Grieving over the loss of a child and mother

[smurffswife04]

I lost my 26 year old daughter to unknown causes on March 7, 2011. Not only did I lose a beautiful daughter but my 10 month old grand son and my 2 and a half year old grand daughter lost their loving Mama. My problem is that the little girl asks about her Mama and we have explained that she has gone to heaven and that she is in the sky. She is an "angel" now but Mama can see you and look over you. However, after going to a recent birthday party, one of my nieces that favors my deceased daughter pulled up and when my grand daughter saw her.....she ran towards her screaming "my Mommy's back". I was heart broken for her when she realized that she was not Mommy!. I am at a loss at to how to get her through this cause her death was sudden and unexplained. She passed in the middle of the night and the medical examiner ruled out suicide which we all knew was not an option for my daughter. She was a happy person, married and happy in her relationship and adored her two children. I am having problems dealing with the loss of my youngest child passing in such a manner and to have a mommy leave so sudden I know is devastating. How do I help her cope with Mommy being gone as well as help myself?

[Pepe]

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice apart from perhaps asking for book ideas at a bookstore, but I had to express my deepest sympathy to you for your loss.  I can feel how much you care about these grandchildren and I know you will find a way to help them understand and cope with this.  Best to you.

[marinak1977]

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

[dahlialia]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  That somehow seems so inadequate to say.

Would there be a possibility of talking to a grief counselor?  You might be able to find someone who specializes in grief processes in kids, who could give you some ideas on helping them.

[Dandelionkid]

So sorry 

[Sol_y_Paz]

I am sorry for your loss and their loss.  It isn't fair.  

Please seek out a grief counselor.   Oftentimes churches, some hospitals, or hospices will have them and they are free.  

[lookatreestar]

  im sorry for your terrible loss 

[DariusMom]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

You might want to post over in the Grief and Loss forum here on MDC. The posters there could have some more focused advice for you.

I'm sure your support and love are helping your grandchildren immeasurably.

[Lisa1970]

I am so sorry!!!!! (((hugs))))

[Katielady]

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. How devastating.

I agree that grief counseling is needed all around. A counselor can help you deal with your own grief, and also give advice on helping the grandkids. And there are counselors who specialize in working with very young kids- that could help your granddaughter too.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

[shnitzel]

I don`t know if this is helpful at all but I have a similar story to this one.

My mother died very suddenly when I was 3 and my sister had just turned 1. My father remarried a year later and my stepmom (who I call mommy) are very close. I grew up equally close to all 3 sides of my family. There are a lot of emotional complications losing a parent when you are so young which are often discounted because they are more subtle when you don`t really remember the parent but always feel the loss. 

[lovingmommyhood]

I am SO sorry. That's heartbreaking.