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Inlaws worried about my child's hair and picking on issue

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

I feel like I'm here complaining out my in-laws all of the time but it seems to be a never ending saga.  I have googled to find something about this and didn't have any success.  So here goes.  Please forgive me and I promise my next post will be a positive post about my beloved husband's family, who do have many great attributes!


My daughter is 3 years old and she is half Chinese/half Caucasian.  Her father's family is Chinese.  When she was little, her hair was thick and dark and had curls at the ends.  It was really cute.  As time as passed, it has gotten lighter and thinner and is not growing very quickly.  It is growing but it is very fine.  It is not falling out and her health has been fine.  She eats like a toddler, a little picky and she goes through the normal toddler food strikes and binge.  I have a one year old with the thick, dark healthy looking hair. 


My inlaws have been barking at me and my husband about my oldest daughter's hair.  They insist that she is not eating enough, well enough... and they are telling us that we need to give her fish oil (never mind that this is not even done anymore) and they think that I need to stop breastfeeding her.  They have been telling me to stop breastfeeding her since she turned one, so they have lost this battle but they are relentless.  Long story short, I feel they are insulting my daughter and I'm also feeling very sensitive about the whole issue because I don't want my daughter to feel bad about her appearance.  When they encourage her to eat foods they want her to eat, they say, "It will make your hair grow."  I'm really tired of this and I want it to stop.  I know that my husband needs to address the issue but I wanted to ask here first...


Has anyone else had this kind of issue?  How did you deal with it?  I pulled strands of hair out of my head and from both of my daughter's hair to show my husband's family: mine is the thinnest, oldest daughter is in the middle and youngest has the thickest.  They dismissed my demonstration and told my husband that I was wrong, that it is not normal for my oldest daughter's hair to have changed with age.  I think it is normal.  Hair can change over time and I think my Chinese in-laws just don't understand the type of hair that I have and that my daughter has.  Has anyone's child's hair changed so drastically over time?   


Thanks for your help!



post #2 of 15


Edited by Cascadian - 6/2/11 at 7:40pm
post #3 of 15
I know my hair changed drastically over time. Afraid i dont have any suggestions on how ti deal w your ILs other than getting your DH to tell them to back off and endless repititions of "this is what works for us" and "pass the bean dip".

But i did want to point out 1 misconception - fish oil is absolutely still done. You can check out both the Traditional Foods forum and the health & healing forum for info on CLO/FCLO.
post #4 of 15

Breastmilk is wonderful, and so is fish oil. And of course hair changes over time! Color changes (mine is brown, my brother's is nearly black, and we both had white-blonde hair as children). Some people get curly hair mid-life. Hair also changes as it grows. My daughter is perfectly healthy, breastfed until 4 1/2, and has incredibly thin, slow-growing hair. My husband and I also have incredibly thin, slow-growing hair.


Newborn hair does change dramatically in the first year, or so I've been told. My daughter only had a little tuft of it in the back, so it was hard to tell.



post #5 of 15
Originally Posted by blithespirit View Post


My inlaws have been barking at me and my husband about my oldest daughter's hair.  They insist that she is not eating enough, well enough... and they are telling us that we need to give her fish oil (never mind that this is not even done anymore) a



Actually I give both my kids fish oil twice a day. It is fantastic for both heart and brain health.


But I know my hair has changed dramatically throughout my life. I was born with thick pitch black hair. It became fair and fine. I was blond with very straight hair as a child. As a teen my hair slowly darkened through the years though it was always fine and sraight. In my 30s (right after my second child's birth) it became thicker and wavy.


post #6 of 15
Thread Starter 

Thanks to all.  Maybe I will give the fish oil a go.  I was under the impression that it was out of favor to use fish oil supplements.  Thanks for the cultural perspectives too.  My in-laws did go through periods of food rationing and they are certainly very sensitive to that issue.  I will try to remain patient and do what I'm doing.  I also bought some hair products (organic) today and am hoping those might tame the fly-aways, at least when we go see the in-laws.  Thanks again!

Edited by blithespirit - 5/2/11 at 2:55pm
post #7 of 15

What's your hair like? Your parents? Siblings?


My family and dh's family are all caucasian, but from completely different regions (Hungary vs the U.K.). My dh, dad, and little brother who all have dark brown verging on black hair now had corn silk blonde hair until they were nearly 6.


Our moms have super fine wispy hair (mine is vegetarian, his regularly eats fish), our dads have super curly hair, we both ended up with wavy hair (mine was straight until around 12 years old)--dd has curly ringlet hair. 




The important thing is that your relatives don't make your dd feel upset at how she looks and that they don't minimize her Chinese heritage because she doesn't look how they expect.

post #8 of 15

I would ask your DH to have a talk with them about not discussing your daughter's hair in front of her.  It sounds like they are just overly worried and some cultural issues may be at play so I would allow them to continue to voice their concerns to him or you, but explain that it will negatively affect her self esteem if they continue to go on about it, and you just don't find it acceptable, so please stop.  And, I also give a vote to fish oil.  We use it and it is great for a lot of things!

post #9 of 15

I give my DD Carlson's Orange flavored fish oil capsules or their Lemon flavored Cod Liver Oil. They are chewable, and she likes the taste.


I agree about the hair thing. They should cut it out, its not going to help her, and it may give her a complex. I had a similar problem but it was my daughters crossed eyes that they kept commenting on. I was taking her to eye doctors over it, so its not like I wasnt doing anything about it.

post #10 of 15
My baby gets fermented cod liver oil every day as well.
I feel it has a much better profile then fish oils, which tend to have the mercury in them, due to the oil coming form the flesh, rather then the liver.
post #11 of 15

I used Nutrasea fish oil from my first pregnancy onwards. Helped me stave off PPD, amazing for developing brains (and my brain!). I highly recommend you do some reading around this site - Omegas 3/6 are super-nutrition...and yes, amazing for hair :D

post #12 of 15

Also it changes...dd was mostly BALD her first year of life. By the time she was 3 her hair was long and thick..it changes...

post #13 of 15

My boys (who are black/white) all had black, straight hair as babies but once they are past a year old it gets really curly and golden-brown. Their hair is also VERY caucasian, like mine (I am white, my hair is very very fine, straight honey colored hair)- meaning their hair is curly but fine and soft like mine, not at all like their dad's. People say that other ethnicities genes are stronger and will always be more dominant but that's not always the case. Your daughter's hair is her hair, there is nothing wrong with it!

post #14 of 15

Hair can change over time. No, people do take fish oil still but it will not make hair dark. It has a lot of benefits and after conversation with my pedi I gave it to mine and I take it still. However, it is something you should dicuss  with you pedi.   If hair are not falling out there is really nothing to worry about.

post #15 of 15
Can I chime in about the cultural perspective? I live in Hong Kong and Chinese people (for the most part) are VERY blunt about appearance. You're too fat. You've lost weight. Don't eat that lychee fruit, you'll get pimples. When I was pregnant, the never ending supply of advice about what I should or should not be doing got overwhelming. I didn't mind the advice giving much until my ds was born but now little old ladies stop me on the train and chastise me because my ds isn't wearing enough clothes, and I need to put such and such a cream on him and DON'T let him put his hands in his mouth!!!! I'd get your husband to chat with his parents about how much it upsets you and then I'd feel free to remind them that in your culture babies have hair like this. Repeat repeat repeat.
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