar situation. No midwives in Halifax so I was waitlisted the district over only to be rejected as local women get preference. I surrendered to a hospital birth with a midwife minded doctor who was recommended by the midwives and found out today that she is part of a team of doctors and may not even be there for the birth. I of course asked who would be delivering my baby early in my pregnancy but I was lied to. I am very healthy and the baby appears to be as well but so far it has been a battle to keep the interventions to a minimum (and I have not given birth yet). The whole experience has been awful and I don't know what to do. I hate that I don't get a choice in my care at all. I've never been a fan of private health care but I would pay a lot to escape the hospital model right now or even have the option of going to another hospital. I hope you are able to find a midwife where you are. It sounds like you have at least a small chance of getting one still as people do change their minds sometimes which can open some spots up. 

[~~Sarah~~]

ah, Canadian midwifery...

Still a long way to go...

Have you ladies considered hiring traveling midwives? They are available!

[ali171]

I have never heard of a travelling midwife. How do you get a hold of one?

[~~Sarah~~]

PM me...

[SierraBella]

Not the same situation.. mine is purely financial. I want a homebirth SOOOO much, but I just cannot afford it :( So, I am forced to go to the hospital this time around.

[jeninejessica]

Yeah, I did another round of calling last week to see if any spaces had opened up, and I heard back right away from two of the practices (out of 4) saying no absolutely not, and don't call again, they'll call me if anything changes. Boo erms. We're switching OB's this week, and the new one is a total pushover, which I feel like we could use to our advantage. But she's also new (as in graduated recently), so I'm worried she's going to be too afraid to venture 'from the book'. 

le sigh. 

[RosieL]

JJ - How close are you to the next month? I.e. are you due April 30th? Can you call a new practice and see if they're available for May? ;)

[jeninejessica]

Unfortunately not. I am due on the cusp, but it didn't make a difference, because they go based on date range, not official month.