My partner and I are pursuing domestic open infant adoption through an agency in town. We had our mandatory 2-day training this weekend and I'm having some feelings that I would really love help sorting out.
My whole experience is colored by the fact that my mom placed a child in a closed adoption in the 60s, who she has tried (unsucessfully) to find. I always knew about this experience, but my family has a very deep history of denial and "everything's fine"-ing and minimizing. She has been very minimizing/neutral in telling me about her experience - basically that it was "just fine" and that's all she wants to say on it.
I had SO SO SO many feelings come up at the training and it's hard to separate out what's what. For example, the way our agency works, both us and the expectant moms get to decide general preferences. When an Emom has decided to move forward with an adoption plan, every waiting family that meets her basic preferences gets her profile (general info, exposures, medical/mental health history etc) and we then say if we want her to look at our family book. She then gets all the books from families that said yes and picks one family to meet.
NONE of the info from our homestudy, or from the agency, or any party other than ourselves, is shared with the Emom. All she sees is this glossy 15 page photo book that can basically say whatever we want (not *really*, but you know, it's highly editorialized/subjective). This feels like a weird power dynamic. And akin to expecting someone to buy a house after seeing the flyer and maybe doing a walk-through but not ever seeing the inspection report. The other agency we were considering gives eparents EXTENSIVE information, and I think I just assumed that all agencies do that.
Am I overthinking? Projecting?