Night dryness. Laziness or not ready?

[CanBoo]

Ok dd1 is four. Was partly ec'd. Been reliably wearing undies for two years now but wears a pull-up to bed. Sometimes I think she's not ready for the next step, and then other times I think she is just lazy about it. Like when I catch her wide awake in her bed, complaining she cannot sleep, but I go in her room I find the stench of a wet sposie: she peed in her diaper, right there, wide awake! Because "she did not want to get up again".

I don't really want to humiliate her and having to find herself in soaked jammies repeteadly, because she is a sound sleeper, and she did pee in the car a few weeks ago when she fell asleep in her seat. I was surprised and she was too since either of us could remember the last accident. But then the awake pees make me wonder if it is just a old habit to be careless about it in bed.

I don't really want to wake her up to take her to the bathroom in the middle of the night. With the girls sharing a room, on a different floor than the only bathroom in the house, it would just crew up everyone's much needed sleep.

Wwyd?
Keep doing the pull-up in case she stops wetting miraculously on her own?
Bribes chart??? Yuk.
undies and towels for a while to see?

[LynnS6]

I'd try undies for a week. If she wets more than once, I'd go back to the nighttime protection and try again in a year. The ability to stay dry at night is largely biological. One of the signs that our son was ready to try going without them at night was his using them instead of stopping to go to the bathroom. (He was 7 1/2 though, not 4.)

[mizzoh]

this is a very timely thread for me - dh and i were just discussing this!  we are in a similar situation, except ds is 5.  i KNOW there are times ds pees in his pull-up just because he doesn't want to have to get up. i have told him numerous times that if he is awake i want him to get up and use the toilet, but usually "forgets".  at the same time, i'm not so sure he is ready to sleep in undies.  he has NEVER been dry in the morning ( often the pull-up is full, and sometimes so full it leaks).  we co-sleep, so i am not really thrilled with the idea of just putting him in undies and seeing what happens...but maybe that's what i gotta do? i am curious to hear what others have to say

[CanBoo]

Glad to know I am not alone. We are having a crappy week, so not quite ready yet, but will probably try next week or something like that. Hopefully all other things are in control then.

[DariusMom]

DS wasn't ready to be dry at night til he was 5. When he decided he didn't want pull ups anymore, he had maybe one accident and that was it. It was just a matter of him knowing himself. He was a very slow potty learner and didn't really reliably use the potty on his own til he was 4. Therefore, we decided the night potty training wasn't a battle we wanted to fight. And I'm glad we didn't because when he was ready it happened pretty much literally overnight.

[ecoteat]

DD will be 5 in 2 weeks and she woke up with a dry pull up the other day--for the first time EVER. There was great fanfare and celebration! We went through a specific effort a few months ago in trying to get her to not pee in her pull-up after she woke up in the morning. We talked about how there's nothing she can do to stop the pee that is sneaky and comes out while she is sound asleep, but she can control where she pees when she's awake. She tried for a couple days to rush to the bathroom first thing in the morning, but then we all realized she wasn't totally ready for that part either. So we are back to waiting. The dry morning we just had gives me hope, though! Just like everything else we've ever tried to push along, she'll do it when she's ready, not when we want her to.

[JudiAU]

It sounds like convenience to me, she knows she can pee in bed if she wants to. It doesn't sound like she is peeing during the night unconsciously. Most older toddler begin to hold their urine all night and then feel the urge to pee as they are waking up. They either go, or learn to hold it as they wake up, or get themselves out of bed to go. The only way you are going to figure it out is to try.

I'd probably switch to underpants at night, make sure that she pees directly before bed, and watch like a hawk that she goes straight to the potty when she wakes up. That, or I would switch to a cloth option that holds some pee and registers what happens.

[MAMom]

I agree that it is biological.  My DD had been going on the toilet during waking hours since 18 or 20 months, but has only been able to stay dry at night since she turned 5.  It was a looonnng wait!  And kind of frustrating, but clearly her body was not ready.  DS wasn't out of diapers until 3.5, but was dry through the night closer to 4 y.o.

Is she perhaps scared of getting out of bed alone in the dark to go to the bathroom by herself?  My DS is, and he's nearly 8.  I do think it helps to take them to the bathroom during the night, either right before you/DH go to bed if you go to bed on the later side, or when you wake in the middle of the night.  Even if they go, but still can't stay dry though the night, it gets their bodies used to waking up to go. 

[Parker'smommy]

I've had the opposite experience than most of the posters it seems. Both my kids potty learned at about 2 years old. They both did it easily and without fanfare. The sign that they were ready for potty learning was that they were waking up dry from naps and occasionally all night. I always changed their cloth diapers right when they woke up, so I knew if it was dry during the night, or if they just peed in it upon waking. Then, with both of them, they started staying consistently dry about 2 months after potty learning. We used cloth, so I don't know if that made a difference. They liked feeling dry, and were uncomfortable when wet. I ditched all diapers with both of them by 2 1/2 years old. 

[Alyantavid]

My boys were total opposites from each other when it came to staying dry at night.

My oldest was potty trained at 2 and wore diapers at night for about 2 months and would often pee in them.  One day we had a big talk about it and stopped putting them on him.  He always stayed dry all night, he's now 9 and has only wet the bed a handful of times ever.

My youngest was also potty trained at 2.  He wore diapers at night for 2 years before he was consistently dry.  We tried going without, we tried everything.  He just wasn't ready.  He's now been without a diaper at night for 6 or 7 months and is doing fine.

I'd try going without a diaper and see what happens.  If she really isn't ready, she isn't.

[PhillyMama]

I just had a conversation with the pediatrician about this exact topic a couple of weeks ago.

My dd is 5 and it is rare to have a dry night, and I was concerned that she should be out of nighttime pullups by now. 

The pediatrician said that since dd is a sound sleeper, her muscles may not be developed enough to alert her body that it's time to get up and pee, and to give her time to develop more.  The dr. said she usually sees sound sleepers out of nighttime pullups between 7 & 8 years old.

That made me feel better about it, and now I'm researching cloth nighttime undies so we don't have to go through so many pullups.

I'm just letting dd take the lead in this one :)

[mags.bubble]

My ds9 still wears the goodnites every night. He is a sounds sleeper. Even if he wets throught the pull up or tried to go without, he does not wake up. He could be soaked through sheets, comforter etc.... he still doesn't wake up until the morning. I am not worried. It isn't that uncommon. We don't make a big deal about it. Often, the signals from the brain kick in right around puberty in relation to the new hormone levels and the problem takes care of itself.

[meemee]

i didnt stay dry at night till my early teens. 

its was a combination of biological - my hormone had not developed that would wake me up if i felt the urge/or should i say feel the urge and sound sleeper. 

i remember no shame. nothing my parents doing.

do you do the go to the bathroom before bedtime routine?

i recall i used to do that esp. after dd had milk at dinner. that made her go more than just water. i'd try no liquids at least an hour or two before bedtime.

what i clearly remember is this. i thought i was on the potty and started going and then realised that i wasnt at the potty at all. i was dreaming that. i was in my bed and had just wet it. so i would wake myself up and then change my sheets myself. 

you have to also remember for whatever reason some children do prefer going in their diaper. like some 3, 4 year old boys who'd only poo in the diaper and not on the potty where they went pee. some would specifically ask for a diaper to poo on (my friends son did that). so that's why i wouldnt call your dd lazy (personally i am v. sensitive about using that word for children, though i get what you meant). if your dd is comfy in bed, i can see why she would not want to stir.

i'd keep her in pullups and let her take the lead. 

[Drummer's Wife]

It's so dependent on the child.  It's biological, for sure.  My oldest DD was dry day and night around her 2nd birthday; my 3rd child just now, at 6 years old, starting consistently staying dry throughout the night (or he wakes him self up to pee). 

Agreed w/trying undies out for a few nights (but be prepared to obviously have to change the sheets), then if it's a no-go keeping diapers/pull-ups on until they routinely are dry in the mornings. 

[JudiAU]

Originally Posted by Parker'smommy 

I've had the opposite experience than most of the posters it seems. Both my kids potty learned at about 2 years old. They both did it easily and without fanfare. The sign that they were ready for potty learning was that they were waking up dry from naps and occasionally all night. I always changed their cloth diapers right when they woke up, so I knew if it was dry during the night, or if they just peed in it upon waking. Then, with both of them, they started staying consistently dry about 2 months after potty learning. We used cloth, so I don't know if that made a difference. They liked feeling dry, and were uncomfortable when wet. I ditched all diapers with both of them by 2 1/2 years old. 

This is my experience as well. We started potty learning because of dryness at nap and waking up followed by rhr flood. Ds was in night time underpants before 3 and dd is often dry in the morning at 21m. I love if when she crawls on top of my head and shouts POTTY to wake me up.

But we start training earlier than many, use cloth diapers, and transition to underpants early. No pull ups.

[meemee]

PL happened at our house by accident. i was not even going to bring it up till dd was 2 1/2, 3 years old.

however at 18 months dd got a heat rash. we tried loose diapers but they leaked. so we just let her run around our hardwood floors naked. by 20 months we moved to underwear. this is the daughter of a mother who regularly wet her bed till seh was what 13/14. i didnt do it every night but once in a while specially in winter - yup i'd wet the bed. or if i was visiting my aunt and having an emotional talk - yup i'd wet their bed.

however i never ever experienced shame. never heard from a parent showing disgust or ways to stop it. i mean yeah they were worried and taking me to doctors. but i never overheard any conversation neither did i hear my parents making suggestions.

[treeoflife3]

I wasn't consistently and reliably night dry til I was 11.  There were many times where my mom would say something about my just being lazy.  By the time I was 11 though, the last thing I wanted was the embarrassing pull ups at sleep overs (including a school overnight trip in 6th grade.)

Now, I'd be lying if when I was much younger I didn't sometimes not bother jumping up in the morning though.  Those mornings, I would wake up dry but needing to go so badly that I felt, in my being still half asleep, that it was just easier to not fight it and consider it an accident night.  Had I slept 5 minutes longer, that would have been the case anyway more than likely.

Obviously that is different than peeing the bed before you've even fallen asleep, but it is possible that she is just too tired and too used to being wet in bed anyway that it feels easier to her young self to just not bother getting up.

I'm sure often it is an accident and she isn't ready physically yet to hold it til she can get up.  The times she just doesn't bother getting up could very well be related to how often it is genuinely an accident.

For me, it was easier to just wear pull ups til they were always dry.  I also took a medication each night before bed that was meant to help.  It was easier on me though to not have to change the entire bed when I'd wake up wet and just toss the pull up instead.  Kept me from feeling like my humiliation was being rubbed in my face.

[MomtoDandJ]

For us, as long as my son stayed dry during the day, I let him stay in pull ups at night as long as he wanted.  One thing I did, though, was I told him he needed to stay in his pullups during breakfast until we finished eating.  (We normally eat breakfast in our pajamas and then brush teeth and then get dressed.)  He HATED sitting at the table in a wet pullup so I think that got him to stop peeing on purpose in the pullup during the night, because he knew he'd have to stay in it for at least an hour the next morning.

Good luck, mamas!

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Originally Posted by Parker'smommy 

I've had the opposite experience than most of the posters it seems. Both my kids potty learned at about 2 years old. They both did it easily and without fanfare. The sign that they were ready for potty learning was that they were waking up dry from naps and occasionally all night. I always changed their cloth diapers right when they woke up, so I knew if it was dry during the night, or if they just peed in it upon waking. Then, with both of them, they started staying consistently dry about 2 months after potty learning. We used cloth, so I don't know if that made a difference. They liked feeling dry, and were uncomfortable when wet. I ditched all diapers with both of them by 2 1/2 years old. 

This is my experience as well. We started potty learning because of dryness at nap and waking up followed by rhr flood. Ds was in night time underpants before 3 and dd is often dry in the morning at 21m. I love if when she crawls on top of my head and shouts POTTY to wake me up.

But we start training earlier than many, use cloth diapers, and transition to underpants early. No pull ups.

Well, I started using some EC with my dd around 6 or 8 months, and have always used cloth diapers.  We had plenty of naked time, and didn't hesitate to switch to undies.  She was totally out of diapers, even for naps just after 2yo.  However, she is over 4 now and still wets heavily at night.  I just think she is a heavy sleeper and doesn't wake to pee.

If I get her up in the night to take her to the toilet, she often gets upset and rarely pees, so I stopped trying.  If she wakes in the night, I change her and have her pee on the toilet.  When she wants to try undies at night, we let her, but it has never been successful yet.

I really don't think this is a training or diapering issue -- although, those things can certainly have an effect.