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May 2011 Whatever Ladies Graduates - Page 7

post #121 of 291

O.K. so most of you mamas have BTDT with regard to pregnancy and childbirth. Can you guys weigh in on something that I've been thinking through the past couple of days?

 

I've really been having these feelings that I don't want to do this whole pregnancy thing again. Is it just because I've pretty much been pregnant for almost a year now (counting my M/C) and I will change my mind once the baby is here? Or is it a valid feeling? DH and I were discussing this last night because we will definitely be avoiding for the near future after Ava is born because of things going on in our family life regarding my step-kids but will my feelings change? Will I start to want another baby when Ava gets a bit older?

 

It also doesn't appear to just be a "I don't want to be pregnant again" thing either. I'm feeling very protective of Ava recently and can't imagine her having to "share" DH & I w/a baby sibling and she's not even here yet! Some of that is probably coming from watching my sister trying to juggle my two nieces this past weekend. They are 23 months old and 7 months old and I just kept thinking that it will be great when they are older but now it's just crazy for everyone!

 

Is it just hormones?

post #122 of 291
Thread Starter 
Annie ~ You won't know until you come to that point. I wouldn't assume that anything you think or feel right now will be permanent or final. I don't think it's uncommon toward the end of a pregnancy and for a while after birth when you have a very young baby to think you don't want anymore. It's a huge life change and takes a while to get used to and get a sort of rhythm going.

When I was young I did not want any children. While I was pg with ds1 and for years after he was born I did not want any more children, mainly because I still didn't want children but I got pg with him by accident so that was that. It wasn't until I met my current dh 8 years after having ds1 that I wanted children. I still didn't want children just for myself, if that makes sense. I wanted children with my dh. Even then I thought I'd only want 1 or 2 more children. 3 seemed like a lot and I certainly didn't want more than that. Now here I am getting ready to have #4, whom I desperately wanted. Once I started having babies I felt like I needed to keep going for a while. That's why I'm so against any kind of permanent bc like tubal ligation or vasectomy. You just never know what circumstances you may find yourself in down the road and how those circumstances may change how you feel and what you want.

I do feel like I'm done after this one for a few reasons. One, I think 4 is enough for me. I really don't think I could handle anymore. Two, I'll be 43 before another pg is even a possibility. With my history, that means I'd probably be 44 or 45 before I actually got and stayed pg, assuming I could get pg then. I don't want to have another baby at that age. Third, I've pushed my dh enough since he wanted to stop after ds2 so I think I should cut him a break at this point.

I can't really speak to feeling like you want this done already since you feel like you've been pg for so long because of the miscarriage. I had many miscarriages, as you know, and never felt that way. I joke about how I've either been TTC, pg or nursing for 11 years now (Wow, that's a long time!) but I can't relate to the feelings you describe about that.

That's been my experience. I don't know if it really helps you any. I think there's just no way for you to know one way or another now (or maybe even ever). You just go along and see how the future unfolds.
post #123 of 291

Annie, maybe so, and maybe not. For me, at least, I was asking about the next baby while they prepped me for a c-section, so obviously didn't have those feelings while pregnant or in labor. And with this pregnancy, while I KNOW it isn't my last one, I don't know how soon I really want to be pregnant again . . .I would like to nurse this one longer than DS (15 months) but beyond that . . . I just don't know.

 

Some women are perfectly content with one and only one baby. others change minds during or after pregnancy. I think TTA is a good way to go for at least a year postpartum. after that, re-evaluate what you and your DH think and feel, and how your family life is.  I know I look at DS sometimes and he is such a good baby/toddler (most of the time) I wonder how we could ever improve on that? and why would we want to? others it is like, how can we NOT want more of that? (assuming subsequent children would be just as fabulous - and of course they will be, in their own way)

 

I don't have stepkids, and even if so, every blended family situation is different. at least having them, you know Ava won't really be an "only" child, she will always have siblings.

 

DH has far stronger political views than I do. I can't even label mine as conservative or liberal . . . it depends on the issue, and even on some of those I am torn. for example; as much as I am pro-life  - and I am - I don't want abortion made illegal. Women will still seek those services, and they will likely be provided by less safe sorts of people, in less safe environments, risking 2 lives instead of one. I hate to admit it, but I agree with the some of the pro-choice statement "safe, legal, and rare". But I don't agree with it being about "my body, my choice" - for me, once that baby (not embryo or fetus) is conceived, it really isn't your body anymore, or just your life. (but that is getting off topic entirely, I just wanted an example of my internally opposing political views)

 

I think some of the social welfare systems are great to have in place. I understand the need for regulation, but think it goes perhaps too far in some situations. I flinch when I hear the radio commercials now, advertising for the state medicare program, that they are giving cash incentives for well-visits and vaccinations. I think more people are trying to become more informed about alot of things, but so much of it is driven underground, rather than being brought to the forefront; else you get labeled as a conspiracy theorist or extremist or something. (Rant over, I think!)

 

I need some energy! my 2nd trimester energy spike hasn't really hit yet, and I could really (or at least my house could) use it and that nesting thing to kick in early!

post #124 of 291
Annie, I agree with MW and akind that you just never know if those feelings will change later or not. Last pregnancy was so easy for me, and I never had any of those feelings, but that was probably because it was easy! After DS was born I wanted another right away. That feeling went away by the time he was 6-9 months old or so, and I didn't feel ready for another for a good long time. But I did eventually want another. Right now I am conflicted. On the one hand, this pregnancy has been a lot harder on me physically than the last one, lots of back and hip pain and morning sickness early on, so I'm not sure I want to do it again. But on the other hand, it hasn't been THAT bad. Of course my DS has been driving me insane the last ...oh, year or so lol.gif so that plays into it too. I don't want to produce too many more 3 yos if you know what I mean. My plan is to use FAM for at least 3 years after the "last" baby to make sure that it is really the last before letting DH do anything permanent.
post #125 of 291
Thread Starter 
Haha, katrina. I think I only got a few weeks of that 2nd trimester boost and then I was back to feeling blah or sometimes even sick. I've been taking this liquid iron supplement for about 3 days now and I think I do feel a difference. I don't feel completely exhausted and like I'm dragging myself around just to get the slightest thing accomplished. I put that changing table together all by myself and have already loaded it with some diapers and woolies.

I think I do need a few more diapers. I've got 26 or 28 small or OS fitteds that should work from birth and 9 pockets that may work but may be just a little too big in the beginning. I'll use those at night stuffed full so it won't matter if they are a little big. Maybe I'll get just a half dozen more OS fitteds just to be safe. My friend never did mail those diapers that she said she had already put in the mail. I'm kind of frustrated about that but don't want to keep bugging her. I wonder if she's waiting for me to send her some money for them but I sent her an email weeks ago asking how many there were so I could send her a check and she never responded. That was supposed to be after she had already mailed them twice, anyway. eyesroll.gif Ok, I went off on a complete tangent there.

I know what you mean with the political views. Abortion rights is one of those for that has changed over the years. I used to be a very staunch supporter of abortion rights. After getting pg with ds1 my views changed a little. I decided that while abortion wasn't for me women in general should have complete and free access to it for whatever reasons. Now I think more like you. I don't think abortion should be made illegal but I also don't think it should be so easily accessible that it's used as bc. Where do you draw the line, though? What happens if you have a young girl who is pg because of incest but is required to inform her parents/get parental permission before she can get an abortion or a woman who was raped being denied an abortion because she can't pay for it?

Then there's the flip side. The 15yo girl that I know that just had a baby didn't tell anyone she was pg or go to the doctor about it until she was something like 20 weeks along. She got a big lecture from the doctor about waiting so long to do anything because her family had taken her to the clinic for an abortion but it was too late. I can't help wonder if she did that on purpose because she knew her family would push her to have an abortion and she didn't want one. It's hard for me to believe she had no idea she was pg until then.

I wish our government would do more to support single, disadvantaged, poor, young or struggling parents. Then maybe there wouldn't be so many abortions. IDK

The medical/vaccination thing is another that gets me. I wonder what doctors are really thinking when they refuse to accept patients who don't vax. Aren't they supposed to first do no harm? If they were really that concerned about kids and people not being vaxed, it seems to me they'd want to provide more medical care for those who are not in case they did get sick. KWIM? It just seems backward to refuse to see someone for wellness checks just because they don't vax.

I've always been somewhat radical and different but I find myself becoming more and more fringe. It's like I do almost everything differently from most everyone else I know, definitely from the mainstream. It makes life a lot harder. Sometimes I wish I could be blissfully ignorant and just go along with the flow.
post #126 of 291

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. It's interesting to me because I totally did not expect to feel this way. I have a close friend who had a baby last year and she doesn't feel like she is done but her DH only wants 1 child and I always have these feelings of sadness for her that she only got to experience pregnancy and birth once. So to feel as though I'm totally fine with experiencing it once is a bit of a mind-game to me you know?

 

For religious reasons, DH and I will never do anything permanent to affect our fertility. So that means that I have at least 10-12 years left of being fertile after Ava is born. That's a long time and I fully expect that things can change.

 

MW, totally understand about wanting to have kids w/your DH, not just wanting to have kids. That's pretty much how I feel as well. That's why all those years of DH being insistent that we not have a child was not a deal breaker for me. I didn't want to leave him and go off and have a child. I wanted to have a child WITH him.

 

post #127 of 291

I agree with blissful ignorance! but then, if I ever did become informed, at what price to my child(ren)? Would I reget putting them through things like vax's, well visits, circ, etc? I don't think I will regret not doing those things, after all, if at some point, when they are older, they choose to get shots, or snipped, it is their decision. I also think that after a certain age, especially in adults, perhaps the risks of some of the side effects go down. (could be wrong though)

 

I wonder though, is it hypocritical to say it is my son's decision to get circ'd or not, but I would pierce my baby girl's ears at a young age? - and I would - the earlier you do it, the better. I mean, both are invasive, somewhat cosmetic procedures. OTOH, piercing ears doesn't affect the function or purpose of the ear.

 

the reasons you state - among others - are why I don't think abortion should be purely illegal. I also think about the legitimate late term abortions - a much wanted pregnancy, but a terminal baby (like with severe anacephaly or something which would make life outside the womb impossible) - I don't know if I myself could carry a baby to term that wouldn't survive. They are scary things to even consider (especially when you are pregnant), but still, someone has to. I do wish more birth control - other than just plan B and condoms - were readily available to everyone, regardless of income. but hey, who asked me anyway?

 

Annie, I hope we have helped a little bit! It isn't an easy thing to decide.

post #128 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

I've really been having these feelings that I don't want to do this whole pregnancy thing again. Is it just because I've pretty much been pregnant for almost a year now (counting my M/C) and I will change my mind once the baby is here? Or is it a valid feeling? DH and I were discussing this last night because we will definitely be avoiding for the near future after Ava is born because of things going on in our family life regarding my step-kids but will my feelings change? Will I start to want another baby when Ava gets a bit older?

 

It also doesn't appear to just be a "I don't want to be pregnant again" thing either. I'm feeling very protective of Ava recently and can't imagine her having to "share" DH & I w/a baby sibling and she's not even here yet! Some of that is probably coming from watching my sister trying to juggle my two nieces this past weekend. They are 23 months old and 7 months old and I just kept thinking that it will be great when they are older but now it's just crazy for everyone!

 

Is it just hormones?


I think the feelings you're having are perfectly valid.  They may change, they may not.  But the big thing is to acknowledge them and take what you can from them.  When I was pg with DD, I felt similarly.  I didn't want any more babies for a lonnnnng time.  I felt like DH would be the one to bring up another baby, maybe when Nora was in elementary school.  Well, yeah.  That didn't happen!  Soon she was like, 20 months old and I was like, hmm.  Another would be really sweet and fun -- not too far apart in age but not crazy close.  My two are going to be 3 years apart.

 

Anyway all that to say your feelings are most likely normal and not something to feel badly about.  Everyone is different!!

 

FWIW, we feel done now with two, but aren't going to rule anything out!

 

post #129 of 291

I think your feelings can definately change. My SIL had her oldest , and for the first 18 months she was adamant that that was it, and they were done. She wanted her daughter to be an only child. And then she changed her mind, and wanted at least one more, but possibly several more. You never know how you're going to feel the next month, or even five years down the road. 

post #130 of 291
I've now been pregnant longer than I was with DS, as of this morning. thumb.gif
post #131 of 291
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarefootScientist View Post

I've now been pregnant longer than I was with DS, as of this morning. thumb.gif

thumbsup.gif
post #132 of 291

yay!

 

OTOH, I sincerely hope this one doesn't cook longer than DS, who was born at 41+6. However, thanks to the U/S dating, I should have leeway to go to nearly 43 weeks, should that be necessary.

 

Hope everyone has a good weekend planned; I am trying to keep busy so Monday comes sooner! I am just far too excited!

post #133 of 291

ok, so I am sort of a lurker on mdc, but I have been following this thread from back before we all got pregnant!  I am now 16 w 5 days pregnant.  I have posted this question in my ddc, but got no responses - so I thought I would ask you ladies - you seem to be a knowledge  bunch of ladies and I would appreciate your thoughts.  So for the last few days - maybe 5? - mostly in the late evening I get itchy! It is not always in the same spot - but sometimes it is on my belly (which I would think would be normal for stretching skin) but it has been on my arms, my neck, my underarms, once in a while the palms of my hands - so basically you get the picture it moves around.  This is my third pregnancy and it has never happened before.  I have not changed my soap, nothing new in my diet wtc.  There is not a rash when I am not itchy - but it does get red and sort of looks like a rash when it is itchy - but that could be from my scratching.  I have tried some anti-itch cream once and it worked, but i don't know if it is safe for use during pregnancy.  Anyway I was thinking of going to the clinic and seeing a dr today about it.  See I do have a family dr I see once a month right now - but seriously I don't know what she will do for me - so far all she has done is check is urine and my blood pressure - she even asked me to weight myself in the hallway next time before i go  in so she "won't have to bother doing it".  I asked her if she could check the heart beat ans she told me you can't hear the hb until 5 or 6months - I heard it at 9 and 11 weeks in previous pregnancies.  I kind of feel silly going in to see a dr to tell them I am itchy - but not right now - only later in the evening.  They close at 5 so I can't go in when I have it!  Anyway - any ideas what it could be?  And would you go get it checked?  I do get to see the OB next month - but that isn't until June 18.

 

Sorry for the long post - but I thought you  ladies might be able to give me some insight!

 

Thanks

Lindsay

post #134 of 291
It sounds to me like PUPP? Or PUPPS? Not sure. I've never had it, but I have heard it. Try googling that though...sorry I can't help more.
post #135 of 291
Thread Starter 
Lindsay ~ Congratulations on your pregnancy! joy.gif

PUPPS is what popped into my head, too. I've never had it and don't know much about it except for reading little bits about it here and there on MDC.

That's silly that your FP said you can't hear the heartbeat until 5-6 months. Either she has very weak, old, out-dated equipment or that's just a lack of experience with maternity care. I could hear my babe's heartbeat with my home doppler at 10 or 11 weeks.

AFM, whewy! I just finished going through all of my baby clothes, diapers and wool again! That was exhausting. The iron must be working, though, because last week I would have not had the energy to do it.

I have a ton of 6-18 months clothes but hardly any NB-6 months stuff. shrug.gif I need some more soakers and longies and I've got some great yarn coming to make some. You'd probably fall over if you knew how much yarn I've ordered just this month. For some reason, there was a rush of co-ops. So, I think I'm going to just get some t-shirts for now, if I can find any. These days it seems all anyone carries is onesies.
post #136 of 291

Also look into cholestasis.  But histamine levels are higher in the evenings.  Or you could just need more EFA's.  I think it's worth giving the dr a call about.  If you call your family dr, you might ask her to look it up for you since it sounds like you can't be confident of her pregnancy knowledge base.

post #137 of 291

It is so hard to find baby clothes that aren't onesies!  We do just wear some unsnapped around the house, but I always have my eye out for non-onesie baby shirts!  My favorite for tiny babies are the kimono tops.

post #138 of 291
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingMomma View Post

It is so hard to find baby clothes that aren't onesies!  We do just wear some unsnapped around the house, but I always have my eye out for non-onesie baby shirts!  My favorite for tiny babies are the kimono tops.


Yeah, I saw some kimono shirts at Ross but they were all long-sleeved and NB size. I think I really need the next larger size plus I want short sleeves for August. I haven't looked anywhere else recently but I remember having trouble finding just shirts for ds3. I think I ended up ordering some screen printed ones.
post #139 of 291

Lindsay, could also be non-pregnancy related stress. I had a rash like that prior to pregnancy and it eventually went away. It looked horrid though; even the on-site nurse at work was a bit alarmed. Check what is in your cream. I don't think you are supposed to use steroid cream (could be wrong though) but something soothing with Aloe in it might help and should be fine. from what I understand PUPPS is insanely itchy. For some women it get so bad and without relief they deliver the baby (I had a friend who this happened to) .. . .

 

as for HB; I hear the baby's HB with a plain old stethoscope and I am 20 weeks (granted, not everytime I try, and when I do it is faint, but still). I heard it with a doppler at my 16/17 week appointment.

 

for a summer baby, t-shirts are great! Gerber makes some plain pull over the head sort but sizes run extremely small. spasilk seems a great brand and they have some basic ones too here

 

MW: I had the same issue with DS; everyone had told us not to buy newborn stuff, so when he was born, he didn't have but a couple items. at under 7 lbs, he was swimming in 0-3, so we had to go buy and borrow some. That and we found out what we were having at the end of summer, so were able to stock up on summer clothes really cheaply. Thank goodness he pretty much has grown according to what we thought he would!

 

Have a baby shower to go to next Sunday! I love giving gifts, so look forward to the slew of showers that should be happening. It is a 2nd baby, but a different sex from the first, so that is why the shower. Even if this baby is another boy, I would still love to have a pre-baby party. No gifts needed, but I think it is fun to get together with people and celebrate a pregnancy and soon-to-be-born baby.

 

post #140 of 291

thanks for the ideas!  My dr is a bit out dated I think - I think she is scared of pregnant women or something - she told em she will only see until 5 months and then I have to go to the OB but I am quite happy to do that!  I wish there were midwives and the like in our area but there aren't!  

I did google PUPPS but it seems like that is a rash that is there all the time - this is only there when I am itchy.  And of course the more I think about it the itchier I get!  The itchiness from this comes and goes so I don't know.  I was going to go up to the clinic this afternoon but my DH is away and I left my purse in his vehicle and I would need my medicare card to be seen at the clinic.  Maybe I will go tomorrow.  I think it is probably nothing too serious but you know how it is - we worry!  I did read that they did some research on PUPPS and they tested some of the papules and found that there was male DNA int hem - so this led to the theory that male DNA can cause skin irritation - so maybe this is a boy - I have two dds and I didn't have this!

 

I love looking at all the baby stuff too - but we are keeping the sex a surprise since DH says that is his only job - he gets to announce the sex!  So not much shopping for me!  I can get some of the more generic things though - car seat etc.  We got rid of everything we had for dd2 since DH didn't want any more kids so we have to start all over!

 

I am so proud of all of you who do the cloth diapering - I haven't done it and am not sure if I would be up for it - it seems like a lot of work and I doubt DH would be much help with it - he did suggest it with DD1, but he thought all you had to do was take the dirty diaper off and put it in the washing machine - poop and all! lol  Wouldn't that be a nice mess??

 

Thanks again for the ideas - hopefully I can get to the dr soon.  

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