Can I just vent about the mother in law?? URGH!

[strmis]

So, we FINALLY told DH's parents we were pregnant (I'm nearly 19 weeks, but they just never seem happy with joyous news such as this). URGH!! 

Here's how it went:

MIL: sitting on the couch looking staring into space (because the TV broke which is their only form entertainment in that house, because no one knows how to carry a conversation there): leila, did you tell owa the news?? (leila doin her own thing)

 

DH: Leila is going to be a big sister! we're having a girl

 

MIL: sitting on the couch looking staring into space (because the TV broke and there is ZERO form of entertainment in that house, including conversation (notice I just had to copy and paste)

 

DH: did you hear me?

 

MIL: yeah, i heard you (sitting on the couch looking staring into space (because the TV broke and there is ZERO form of entertainment in that house, including conversation (notice I just had to copy and paste)

then she gets up to get the laundry from the garage

 

and... BTW... a brief history on us. Our first baby we lost at 17 weeks, so you'd think that any news like this would be a happy occasion. apparently, the contrary is so.

 

This is why we don't tell them anything.  Any good thing is always turned into a negative. For instance, we don't tell them we take vacations because they ask us if we have money to.  If one of us gets a promotion, its not "congratulations" its, "oh, so you'll be working more now." Stuff like that. Seriously, going there is like an energetic black hole. When we got there today, MIL asked DH if DD was getting dark and if she was playing in the sun (in a totally negative way).  If we ever have another baby, I'm tempted to not see them the entire duration of the pregnancy and then show up with a baby one day OR, just let one of their relatives (who by the way will be thrilled) tell them for us, and then show up with a baby.

 

    

[ValH]

Wow, sorry your MIL is such a "Debbie Downer."  Hopefully she'll get more excited as the pregnancy progresses.  If not, avoid her if possible - you surely don't need any negative energy around you right now! 

[SuzyQ-ME]

Ugh, I am so sorry.  Your MIL makes mine look almost tolerable.  With mine, everything is just all about her.  I had a miscarriage in October at 6 weeks - we hadn't even told anyone we were pregnant, so we didn't really tell many people we had the loss.  My husband (who is clearly a very wise man) finally confessed months later that she found out about the miscarriage from his sister, and actually called my husband up to yell at him.  She didn't even say she was sorry to hear about it!

Everything is ALL ABOUT HER.  Always! 

So we just avoid dealing with her when possible.  Like Val said, too much negative energy. 

Is your FIL any better? 

[mareseatoats]

I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL! I'm glad it sounds like your DH is understanding. We also didn't tell my MIL until I was 17 weeks pregnant,and the day after DF told her she called me and told me how upset about it she was. The next time I saw my FIL he said "So what do your parents think about the baby?" in a very, very rude way. And when I said they were excited he goes, "Because it's a boy?". Ugg! When I told my DF that I didn't want to visit them because I felt embarrassed that I was pregnant when we were around them, he got really angry and proceeded to tell me about how they were just voicing their feelings and that was good, and what's more they didn't mean anything by it. I just feel like they've never treated me as a guest, as family, or as anything more than a shadow they sometimes notice (ditto my amazing and engaging 4 year old daughter (who their son adopted))  it's bizarre. But what I mean to say is, they certainly don't have the right to tell me how they're feeling if they don't bother to at least set up a civilized relationship first.

[Lisa1970]

I know how you feel. My mother blows up at me when she finds out I am pregnant. She never wanted to be a mother herself and never really was a real mother to me. There is sort of this feeling of obligation to tell them, but on the other hand...a feeling of why bother to tell them.

Congratulations btw!

[tjjazzy]

uuugh. MILs!!! mine basically is forcing us into keeping our baby's gender a secret. SHE doesn't want to know. we were going to only tell select ppl but now i kind of want to tell the world just bc i don't want her thinking she can control everything we do. she was awful about the whole thing. DH and i were terribly disappointed :( even after she found out some ppl know and she said "oh so it'll get back to me then" (in a condescending voice) she STILL didn't want to know. you'd rather hear from someone on the street????? so selfish. :( i felt like DH's sisters thought i had forced him into finding out bc he originally thought he didn't want to. no one cared that we are happy about it. it was awful. i don't know what i was expecting. his mother has never acted like i was anything better than dirt under her feet. 

[mistiblue02]

I agree- you definitely don't need that negative energy right now. My own mother and I haven't even talked since the beginning of this pregnancy..too much negative energy and to be honest, this has been the least stressful of my pregnancies! Sad it is that way though!