Sorry, Sarah Lynne. :( I'd be crying in the shower too. I really like the book "Love and Respect" too. I hope you are able to communicate. My DH has a hard time winding down from a stressful day at work, and I know he carries worries and stresses that he doesn't like to burden me with. It's so hard when he snaps at me or shoots me down. I take it so personally, when really it had nothing to do with me. Anyway, I'm glad you feel safe venting here. I think it can be a relief to just get it out!
Smokering, I know what you mean. I did Bradley classes last time and totally didn't practice as much as I was supposed to or do a million Kegels a day as recommended. So when my home birth was a long, slow to progress, 42 hour labor with a transfer to the hospital (is anyone tired of me saying this yet? :P ) I internalized this and blamed myself. I was gung-ho to try Hypnobabies this time, but my midwife strongly discouraged me from doing something that I might rely on outside of myself to get through labor. I think Hypnobabies is a good thing. I think it could do a lot of good and be very helpful to a pregnant and laboring mom. I've read reviews saying, "It didn't work, but I'm still glad I used it because of how it helped me in the pregnancy" etc. But I just want to encourage you that YOU are not going to fail Hypnobabies or birthing or anything. You are a different person than you were when you gave birth before. Your body has muscle memory of labor and birth, you know how to mother and surrender to things outside of your control, you are more mature, more chill, more capable. Sure, things happen in birth. You could have something happen that is not what you want, but it won't be your fault. It will be circumstances working on circumstances, ESPECIALLY since you have done everything in your power to prepare physically and mentally to have a safe and effective birth. I think I'm talking to myself here too. :) We have a few weeks left to keep trying to do what we can to prepare, but once that labor starts, we are just riding the waves and going in whatever direction they take us. My hope is that I can surrender to them when the time comes and let my body work the way it knows how to. Anyway, I hope that little pep talk wasn't offensive at all. *I* need it too. And if Hypnobabies is awesome, come back and tell us. I might just try it next time no matter WHAT my midwife says!