Rant!

[hjdmom24]

I don't post here much but I read often. I just have to rant about my ex and have no one to talk to so it's going here.

A little history: we were together for 7 years he is not the father of my oldest but took on that role and takes him as well as the two that are his on the weekends he has them.He left me for a woman who he is now married too and was married too for almost a year before I even knew about it. I have zero feelings for him but he still is in love or lust with me which is annoying and now causing trouble.

When I picked them up my oldest immediately started in on me about how he must be a pedophile, and he is loser cuz he doesn't have a job (he is working hard to get one) and that no good man would want to be with me because of all the kids so he must be no good.Now my son knows none of this is true and that I would never endanger my kids (he told me so later). It just pisses me off their dad would do that to them and me. I don't like his wife but she is good to my kids and I never badmouth her to or in front of them.

My ex told me we need to talk about the future. I am afraid he is going to request more time with them now that he has the financial upper hand. As it is now I have to literally drag my kids to the car on their weekends to see him. They do OK once a month but not twice and surely more will be very upsetting to them. I am just so frustrated with his attitude and I know it all stems from jealousy because when I am single he has nothing but praise for me but as soon as he hears I'm seeing someone then I am a horrible parent and person.

If you got this far thanks..it's so hard when there is no one to talk to in real life.

[doubledutch]

so ex is saying that stuff (in the middle paragraph) to your kids about your new bf?  and then the oldest repeats it back to you?  that's really obnoxious.  i'm sorry.

as far as getting more visitation, all you can do is prepare (and hope he doesn't get around to it).  do you have formal custody/visitation orders?  if so, obviously you don't have to give him anymore than is ordered.  if he's been taking less time with him than he's entitled to, that's a major point on your side of the argument to keep it like it is.  if you don't have orders, then keep it like it is until he wins something different in court.  he has agreed to this so far, and if he wants it to change, the burden is on him to file for visitation, although it's also beneficial to you to have it formalized.

i understand your worry about your kids.  if he does get more visitation, they may not like it, but they will adjust.  sometimes it's easier to go somewhere more frequently because then it's more normal, more a part of the routine.  and while i'm sure it's lovely to spend time as a big family, it may be really nice to get extra quiet time with just your little baby and new partner - maybe not what you would choose, but i'm trying to look on the bright side.  that is, if he were to get more visitation . . . which he probably won't.

[hjdmom24]

Thanks for the reply. My ex actually called me today and it turns out the future stuff he was talking about was not wanting to have the kids on his "birthday weekend" No problem by me!

I reminded him that  he needs to watch what he says to the kids especially my oldest, of course he denied saying anything negative about my boyfriend.

I suggested maybe cutting his weekends back to once a month because then the kids are happy to go see him. He said that makes him feel like he should just not see them at all and not be part of their lives...overreact much!? He did point out to me that I don't keep him informed of the kids activities enough so I am going to make a point to let send him the soccer schedules and tell him about any school conferences or activities. I guess I don't think to tell him because I assume he won't make it and I am a bit resentful he gets to pick and choose what he feels like attending.

Overall I feel better about things and hope he stays as even mood wise as he was today...unlikely but I can dream.

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by hjdmom24 

Thanks for the reply. My ex actually called me today and it turns out the future stuff he was talking about was not wanting to have the kids on his "birthday weekend" No problem by me!

gawd these guys . . . their priorities . . . sheesh!  it gets so stupid sometimes.  glad it was nothing serious.

I reminded him that  he needs to watch what he says to the kids especially my oldest, of course he denied saying anything negative about my boyfriend. of course!

I suggested maybe cutting his weekends back to once a month because then the kids are happy to go see him. He said that makes him feel like he should just not see them at all and not be part of their lives...overreact much!? sounds like something my ex would say!  He did point out to me that I don't keep him informed of the kids activities enough so I am going to make a point to let send him the soccer schedules and tell him about any school conferences or activities. I guess I don't think to tell him because I assume he won't make it and I am a bit resentful he gets to pick and choose what he feels like attending.  yeah, i've realized i also don't do a great job of this, mostly because ex wasn't engaged when we were together. i know what you mean.

Overall I feel better about things and hope he stays as even mood wise as he was today...unlikely but I can dream.