Is it possible to teach a toddler *NOT* to do something? - Page 2

[hildare]

Originally Posted by Just1More 

John Holt has an article about this idea.  I love the way he respects children.  He talks about going into a kitchen and seeing that a little child has gotten the milk carton and spilled milk all over the floor.  He starts right in on her with all the no, no, no's and the stay back while I clean it up and see what a mess you made....etc, etc....

The little girl is ignoring him, and that, on top of the mess is starting to drive him batty.  And then it hits him.

For the first time in her tiny life, this little girl has gone to get her own glass of milk.  And all he can do is blither about the mess.

He stopped, congratulated her, and then suggested they go get a towel to clean up.  And she engaged and listened (quite happily!) to him. 

I really do believe that the more we can really truly include them, the less "issues" we'll have.

yes!  THIS!  and i was about to suggest that the laundry thing.. for us, it stopped when i gave dd a job to do.  she folds the washcloths.  (and mama always puts them back into the basket unfolded so they're there for the next laundry session).  including dd in the job keeps her from making life hard.. she can unload the dishwasher (after i get knives out) and hand me plates.  she unloads groceries.  she will just go nuts to 'help' me do whatever but if left to her own devices, she's much more prone to strew things everywhere.  don't know about the remote, we have a cabinet for ours and it doesn't 'do' anything anyway b/c it's only a dvd player.  our dd did that with the phone though, and we just unplugged the battery and handed it to her. 

[creddy]

Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann 

In my house with my own kids and my daycare kids, this is what I do. For the trivial things, like pulling clothes out or all the books on the bookshelves, taking out the movies, etc...I give it a couple weeks to see if they get it out of their system. Sometimes the novelty of it wears off during that time all on its own. If it doesn't, then I will say, "Uh oh, clothes stay in the basket, if you want to dump, lets find a toy" and then we will find something that addresses the same skill in a more appropriate forum. Even filling up a cardboard box with rags would be a great way to offer him a place he can play and an activity you can immediately redirect him.

The things you are describing your DS doing are all great skills for his age and he is learning cause and effect with the things he is doing. Fill and dump and on and off are both developmentally appropriate actions. As caregivers, it is our job to provide them with opportunities to practice these things in a safe space. IMO threatening to get a toy that scares him is the same as a parent threatening to get the belt. It's using fear to "train him".

I don't think you will have any success simply telling him what he can't do. A toddler's brain doesn't work like that. You can definitely show him the things he CAN do using the same skills and everyone will win.

I haven't read all responses, but just wanted to pop in an say, "Wow!" to this response!!  

My son (25mths) was not verbal at all until just about 2 mths ago.  So since about 14-16mths  when he started understanding the meaning of No, but couldn't say it yet, I had to find some way to get him to 'NOT' do certain things that were off limits like hit, nip/bite, etc.  (Especially only for those cases, because I wanted my "No" to still hold weight as he gets older!)   I was a fan of redirection to other activities, but when it was any sort of aggression, I drew the line and felt I had to start using at least simple 2 word phrases like "No Bite," "No Kick," "No Throw" when throwing wasn't appropriate, and so on. 

But reading your post today, I realized I'm STILL using those phrases, even though he's recently started talking  That's so mindless of me I almost can't believe it.  I will definitely start giving him the outlet for these skills, and the words to name them as they occur!

I guess that's another lesson for ME: Just because he couldn't understand something yesterday, doesn't me he can't today!!  Address him at his level, BUT constantly re-assess where that level is!!!!  :-)

[les_oiseau]

Originally Posted by texmati 

This has been working really well for us-- I'm so proud that he now understand that you 'pat' little sister, that chalk can only go outside, that we say 'sshhh' quietly when sister is sleeping.

This sounds like he's doing great to me! Honestly in teaching them not to do something my guess is that they know it when you say it but their attention span is too short to remember so they keep doing it. 

At that age I would probably just move the laundry and if you can baby gate the tv, do that. But it would probably be good for your sanity to expect to have to redirect him about a hundred million times until he's 3 or 4, maybe even older. My 2 yo is constantly needing me to redirect her. My 4 yo now can remember things he is not supposed to do although I have noticed my nephew, who is also 4, has a shorter attention span and needs to be told things more often.

[marinak1977]

Originally Posted by hildare 

yes!  THIS!  and i was about to suggest that the laundry thing.. for us, it stopped when i gave dd a job to do.  she folds the washcloths.  (and mama always puts them back into the basket unfolded so they're there for the next laundry session).  including dd in the job keeps her from making life hard.. she can unload the dishwasher (after i get knives out) and hand me plates.  she unloads groceries.  she will just go nuts to 'help' me do whatever but if left to her own devices, she's much more prone to strew things everywhere.  don't know about the remote, we have a cabinet for ours and it doesn't 'do' anything anyway b/c it's only a dvd player.  our dd did that with the phone though, and we just unplugged the battery and handed it to her. 

DS - 16 months loves to help unload the dishwasher, and I ask him to help with laundry baskets. I also model putting things back (over and over) and try to "do it together". I find that if he's included in the task he's less likely to make a giant mess elsewhere. It takes more time to do everything of course.

[nd_deadhead]

Toddlers have a hard time grasping the concept of "Don't" - all they hear are the words which come after the "don't". I have a great story about my 2.5-yr-old son and "don't eat the worm"...

We got a guard like this for the TV when our twins were toddlers, and it worked like a charm:

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keywords=TV%20Guard&rh=n%3A165796011%2Ck%3ATV%20Guard&page=1 

Lots of folks have already given suggestions about teaching what to do instead of what not to do. That worked really well for us too. When the boys would reach for something that was off-limits, instead of "don't touch" I'd say "That's just to look at", or "Clap your hands" or "Put your hands on your head" or "spin in a circle" - anything at all to occupy the little fingers that were about to go into the electrical outlet or the dog's butt. It doesn't work every time - you still have to toddler-proof, distract, and remove, but it works a lot more often than "don't touch".