WWYD? Quality of home or location?

[Snapdragon]

I find myself in a tricky place with my living situation. I am looking for some perspective from others to help me see it better as I try to figure this out.

I live in a really nice clean beautiful house where I have been for many years. I own it. the challenge of it is that it is very isolated. I am 25 minutes to a town I don't feel connected with (but used to for yrs so it used to be the town I hung out in) and 40 minutes-45 from a town I really feel inspired and connected in. Living here I see no one but ds and dh. IT is very out of anyone's way. So we moved for a while to the town I like, the one 40 minutes from here. IT is also closer to dh's job- the other town, I mean. And we had a great time living there. We had to leave the nice place here we were living. And we just could not find a decent place to live in the town after we moved out of the first one. And we have a one yr old baby so it is all about him.  So we moved back to the beautiful but isolated house!

so my main issue is that I hate driving with ds. He actually does fine, but I hate the lifestyle of having him in the car a lot- and if we stay here then I have to drive a lot to see people. When we were living in the other town we lived close to other people, and it was so fun for ds. When he would get fussy I would just take him out for a walk and we would talk to people and see things going on. It was so much easier to parent him that way. At this house, it is just him and me all day while dh works. Or a lot of driving- and I would only really want to hang out in the other town!

So we can rent this house out and rent a house in the town we want to be in right now. But we really can't find anything decent- it is a small town so we have combed through what is out there.

so if we do manage to find a place, it will likely be a lot less nice than this house, and the beautiful grounds it is on.

so- wwyd? find a house or apartment in the area with people where I want to be raising ds, but have it be quite less nice and maybe even kind of rundown or grubby,,,,, or stay in a lonely far away beautiful clean place with a baby alone all day?!

[Tilia]

It is location for me, absolutely.  It just brightens your mood to feel connected to the area and do what you want to do without all that driving.  I would rather have the opportunity to do stuff than live in isolation.

[Snapdragon]

yes- I know- I feel so inspired in the other town, and connected. And I was isolated for years before haveing ds. But I want him to grow up in a community of friendly people.  The thing is that home is very important to me too. We were lucky to spend the few months we recently lived there in a really nice apartment! so we had both things going on. We had to leave the place (landlord's situation made it so) . So, I just feel such a huge need right now to make a home for my and my family- yet it is so disjointed in my world- we really haven't been able to find anything at all even close to good in the town I want to be in! So I know there is no answer- we are just going to keep looking.

I guess what I don't know is how MUCH to compromise?  there are a couple of crappy apartments we could live in in that town right now, but they really don't appeal to me. We moved into a run down smelly house for a few days, but that didn't work out for me! So anyway it is a weird transition because we recently came back to isolation from having been a part of a community I really liked. I really want to go back there! But I need a certain standard of home- which I haven't found yet- just, clean floors for ds to crawl on, clean air quality- etcetera. And I am used to where I live now which is super nice. so I just don' really know how to proceed other than wait and see what comes up as options.

[zebra15]

can you build a home in the town you want to be in?

[mattemma04]

I would stay in the home you are in,BUT start looking for the best place possible in the location I want to live in. I love isolated.You sound like you need something different,so I think it is a good idea to make the change if you really think you will be happier in the new location.

[amma_mama]

Can you try to negotiate a deal with a potential landlord to pay a bit more rent in return for new floors and some paint? Or, the reverse, less rent and you will do some of the work to de-grub the place? Either way, I would think that it would be a win-win situation unless there is an infinite market for grub?

[Snapdragon]

you mean the grubby place we oved in and out of? nah, we already painted some of the rooms actually- the place is gross!!!

Anwya- still sorting through everything. Sometimes I just want everything to be exactly how I want it now- instant gratification.  But I really should try to enjoy the nice parts of being here while I am here and also work at compramize. Jeez I forgot how to spell that word! Spell check on computers is making my spelling lazy--

[Chamomile Girl]

I agree with previous posters that it sounds like you need to be patient.  Network a bit too; let the people in town who know you help you find a place through word of mouth.  Maybe their great aunt Mabel needs a great renter but is daunted by putting out an add or some such.  As my mom loves to say, "put the energy out there and wait for something good to fall in your lap."  And in the mean time continue to take your DS to the town with the knowledge that the driving is a temporary thing.

[Snapdragon]

thanks for the good suggestions-now that I am settling in I am starting to really appreciate the beauty of this place- still miss community andhhate driving, but love the place. so I gues sI will have to wait and see what happens

Edited by Snapdragon - 5/5/11 at 7:48pm

[Snapdragon]

. . . but, upon another waking day I see VERY clearly that being in a town where I can walk my 1 yr old aorund and have things going on is WAY more fun than entertaining him alone in a big pretty lonely far away from everything place! sigh! I really need to move. We just need to find a place-

[elisheva]

It's also possible to make lemonade out of the lemons of a grubby house. Bleach can do wonders toward making a place cleaner even if the linoleum is stained and peeling... For me, location would win out every time. I know that I could alter a house to suit (ok, barring really icky things like recurring roaches and rats but I assume we're not talking that extreme) over time. As long as I could get it clean, it doesn't have to be picture perfect for me.

[Katico]

I would prioritize a house that felt like home and the grounds for your child to explore.  In this situation, if I had a car like you do, there is no way I would live in a sketchy apartment or home, just to be able to walk to the library.  I feel like home is the most important place for little people to be anyway.  But I would make a big effort to get out enough, make connections, take advantage of everything within driving distance.  And I would keep an eagle eye for something better, closer, AND comfortable to live in.  Waiting in the short term will probably pay off big time for you!