My dad's wife is a tad bit crazy. She can have little outbursts like a 2 y/o sometimes over the silliest things. Example: yesterday DD drew a picture and I said "We can go put this on grandpa's fridge for him" and she comes running into the room and says "It's MY fridge too you know I live here!" So I said right grandpa and (her name) fridge"
So anyways I had a HUGE problem with her putting her hands on our child's face and telling her "You look at m when I'm talking to you" when he was like 11 m/o. I was told she refused to baby proof and that my child should know not to touch anything in her house.
So we didn't go there for over 6 months.
During that time she apologized and said we could compromise and she would baby proof ect..respect my decisions as her parent and what not. (she always disciplines over me and DD is really sensitive)
So we gave it a shot sleeping over there on sat. She wasn't around most of the time and everything was going great. My dad is really trying to be a wonderful grandpa (we had issues when I was a kid) and I am really moved by how gentle he is with her. He is the ONLY person in either of our families that actually call us and want to see DD and spend time with her (DH's fam didn't even show up for DDs 1st b-day!)
His wife went into monster mode as usual. They were leaving to go do something on Sun and DD was crying and reaching for me dad (which she never does to anyone except DH and I) and I said "That's so cute she doesn't want you guys to go" his wife said "Oh well too bad" and slams the door....OK
Then at dinner she is "showing" DD how to use a fork and she is saying things like "You are not eating right, do it like this, no not like that, like this Oh let me just do it!"
Then DD ran over and ripped something off the screen and this woman screams at her then at me and says to DD "Can't you keep your hands off ANYTHING?!' I said I apologize I should have been watching her better, then we packed up our stuff to go.
We were waiting for my dad to come down stairs to say goodbye and I was holding DD and talking to his wife and DD was POINTING to the magnets. His wife was even naming the magnets and being nice to her. Then DD points to a pic her grand kids drew and she flips out and says "She shouldn't be over here she can't TOUCH anything" I said "She can't even touch it? She wasn't doing anything." and she says "NO I don't want her touching it that's why I put them out of reach" (even though sh was right there and playing with them with her) I just walked away.
We say goodbye and go to get in the car and she comes out to the driveway and starts attacking me verbally with all this garbage about how DD needs more discipline and she has never met a child who can not keep there hands off everything ect ect I argued for GD and said it is my choice ect. then she starts telling me I am wrong and DD needs to learn respect (even though she is very well behaved and does not hit, bite, kick, nothing like that) and then tells me I shouldn't respect DD she is just a baby, when I told her she needs to speak to her more respectfully....
So this is getting drawn out she won't listen ect. I said "obviously she is just not old enough to come to your house b/c 18 MONTH OLD babies are not capable of the things she expects" then she says "that isn't fair and yes they are and I am just not doing a good job of teaching her ect ect" Then we get into the lecture of "when my son was little I did x,y,z and he never did x,y,z" 
So it ends with "Well we can just disagree with how you discipline your kids but at my house we follow my rules" I said "I am not going to discipline my child your way at your house, I respect your rules, and have been accomodating them, like I said the screen thing was my fault b/c I should have kept right on her, other than that she has been fine" Then DD started crying and I said I have to go.
So IDK what to do here. My and DDs relationship with my father is important and we have really been healing our past, which has been really great. He is doing so well with her and I am so happy about all of this. He wants me to be comfortable enough to come over there and he comes to our house a lot too (45 min drive). I feel like his wife is completely contradicting herself though with it not "being fair" for us not to come over but then disrespecting us while there. I mean it is not unreasonable for an 18 m/o baby to want to explore. She did so well over there too she didn't mess with the huge pile of exposed dvds or the "special toys" she was NOT allowed to play with, or any of the unbaby-proofed draws/cabinets. I thought she did exceptionally well. This woman just doesn't want her to tough anything ever.
The only thing I can think of is to just not go there but then she says she doesn't want that....so WHAT exactly can I do?
TYIA
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