Am I being Crazy and Unreasonable: UPDATE Please read!

[treqi]

A bit of background- XH and I split in April 2008, he is in the Army. He has seen her 2 times since then once over Thanksgiving Break 2009 and again in January 2010 for 10days. He has spoken to her on my phone a handful of times in the last 2 years easily less than 10 times. He is now in town for visitation, our parenting plan says he has "liberal parenting time when in town on leave", I take this to understand that we discuss a parenting plan and go forth from there as of yesterday he is refusing to speak to me... I have been kind and level headed through all of this and am just looking to maintain a level of normalcy in my daughters life while he is here and am very willing to do any driving that is necessary. He says he doesn't want to see me everyday but he will be at his parents house so its not like he has to talk to me when I drop her off, All I am looking for is some communication with me about visitation. I emailed him the following visitation schedule 4 days before he came to town and he didn't reply until Saturday night, when her was about 4 hours away.

Here is a message I sent to some more distant Facebook friends looking for objective insight:

I'm going through issues with my ex... I wrote up a visitation schedule that looks like this:

May 1st- 4pm-8pm

2nd- 12pm- overnight

3rd- Joy will pick up at 4:30-5pm

4th- 12pm- overnight

5th- Joy will pick up at 12:30pm

6th- 12pm-overnight

7th- All Day

8th- Joy will pick up at 3pm

9th- 1pm- overnight

10th- Joy will pick up at 5:30pm 1

1th- 12pm- overnight

12th- Joy will pick up at 12:30pm

He verbally agreed to it last Thursday when I called him to confirm his visit as he hadn't called or replied to my email outlining the schedule. He informed me that he would need to be in Denver on Monday and Friday so we would just go with the schedule on the days he would be in town. Saturday night he writes me an email saying he wants to have Leila Tuesday through Friday. I told him we needed to talk about it and he first refused to talk to me and then we had a short IM conversation where not much was discussed and he just said he wanted her Tues-Fri. He does not call her through my phone or write her the last time he saw her was 1 1/2years ago in Jan 2010. I believe he speaks to her over Skype when she is at her grandmas house about once a month. I am trying to maintain a level of normalcy in her life while he is here such as going to preschool MWF mornings and swim lessons on TTh night and her Awanas on Tues especially since this is her last week of both swim lessons and Awanas. So between his refusal to talk to me and the attitudes I am receiving from his family I am at a loss of what to do. I believe I will skip the visitation on Tuesday and then just continue with my schedule but I'd really like to know if I am being unreasonable(with the schedule I drew up and with my insistence on talking to him about the visitation schedule). All I am asking is that he talk with me about the visitation schedule if he wants to change it. Thank you so much!

If you read all this you're a champ, thanks in advance!

[StephandOwen]

Ummmm.... that is way more than generous. Overnights right off the bat for a 4 year old child who hasn't seen that parent in 1 1/2 years? Yeah, you get saint award for that one.

I would agree to nothing more than you have offered.

[treqi]

He's going to be staying at her grandmas house where she has a weekly or biweekly overnight so I knew she would be ok with them. I just don't want her life completely interrupted by someone who has only contributed monetarily because he is in the Army and his wages can be garnished, I don't expect child support after he is out of the Army. He doesn't call, doesn't write and never returns her calls when she leaves him voicemails.

[StephandOwen]

Weekly or biweekly overnights is a lot different than 6 overnights in less than 2 weeks (am I counting right?). Given that info though, I still wouldn't agree to anything more than what you are offering. Tues-Fri is kinda ridiculous.

[MissLotus]

You are putting your child's best interests first - and are being more than generous with time.  In fact, I think it's even too much, given that she really doesn't know him.  "Liberal parenting time" doesn't mean he makes an announcement and you have to abandon your child's whole schedule and sense of stability.  You've offered frequent visits.  If you think that he'll just keep her and not give her back for several days, don't give her over to him and tell him he can go to court for regular visits.  Which I don't think he will as he doesn't sound like a motivated father.  Sorry you're going through this!

[treqi]

Ok so Ive decided to call a mediator, I should qualify for the low income fee waiver through the court(thank goodness!). What goes on in mediation, I've never been? Do I need to bring anything? What happens afterward? Thanks!