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Of course he has a daddy,all babies have a daddy...um no mine doesn't.

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
What do you say when someone says that to you? I was visiting a friend at the store he was working in last week and a friend of the owner came in and chatted to us. She was an older woman and she was nice enough, though she did grab my son out of my arms with out asking b/c she wanted to hold him. She asked me where is daddy was and I said "he doesn't have a daddy, he has me and our kitty cat". She was like oh no don't say that all babies have a daddy. I didn't really know what to say b/c I don't believe that at all and I don't have any contact with the father of my baby and I've never referred to him as daddy either and I won't. So how do you react to questions like this?
post #2 of 20

Tell her she's a fool and a punk for setting you up like that, don't let her touch your kid.

 

In future, nobody gets to take your kid out of your arms unless you offer, or they ask and you open-heartedly say 'yes'. If they try, you say 'No', and step away.

 

 

post #3 of 20

um wow...that's really impolite of her and awkward for you. If you want to remain polite, you could respond with "Not all families are the same"...but I'm sure others will be along to provide you with juicier retorts.

post #4 of 20

Well, not all fathers are daddies.

post #5 of 20

I dont know why it says I like your post.  Because I dont.  That woman was rude and innappropriate.  I dont care if shes older, unless shes been living with her head in the sand, i am sure she has come accross other daddyless children over there years. 

 

I tried to unlike it, like on FB, but I cant.  :(

post #6 of 20

"He has someone that basically donated sperm...is that what you meant?"

 

You know, or something less rude....

 

Ugh, people.

post #7 of 20

Um...if someone had taken my kid out of my arms without asking me, I think any notion of civil conversation would have stopped right there. 

post #8 of 20

she's just being technical, he does have father, but whether that father is involved or not is a different story.  i think the most fun you could have had was to say something like "his daddy left me.  do you have a son who's single?" and looked real hopeful.

post #9 of 20

well I don't have a daddy.  I have a sperm donor and a step dad.  my daughter has a daddy, but I never have.


 

post #10 of 20

IF ITS A TOTAL STRANGER, I JUST SAY-<<THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER ISNT INVOLVED.>>

post #11 of 20
Thread Starter 
I think I let her take him like that b/c she's older and a friend of my friend. I do think it's rude when people do that though. I always ask if I can hold someones baby. I think that sometimes older people assume that can get away with crap like that and the comment she made.
post #12 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catubodua View Post

she's just being technical, he does have father, but whether that father is involved or not is a different story.  i think the most fun you could have had was to say something like "his daddy left me.  do you have a son  daughter who's single?" and looked real hopeful.

I think that'd get a funnier reaction. (Mind you, it's mean of me to assume that the woman is homophobic. Despite grabbing a baby from a stranger and pushing her worldviews on the same stranger, she might be a lovely person otherwise.)
 

Oh, I see it's your friend's boss, not a total stranger. Slightly better.

post #13 of 20

technically your child does have a father even if he is uninvolved.  Even if you bought sperm from a bank.  Every child does have a father.  But I would have just responded that he is not involved in our lives.  of course I am not always perfectly polite and may have said something along the lines of "I don't know where he is.  I put his picture on a milk carton but it doesn't seem to be helping.  If you see him could you send him around?"  

 

I don't mind old ladies taking my babies (although I would never do it because I know people are pretty touchy about it).  It is what they do and was probably perfectly acceptable in their lives.  I am sure they think we are rude and crazy the way we keep our babies in a no touching bubble. *shrug* every culture is different.  I don't expect people outside my peer group to get all the mores and social codes  we hold to.

post #14 of 20

I am really great about being brutally honest (and not above exaggerating the brutal part,) in situations like that.

 

Had anyone done that when my now 15yr old was little and I was single, my response would have been something along the lines of "you are right, technically she does have a biological father.  But, he abandoned us when I was still pg, to run off with some crazy woman.  I am now a single mom going to school and raising this beautiful child alone.  So, no, at this point, she has no daddy in her life."  All of that was completely true and I wasn't above stating it.

 

When I was dealing with secondary IF, for 6 years, someone once told me that I wasn't a "real" mom because I had an only.  I informed her that my DH and I had been trying since my only was 6, when we got married and that we hadn't had success yet and that I was just coming off a failed IUI attempt and that we weren't sure that we were going to be able to continue trying because we couldn't afford an IVF because insurance didn't cover it.  Needless to say, she apologized, then slunk away.

 

Sometimes, people need a wake up call like that to realize that they are being as rude as they are. 

post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 
This woman wasn't my friends boss, she was friends with his friend who owns the store though. She was older from another country... I can't remember where from now but The Carribean somewhere I think.

My answer was pretty much "oh he doesn't have a daddy just an uncle B".

That was so rude of that person to say you weren't a real parent b/c you only had one child. I'm glad you set her straight.
post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post

Tell her she's a fool and a punk for setting you up like that, don't let her touch your kid.

 

In future, nobody gets to take your kid out of your arms unless you offer, or they ask and you open-heartedly say 'yes'. If they try, you say 'No', and step away.

 

 


lol, good answer! and lol at your signature-right!

 

post #17 of 20
.
Edited by kristandthekids - 1/16/13 at 6:39pm
post #18 of 20

well I'm mean but I'd probably say, "oh you mean that DB that donated his sperm and jetted?  yeah we haven't seen him in 9 years.  THANKS FOR ASKING THOUGH!"

post #19 of 20


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post

technically your child does have a father even if he is uninvolved.  Even if you bought sperm from a bank.  Every child does have a father.


No, actually, the correct term is "sperm donor" in that situation. My son decidedly does NOT have a father.

 

OP, I would just say, "our family is the two of us" and leave it at that.

post #20 of 20
I would probably have responded with something like, "Wow. I'm just going to assume you don't mean to be as rude an obnoxious as you are being."
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