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Bitter Sushi Ladies, May 2011 - Page 8

post #141 of 258

Milk8shake, I'm sorry.

kparker, that is ONE CUTE kitty!

 

post #142 of 258

Oh, Milk8shake, I'm sorry. That's just not fair. Why do companies make tests that lie to us? Grrr. I'm still holding out hope for you that your first was the real deal and the next was an aberration.

post #143 of 258

hug2.gifMilkshake - Sorry

 

Kparker - Woa, that is one cute little kitten.

 

Testing tomorrow am, but I am afraid AF will show up before then. I almost don't want to test, because it is a 45 minute drive away, and I can feel AF arriving any minute.

post #144 of 258

Milk8shake, sorry :(

 

rcr, holding out hope for you.

 

 

post #145 of 258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinza View Post

Milk8shake, sorry :(

 

rcr, holding out hope for you.

 

 



Me too, rcr.

 

post #146 of 258
Some randomness happening here. The test with a line was odd. I've never had that on a FRER before.
I tested again, just to be sure, and it was negative.
So I was a bit disappointed, but ok.

Then, last night I had the tiniest amount of spotting.
I NEVER have spotting. I knew AF was a good 4-5 days away, so I'm wondering, did I O late, and could this be implantation???
Counting back on the calendar, yeah it might be.

This morning, no spotting. This arvo, more spotting and bad cramps.
No idea what's happening. If it's AF, it's crazy because the shortest cycle I've ever had would 28 days.
Normally 29-30. This would be 25! Also, even with normal AF, I usually get some cramps about an hour before, and the 3 ish days of normal flow.
I never have spotting, or a light flow. She's either here or she's not.

Anyone have any ideas?
post #147 of 258

Wow, Milkshake. I don't know. I never get spotting either. never. Like you, wither AF is here or she isn't. I don't know what I would think about the spotting, and the slight line. Wish I had an answer for you.

 

Thanks for the well wishes everybody. My blood draw was this morning, and they usually call back after 2:00. I can feel AF coming on any minute. The last IUI I knew was negative before I got the call back because I started AF a few hours after they drew the blood. I am holding out hope that I am wrong, but the cramps are hard to ignore.

post #148 of 258

Milk8shake, that is CONFUSING. I wish I could say something besides that. It does sound like a hopeful turn of events, but of course, no one who has been trying this long wants to ride that hope just to be bashed again.If you don't dare hope, there are plenty folks hoping for you here, including me.

rcr, I'm sure you should trust your own feelings about it. But to add my two cents, I also felt like I was going to get my period at any minute (even dreamed it), and still feel like that today, four days after my positive test. And you've been saying you're about to get your period any minute for like two days now :) Please post when you get your call. Of course, only if you feel for it.

post #149 of 258

Thanks for the good wishes, everybody. It was a BFN. I am going to drink a bottle of wine tonight ;)

post #150 of 258
Thread Starter 

Milkshake - Ugh. That is confusing! Have you tested again since then? Any chance it's an ectopic pregnancy? Would you even be able to tell that this early, I wonder?

 

rcr - hug.gif I was really hoping if it couldn't be my cycle this time, maybe it was yours. :(

post #151 of 258
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

 

rcr - hug.gif I was really hoping if it couldn't be my cycle this time, maybe it was yours. :(

 

That is really sweet. Thanks.
 

 

post #152 of 258

RCR - hug2.gif  I've been hoping for you.

 

Milk8shake - Sorry, that initial excitment that turns into nothing sucks, I've been there.

 

AFM - Funny thing, when I missed three af's in a row I wasn't really upset or disappointed about not getting pregnant, my panic about ttc went away, I didn't even realize it until af came back. CDay 1 I was just happy that she showed up but by day 2 my panic and pain and desperation over getting pregnant came back.  I'm CD11 now and it's time to start trying and I just feel so horrible. I'm normally a very hopeful person but ttc with negative results is really starting to drag me down, I am feeling that it's just not going to happen and I want to scream at the world.  I try to keep my chin up but it just get harder and harder.

 

 

post #153 of 258

rcr- SO sorry! I was hoping for you too.

 

Milkshake- I have no clue! Very confusing. I hope somehow this turns into something good!!!

 

Smiles-I am so sorry. I hate those times when I am so down about it I just want to scream at the world. Been there. Alot. Right now I want to scream WHY can't I have normal length cycles so that at least I have more chances?!?! Anyway, I am so sorry you are so down right now. Maybe this cycle it will actually happen though. Gotta have some hope, somehow. Wish I could say something that would help.

post #154 of 258
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

Milkshake - Ugh. That is confusing! Have you tested again since then? Any chance it's an ectopic pregnancy? Would you even be able to tell that this early, I wonder?


It would be way too early... I am really, really hoping for you, Milk8shake!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smilesarefree View Post

AFM - Funny thing, when I missed three af's in a row I wasn't really upset or disappointed about not getting pregnant, my panic about ttc went away, I didn't even realize it until af came back. CDay 1 I was just happy that she showed up but by day 2 my panic and pain and desperation over getting pregnant came back.  I'm CD11 now and it's time to start trying and I just feel so horrible. I'm normally a very hopeful person but ttc with negative results is really starting to drag me down, I am feeling that it's just not going to happen and I want to scream at the world.  I try to keep my chin up but it just get harder and harder.


 

Oh, Smiles... I know what you mean... Hang in the there.. what else can one do? This is the first cycle for years that I don't know if I have ovulated yet or not. I actually like it this way, in a sense. Much more peaceful. Yet, I doubt there is any way for us to conceive without perfect timing, so I do need to know where I am in the cycle, normally. Only 5 weeks or so until our initial appointment at the hospital. I am just too tired after all these years and, on the other hand, too excited about the crisis care hopes, that I don't even want to go. I will, but I don't feel like it.

 

AFM.... We got an e-mail saying that our application had been received yesterday and that a social worker will contact us. (I really liked the one that I talked with on the phone a week ago. She is the boss, though, so I think it is unlikely we will get her.) I would assume they would not waste their resources meeting us if they thought we could not be accepted. Then again, maybe this social worker did not read the application, yet. Who knows. I am so so hoping that our training will move forward a bit faster than average, because then dh would get to see a bit more what it is like for us during the day. By mid September he will go back to school (and commuting 3 hours a day) and will not have as good a chance to see and be part of things. (Dh got hurt at work a bit before dd was born. Thus he was never one of those guys that think it is like a vacation to be a sahm. He saw the amount of work from the very beginning.) I guess it will be a plus that I have worked with babies at a daycare and have dealt with (ok, cooperated, whatever) with different professionals when I was teaching. Dh and I have also done a lot of mental work concerning our parents and their methods of raising us. I feel like we do need to be educated about the system here as well as anything having to do with the babies' transition to the old or new home, as well as the visits with bioparent. Otherwise, I really do feel ready right now. Oh... and I certainly could use some guidance with dd. She is so excited about a baby coming and knows s/he will leave sooner or later. Yet, I could use some advice from those who have dealth with this situation.

 

Dd and I went to a fleemarket yesterday and found some diapers and a couple of pieces of little clothing. It was really fun to be able to buy something thinking that there most likely would be a user coming to us. (I had not bought almost anything in years, as it had been too painful to think there might never be use for the things.) Yet, I will say that it is bitter sweet to start to enter the world of mamas of little ones again, without being pregnant or expecting a baby that will stay. I feel like an insider and outsider at the very same time. I am already thinking of how to respond when people see us with a baby and get all excited, thinking we have finally been able to get pregnant. Yet, I do feel strong enough now to deal with it, and anything else that comes my way. That is something these past years have given me: a feeling I can deal with just about anything. Even the trip to the US is starting to look just about ok to me. I now think I maybe could deal with spending a week with the family of the newborn babe. (BTW, ironically enough, I was asked to become the Godmother of the baby I was dreading spending time with if we do travel this summer. I have met the mom only at her wedding but I trust that she is a great person. Bil is a very nice guy.) Here's the funny thing: My country is very expensive, so I would really like to go shopping in the US this summer. How sad is that? LOL. We would receive enough extra income for each day that a baby is with us that we could afford some nice things for the babies. You know, if they have to be away from biomama, at least we can dress them in something soft and wonderful, buy the best formula, etc. Ok... I think you can tell I am still so excited.

 

BTW, if my writing about these babies and "baby stuff" in general hurst anyone, please do let me know. I really, really mean it. This has been such a safe, good place for me that I would hate to take that away from someone.


 

post #155 of 258
Thread Starter 

LTB - Yay! I'm glad your process is moving forward. Did you ever decide about the SA for your dh? I know you had planned to do it, then AF came, and then you were kind of undecided about it. I assume he doesn't care one way or another?

 

AFM, DH GRADUATED!!!! I am so excited to have that stress done! (His last final was the night before graduation.) This morning, we're going to his sister's graduation, then out for a celebratory lunch with his family. Still no job offers, but now he can look full time. :D

post #156 of 258
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

LTB - Yay! I'm glad your process is moving forward. Did you ever decide about the SA for your dh?



I booked it once and then realized I was going to have af at that time. (Not doing the more common collection method, so this matters.) Then we had less money, then I got tired of it all... and sometime in the middle of all this we got the appointment with the hospital. Since they will run that test for free, I decided not to spend the $150 just to know a bit earlier.

 

I am doing a major clean up here. Never did I think that the day would come I would look forward to a visit from a social worker. ;)

post #157 of 258
argh, Milk8Shake! How frustrating! I'm really really really rooting for you that this is your baby's first prank (s)he's pulling on you. goodvibes.gif Any news?
post #158 of 258
Well I guess my body is screwier that I thought.
It's full blown bleeding now, and I have no idea, because I have never had a cycle this short.
My cycles have always been predictable in length. Even my fertility app thought I had nearly a whole week before AF.

And that line on the FRER. I know the photo wasn't clear, but I swear to you there was a line.
Who knows. Tomake matters worse, I'm at a SANDS conference this weekend, and I'm the only woman here without a child.
post #159 of 258

Oh, Milkshake! NO!!! I definitely saw a line on the photo in the link you gave us too. I know that doesn't help you out one bit, but you are not crazy. I totally believe it. This cycle was a really confusing and stressful one for you! That sounds just horrid to have to be at that conference right now. Ugh.hug2.gif

 

LTB- I for one, am super excited for you and reading your posts with lots of interest in case I should ever change my mind and want to do the same thing someday.

 

monkey- Yay for DH's graduation! My DH is graduating with his Master's in August, and I cannot wait for it to be completely over with! I hope your DH finds a great job quickly!

 

AFM, no O yet, I don't think..but I have had ewcm for something like 8 days straight. What is up with that? That's alot, even for me, and I have that whole PCOS thing going on where I tend to have loads of cm.

 

Also, had to listen to DH's coworker tell me today, when we ran into her with her family at the park, why we really need to have more kids because it's great when the older ones take care of the younger ones. I held my tongue because there were other people there who we had just met and I didn't want to get into it. Plus I don't know this lady very well who made the comment. I realize she doesn't know us well enough to know that we would love to have more kids. But for some reason it really bothers me when people think we are actively trying NOT to. I guess because I just want them so bad. I don't know. But yet, I also hate describing the whole ordeal to everyone I come into contact with too. So I really can't win. Maybe if I was less private of a person, I could just tell people??

 

 

post #160 of 258
Lilmom- I'm dealing with that a bit too. For some reason, it comes as a surprise to people that I even want kids, even to people who want me to be a parent. I have no idea why, it may have to do with my physical appearance, or that idea that people who come from large families are "burned", and could never want the absolute torture of motherhood. orngtongue.gif And since I'm private about it, people who know I want kids start pestering me to start trying, unaware that I've been trying since January of last year.
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