Bitter Sushi Ladies, May 2011

[monkeyscience]

 Welcome to the May Thread 

This is a thread for those who have been TTC for a long time, whether 6 months, 12 months, or more. At this point many of us are at or past 1 or 2 years, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well, all things considered we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care. And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw like sushi. Too many cycles of BFN and CD1 sushi & sake to console ourselves. This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many...but we just can't seem to get it right. So this is where we can be together, share and express anything.

Current Bitter Sushi Ladies

abstract

33, and DH (36), TTC (his #2, my #1) off-and-on since November 2006

AGreenMum10

Trying since Nov 2009 , 1 ectopic - down a tube (may 2010), 2 Losses (Aug 2010 & Jan 2011)

amo4piano

TTC #1 since Jan 2010, one m/c at 10.5 weeks

Attached2Elijah

Hoping for #3 for 4 years and 3 months with 6 months hard TTC (charting, etc) after previous unexplained secondary infertility.

blueyezz4

TTC #1 (technically #4-long story) since 2006; Moving on to our first FET after 5 failed IUI's and 1 IVF

collieflower

TTC #2 for 2 years, with 4 m/c (and another before DC#1)

enigo

Has one beautiful son, trying to conceive after three losses

InWaiting

TTC #1 since 04/2009 with one ectopic (11/09), one missed miscarriage (11/10),

Hypothyroidism and compound heterozygous MTHFR mutation. Current regimen is 5 mg of Femara on CD 3-7.

indianagrl

36, TTC for a little over two years onto IUI and clomid

jenger

Mama to DD (4/07) TTC #2 since August 2009.

jennabella

TTC #2 since July 2009, with a loss in February 2010 and a loss in July 2010

kinza

TTC #1 since November 2008, with PCOS and Male Factor

kparker

TTC #1 since 9/08 with male factor, IUI #3 with donor sperm April 2011

Kyamo

TTC#1 since Jan 2010 with PCOS 

laggie

TTC #1 since Fall 2009 with male factor issues

lilmom

35, ttc #2 for a year and a half with pcos and rarely ovulating

littlest birds

TTC for 16+ months after VR

luminesce

TTC #2 since 4/2010 after 3 years of unexplained infertility with #1

Milk8shake

Jayde (27) - TTC #1 since 4/09. Battling endo, uterine abnormality and recurrent pregnancy loss. Hoping for a take-home baby in 2012.

monkeyscience

27, TTC #1 with PCOS since 6/10. One failed Femara cycle... going natural until there's more cash

Objet_Trouve

TTC #1 since Jan 2010 with PCOS 

rcr

TTC #2 since 12/2007, one loss in September 2010, one failed IVF in February 2011

SimplyRochelle

TTC #1 on and off since 5/2007, m/c at 12 weeks 9/08.

Smilesarefree

36 year old mom of one wonderful dd trying for another since April 2010

ZanneMom

TTC#2 for more than 12 months

 In our thoughts, on hold, and/or waiting 

silverbird

ttc #1 since June 2010, after a two year delay for illness.  Husband passed away 5/25/11

mi_dawn

lost baby William (born still 4/09) and two m/c in 09.

 BSL BFPs!!! Stick little babies, stick, stick, stick... 

MommyMatsumoto - due 1/2012

sweetest77 - due 1/27/2012

Emaya - due 1/2012

Sweet.Bee - due 1/15/2012

lavatea - due 12/2011 

miriam bat avraham - due 11/28/2011  

Rachel88 - due 11/20/2011 

MahnaMahna - due 11/2011 

Jane - due 10/3/2011

grahnola mum - due 10/3/2011 

borobaby - due 9/12/2011 

justthinkn - due 9/2/2011 

Tear78 - due 8/4/2011 

Maurine - due 8/2/2011 

CLH_X3 - due 7/13/11 

slylives - due 6/2011 

 Waiting on an update... 

babygrey - due 4/2011 with twins! 

grapesbunch - due 1/13/11 

rachwms - Due 11/10 

 BSL BABIES 

kalamos23 - baby boy 4/28/11

xtara2003x - Emerson Rae 4/27/11

jenniferadurham - Ryan born 3/28/11!

Nanette56 - Tristan and Cael born 3/18/11!

finnegansmom - Henry born 2/11!

jessica_s - Asher Kingston 1/20/11 

QBear'sMama - Jack Everett 12/17/10!

BarefootGirl - DS 11/20/10!

kellyttc#1 - Hilary & Charlotte 11/11/10!

YummyYumYumMama - Kieran 10/27/10!

lyndzies - Cadence James 10/15/10!

Carlyle - Maggie 10/9/10!

aidanraynesmom - Sloan Phoenix 9/10!

MaerynPearl - Maeryn Jean 9/27/10!

colorbywords - Emery Oaklynn 8/03/10!

LZP - Anna Veronica 7/18/10!

Pinoikoi - Ursula Marisol 6/23/10!

Lisko15 - Caleb Benjamin 6/24/10!

LINK to our graduates thread - Spring 2011 Edition!

Please let the threadkeeper (monkeyscience) know if your info needs to be updated.

New ladies are always welcome, but please join with care.

Please put all notes for changes or additions to this post in bold! Thank you!!

Edited by monkeyscience - 5/29/11 at 6:02pm

[monkeyscience]

Please let me know if you want any of your info updated. :)

Also, should I clean out anyone who hasn't posted here in awhile? If so, what should the definition of "awhile" be? I'm thinking six months, but please let me know what you think!

Clean-out of those who have not posted from November on is complete. If I deleted you mistakenly, or you want back on the list, please post or PM me and let me know! I'm happy to add you back!!

Edited by monkeyscience - 5/2/11 at 8:27pm

[monkeyscience]

Also we had two BSLs, Kalamos23 and xtara2003x, give birth in the last few days... clearly we need some BFPs to keep our roster balanced!

[Kyamo]

Thanks for the new thread, monkeyscience.  I hope you get some threadkeepers luck.  I was planning on making a new thread, but it totally slipped my mind that today was the first of May.  

6 months is fine with me.   

Also we had two BSLs, Kalamos23 and xtara2003x, give birth in the last few days... clearly we need some BFPs to keep our roster balanced!

Agree with you!

Also, babygrey had her twins in late March, I just hadn't moved her yet because as far as I could see, she hasn't posted the exact date anywhere.   '

AFM - As per US today, no cysts, so I'm good to go for the 2nd try on letrozole.  

[monkeyscience]

Kyamo - Okay, two votes for 6 months, then. Poking around, I could see babygrey had her twins sometime, but I couldn't find an update, either. Maybe I should PM her? The other two "lost sheep" look like the haven't posted at all on Mothering in quite awhile, so I'm not sure if PMing them would help.

Good luck with your second cycle... hopefully this is the magic one!

AFM, I think I'm going to go nuts in this TWW. It just seems like foreeeeeever until I'll know if anything happened. I wanted to know by Mothers' Day, but I think, at best, all I've got is a shot at a very ambiguous HPT by that point. I POAS yesterday morning, and got a strong positive, so I know the hCG is still in my system. I'm going to check again tomorrow. At least now I know what a +HPT looks like for real, not just from pictures.

[miriam_bat_avraham]

Thanks for the new thread, monkey! 

Kyamo-- I'm with you. I can't believe it's May 1st already. Did it sneak up on everyone like that? Wow.

There are a decent number of recent BFPs, including mine-- four of us in November and December! Next up, January! I'm rooting for all of you!    

[rcr]

subbing. Had my iui this morning. BD tonight and tomorrow night. Anybody else have painful sex after iui/ injectibles? Ouch. It was barely tolerable.

Yes, I vote for six months. I was going to clean up the front page last time I was threadkeeper but I forgot.

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 

Oh Milk8shake.... I am so sorry to even think of that.... I so hope that you will be able to have a baby soon. Of course I hope for that for all of us... but still I just really hope for you.

:) Good luck!

I am once again starting to think that the only way we would be able to adopt would be by finding a birth mom with the help of friends or relatives. What are the chances of that? Small! And, yet, I am a big believer in miracles. How much easier waiting would be, though, if we had hope... I just don't know whether to hope against the odds or to try to let go of all hope. (Sad smile.)

Thanks :) I know what you mean about the adoption stuff - needle in a haystack, right?  It's kind of like the chance of me finding a surrogate here.  (Only altruistic surrogacy is legal here).

Originally Posted by objet_trouve 

AFM: I don't know what's going on with me. I've not been posting here because I've been sleeping, dizzy and nauseous. I had metal mouth, drooling, food cravings, abdominal cramps, gas, weird dreams, sore lower back, severe moodiness, bizarre food cravings, increased appetite and thirst, increased sense of smell... and all of those symptoms are pretty much gone now, except dizziness, fatigue, moodiness and gas. FF says I should test on the fifth, I tested early (yesterday and the day before) and they came up negative, tested twice yesterday because I thought I got evap lines on the first one. I'm still a little hopeful, but it seems up for debate as to whether I should be.
 

That's a great list of symptoms! Good luck
 

Originally Posted by monkeyscience 

Also we had two BSLs, Kalamos23 and xtara2003x, give birth in the last few days... clearly we need some BFPs to keep our roster balanced!

Seriously? Kalamos...?  Seems like that went waaaayyyy quick.  Great news.
 

Originally Posted by rcr 

Yes, I vote for six months. I was going to clean up the front page last time I was threadkeeper but I forgot.

I reckon six months is more than generous. 
 

AFM: I have these days where I feel so together, and then the days when I'm totally not. 

I know this is a really touchy topic - and I don't wanna start a big ruckus - but am I the only one that struggles with the termination issue? 

I was watching 16 and pregnant last night, and they had this episode about it, and it made me soooooo mad.  I know I probably shouldn't have watched it, but still.  I really struggle with the people in my life who have gone down that path.  Particularly those who have gone on to have living children.  It makes me sick to my stomach.  So, today I am staying home while DP heads to a family "friend's" place to do some wiring.  I've done everything in my power to avoid this girl for more than 12 months now.  Am I ever going to get past this?

ETA: Could you update my bio please MonkeyScience? I need to scrap the part about hoping for a 2011 baby.  Clearly it's not going to happen

Edited by Milk8shake - 5/1/11 at 11:42pm

[lilmom]

Thanks for the new thread Monkey! I hope you get great threadkeeper's luck!

Objet fingers crossed for you! Good luck filming the play for your sister as well. Did you say that was today? I hope it wasn't too emotionally triggering for you.

Milk8shake - You are not the only one who has a realllllly hard time with the termination issue. It makes me physically ill. I just can't handle it. I actually had a roommate once who did it, and I literally had to move out, and that was long before I was even married or trying for a baby. But now, I think I feel even stronger about it, if that's possible. There are so many people out there who want babies..***Deep Sigh***  Anyway, you're not alone. I probably would have stayed home too, rather than go to that friend's house. I don't know if I could ever get past it with that person. I know I never got past it with my old roommate. She made tacky jokes about it, and I just don't feel like that is ever a joking matter. Ever. Ugh.

[Sweet.Bee]

monkey, how many DPO are you? I'm at 8DPO, and feeling pretty anxious.

Some of what's keeping my mind off the wait is the huge annoyance we're having with our new apartment. It was presented to us as a "garden apartment" where we would have an area outside just for us with a fence so our son can play there and we can have a little privacy, too. This is a new build, and they just put in the grass this weekend. Well, now the landlord is refusing to give us the area because then other people cannot use it, which is just ridiculous. The reason we picked the place was for the garden that we are now not getting. They are liars and it just makes me want to cry. So now we are paying a fortune (no one who is not a millionaire can afford a house here, and renting just an apartment is even expensive ) for a garden apartment without garden where people will soon be running through. I want to scream!

Anyway. . . Good luck everyone in May! Let's all get pregnant.

[Kyamo]

Originally Posted by lilmom 

 She made tacky jokes about it, and I just don't feel like that is ever a joking matter. Ever. Ugh.

Seriously?  Whatever someone's feelings on the topic, I can't believe anyone would ever feel that was an appropriate thing to joke about.  Then again, there are people making horrible jokes about rape and suicide, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  I HATE how "I raped him" is a common and accepted phrase meaning "I defeated him by a large margin" in gaming.  I hear it all the time and it makes me really angry.    

SweetBee - I'm sorry about the garden.  Is the problem that you get to use the garden but you have to share it with your neighbours?  Or do you not get to use it at all?  I don't suppose you got the garden promise in writing?

rcr and monkey, fingers crossed for your TWW!

[Sweet.Bee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyamo    

SweetBee - I'm sorry about the garden.  Is the problem that you get to use the garden but you have to share it with your neighbours?  Or do you not get to use it at all?  I don't suppose you got the garden promise in writing?

We will have to share it with everyone. I understand that often is the case in apartment buildings, but here the apartment was presented to us as the garden apartment and we were promised a fence. And the price we're paying is not justified if we don't have a private garden. It is only a small part of the entire area that we were supposed to get, so there still would have been a lot of common outdoor space for other people. So, either they lied to us, or they changed their mind without telling us. Both not ok. The new thing is they will give us a 2 meter strip of garden, but that's worthless; it would only block us off from most of the garden so we couldn't even use that.

I'm so upset, but my husband doesn't think we can do anything because that's how people are here. Last time he contacted the organization that's supposedly for tenants' rights, they essentially told him "the landlord is always right". I just want to leave. After a few years here, I've come to think we're not compatible with Switzerland, esp. the attitude toward foreigners, which we are here. But a transfer would have to open up at my husband's company before we could move. It could be awhile. 

[rcr]

Sorry Sweetbee I know how it feels to live in a place that you don't feel compatible with.

[objet_trouve]

lilmom- Yeah, their new church isn't as extreme as the one we used to be with, but it all still bothered me. I'm glad they're not in something super extreme now. The play brought up annoying memories, but my husband held my hand and I got through it without screaming or anything. I was actually fairly polite all things considered. It bothered me a lot when one of my mom's friends told us "don't be a stranger...I mean it, don't be a stranger", I actually almost lost it at her, as I have no intention of being anything but a stranger to that church, and was only there because I love my siblings and wanted to hear them sing and do sign language and whatnot. I'm sure she meant no harm, but I don't like being pushed to attend a church regularly like that, any church, especially when I'm perfectly happy in my own. I guess I just really wasn't in any kind of mood to deal with people, I was horribly sunburned, nauseous, irritable and fatigued, and on high alert because I felt like I was in hostile territory.

I think what really did me in though was fear of what the kids are going to think of me now. They were a little too excited about my husband and I coming to their church, and it made me fear that they're going to get it into their heads that we're going to convert. One of them came up to us and started questioning us "Don't you think that was so sad??", "Don't you think that was so moving?" So now I'm worried that she's associating the atheist in the play (drug addicted, neglects her kid, "smokes, drinks, and curses" around her kid, only needs a pastor to hand her child a burrito and talk to her for five minutes to convince her to convert) with my husband and myself, the only non-christians she knows. And I can't really talk to them about it, because they aren't supposed to trust me anyway because I'm not of their religion, and my parents don't seem to want me talking about it with them. And they've sure done a bang up job talking to them about it themselves (I actually had one sibling accuse me a while back of being pro-bestiality...in response to me saying President Obama is not that bad a guy). It doesn't feel very good to know someone has such a very low opinion of you and you can't do anything about it. I got through the rest of the day, had lunch with them, ignored my father talking very loudly right next to me about some neighbor of his having a bumper sticker for a local liberal politician (that I voted for and actually kind of like) as if it was so disgusting and mind-numbingly stupid, then I went home, smoked a whole pack of cigarettes and cried for a while.

I can't begin to say how glad I am that it's over. Now I can put my nicotine patch back on and lock myself in my closet with my altar for some badly needed meditation. I'm tough, I've learned how to bounce back, and I should be fine after a couple days of resting from it.

ANYWAY...I took a test this morning, and I swear I see a line, and my husband sees it too, but only when you look at it in just the right angle. I took a picture, but again, I only see it in a certain angle. I'm not trusting it yet. It could be a fluke or my imagination. but it's definitely got me feeling anxious. Now would be a pretty cool time for a positive.

[Kinza]

Hi, everyone.

Fingers crossed for you, O_T!

[objet_trouve]

Thanks Kinza!

I'm confused. I took a second test, and there was a real clear line after about five or six minutes (the website on the wrapper said read after five minutes). http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z203/lofnmusic/DSC00870.jpg

But then after I took that picture, about 30 seconds to a minute later, the line was completely gone (except I still think I see something real faint, but I'm really really unsure).
http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z203/lofnmusic/DSC00872.jpg

I'm pissed and have no clue what to think about this. I can't say I'd ever really heard of a line disappearing after a minute. I was all excited, now I'm completely bewildered. Don't think I'll be using these strips again.

[monkeyscience]

Originally Posted by lilmom 
Milk8shake - You are not the only one who has a realllllly hard time with the termination issue. ... I know I never got past it with my old roommate. She made tacky jokes about it, and I just don't feel like that is ever a joking matter. Ever. Ugh.

Yeah, you're definitely not alone with that. While there are situations where I can understand it, it still gets to me. I don't get joking about it at all, ever. Honestly, I have a really hard time with people who go through fertility treatments and then terminate because it's multiples, or because the baby is Downs or something. I really struggle with the "I want a baby, but not this baby." I think it's different if it's a lethal condition, but... well, I guess I shouldn't get any further into this here. Just put me in the "really hard time" camp.

Originally Posted by Sweet.Bee 

monkey, how many DPO are you? I'm at 8DPO, and feeling pretty anxious.

Well, that depends a lot on how you count DPO. It's dumb I've never thought about this, but when people count DPO, are they counting the first day of raised temperature as day 1, or is it the day after that? And since I did the hCG trigger, someone on another thread (I think... maybe it was one of you) said I should count O day as 36 hours post-trigger. So depending on all of that... I'm somewhere between 4 and 6 DPO. Still testing positive due to the hCG, and going absolutely nuts trying to wait until it would actually be humanly possible to know if I'm pregnant. Like, ya know, the embryo's actually had time to implant. :P Luckily, I haven't really had anything I'd consider "symptoms" to make me even crazier.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyamo 
I HATE how "I raped him" is a common and accepted phrase meaning "I defeated him by a large margin" in gaming.  I hear it all the time and it makes me really angry.   

Yeah, I feel the same way. Or people talking about how an final exam "raped" them. Knowing people who have been severely traumatized by rape, I really, REALLY hate hearing that word thrown around like it means nothing.

Objet - I totally see the line in the first one... that is not your imagination! I'm sorry it disappeared. :( How many DPO are you now? Also, I dug my HPTs out of the trash today, just to see if they still registered, and they both look the same to me. (One's from Saturday morning, one from this morning.) I got them from Amazon (they're here), so you might consider those if you want a new brand. They're only about a dollar a test, which is cheap for ones you can directly pee on (a big plus in my book!). Hopefully you won't need any more HPTs for the next 9 months, though!

Milk8shake - I changed your blurb to say hoping for a take home baby in 2012. If you'd prefer I just delete that part, let me know!

Also, thanks to everyone wishing me luck.

[Smilesarefree]

Monkey - thanks for the new thread, I agree 6 months sounds good.  And fingers crossed for you!

Sweetbee - That really sucks about the garden, I'd be pissed and disappointed.

OT - You going to test again soon or wait a few days?

I am now on cd 100+, I gave up counting.  I got my letter in the mail today with my blood work apt and it's not until the middle of June, I was like whaaaat?  Are you kidding me?!!! 

Question, I've started having a small pain in one of my ovaries, it's different than o pain, I'm wondering if I might have a cyst that is stopping my period?  I feel like I read once that that can happen, anyone had experience with something like that before?

[monkeyscience]

Smiles - Thanks. :) As far as cysts... I know TCOYF talks about Luteinizing Unruptured Follicle syndrome, where you have a follicle that never releases an egg, but I think with that you get the temp shift, which you're obviously missing. Sorry I don't have any more helpful thoughts. :(

[objet_trouve]

I can't decide when to test again yet. I'm 16DPO right now, fertilityfriend wants me to wait till 18 DPO, but I'm so anxious and impatient about this, I really want to test tomorrow morning during the first urine. What I might do is use up the last two of these weird strips I was given with my new ferning microscope (which with any luck will be a complete waste of my mother's money lol) tomorrow, and then wait until 18dpo to take a better HPT. Or if I get really solid positives tomorrow, perhaps I can see about getting a blood test done at the doctor's office at 18dpo. Here's hoping!