Okay so... I am delivering in a hospital.
I mainly post in the HB and UC forums because I feel MOST at home here and most of the HB and UC people understand how Im feeling. I don't really have a choice but to do a hospital delivery and even though I get to have my midwives and water birth too... I still am TOTALLY overwhelmed with the conventionalism being shoved down my throat as I've grown comfortably into my cruntchy shell.
But I REALLY feel like I'm losing my backbone and I don't know what to do.
So, I have an antibody to a gene trait my husband carries. My son's blood passed into mine during his birth years ago and that was when I developed this antibody.
My titers (antibodies) are monitored throughout my pregnancies to make sure they aren't raising which would indicate I have recognized the baby has this gene trait and am fighting the baby off by killing off their red blood cells. They raised a little in March from a trace antibody to 1-7. The next draw showed no change, still at 1-7. An ultrasound showed no indications that the baby was being fought off, however his heart rate is at the lowest end of the spectrum (normal is 110-160, his baseline is 110 consistantly through the past month).
The Health science university hospital I am going to is freaking out because they are unfamiliar with this specific Antibody issue and the fact his heart rate is at the low end of the spectrum. The only way of fixing the issue if I was fighting the baby off would be to deliver or have an in-utero blood transfusion.. which is out of the question now that Im term.
They want to induce me before 39 weeks... which is this Friday because they don't like not-knowing.
Im TOTALLY not okay with that. Oh, did I mention I'm GBS+ ? Yeah, that too.
So, I REALLY want to go naturally, this is my 7th baby and I already know I have to rush to the hospital to get the IV fluids in me because I have fast labors. It feels more-or-less like everything has stopped too. I'm BARELY having contractions which is very unlike me. I normally have a lot of really good ones by now. He moves all the time but I just feel like everything is on pause... and time is ticking away because they are hot to induce me.
The midwife stripped my membranes today... and I barely felt it. She said she got all around his head too and couldnt even get higher if she wanted to... because he is WAY low (I have a separated symphasis so my pelvis is nice and wide) but I barely felt anything. Baby is sunny side up and it's killing my pubic bone and back... I just dont know what to do from here and it REALLY depresses me. I'm a total advocate for natural non intervention births and my husband is just as much. He has his foot cocked and ready but it's still ME who has to face the midwife at the hospital by myself and figure out what to say when she asks, "Well, Jyn... when is your cut off mark for when you would agree to be induced....?"
She was a homebirth midwife for 20 years... and a lot of the other midwifes seem so much more conventional... yet she still comes off with that smell of hospital-mentality on her sleeve. She never even heard that Borage Seed oil had more prostaglandins in it than EPO capsules... she was asking me how I would naturally want to be induced and with what... (huh? You're the midwife!) and just seems ignorant of even things Im very familiar with studying on the midwivery website archives (gentlebirth.com is fabulous).
Anyway, blah blah blah- Im just in a funk. I feel like Im close to just giving in and I know I'm going to kick myself for it later. Everything just feels so off. My body is ready but my psyche is not. I don't want to be railroaded into this but I'm just so tired and drained.... I don;t know what to go with and most of the immediate people around me other than my husband is saying. "Well they're the professionals! Sometimes you just have to shoot for the healthy baby, even if you dont get your natural birth.."