Need some encouragement, ladies....

[Jynuine]

Okay so... I am delivering in a hospital.

I mainly post in the HB and UC forums because I feel MOST at home here and most of the HB and UC people understand how Im feeling. I don't really have a choice but to do a hospital delivery and even though I get to have my midwives and water birth too... I still am TOTALLY overwhelmed with the conventionalism being shoved down my throat as I've grown comfortably into my cruntchy shell.

But I REALLY feel like I'm losing my backbone and I don't know what to do.

So, I have an antibody to a gene trait my husband carries. My son's blood passed into mine during his birth years ago and that was when I developed this antibody.

My titers (antibodies) are monitored throughout my pregnancies to make sure they aren't raising which would indicate I have recognized the baby has this gene trait and am fighting the baby off by killing off their red blood cells. They raised a little in March from a trace antibody to 1-7. The next draw showed no change, still at 1-7. An ultrasound showed no indications that the baby was being fought off, however his heart rate is at the lowest end of the spectrum (normal is 110-160, his baseline is 110 consistantly through the past month).

The Health science university hospital I am going to is freaking out because they are unfamiliar with this specific Antibody issue and the fact his heart rate is at the low end of the spectrum. The only way of fixing the issue if I was fighting the baby off would be to deliver or have an in-utero blood transfusion.. which is out of the question now that Im term.

They want to induce me before 39 weeks... which is this Friday because they don't like not-knowing.

Fun.

Im TOTALLY not okay with that. Oh, did I mention I'm GBS+ ? Yeah, that too.

So, I REALLY want to go naturally, this is my 7th baby and I already know I have to rush to the hospital to get the IV fluids in me because I have fast labors. It feels more-or-less like everything has stopped too. I'm BARELY having contractions which is very unlike me. I normally have a lot of really good ones by now. He moves all the time but I just feel like everything is on pause... and time is ticking away because they are hot to induce me.

The midwife stripped my membranes today... and I barely felt it. She said she got all around his head too and couldnt even get higher if she wanted to... because he is WAY low (I have a separated symphasis so my pelvis is nice and wide) but I barely felt anything. Baby is sunny side up and it's killing my pubic bone and back... I just dont know what to do from here and it REALLY depresses me. I'm a total advocate for natural non intervention births and my husband is just as much. He has his foot cocked and ready but it's still ME who has to face the midwife at the hospital by myself and figure out what to say when she asks, "Well, Jyn... when is your cut off mark for when you would agree to be induced....?"

She was a homebirth midwife for 20 years... and a lot of the other midwifes seem so much more conventional... yet she still comes off with that smell of hospital-mentality on her sleeve. She never even heard that Borage Seed oil had more prostaglandins in it than EPO capsules... she was asking me how I would naturally want to be induced and with what... (huh? You're the midwife!) and just seems ignorant of even things Im very familiar with studying on the midwivery website archives (gentlebirth.com is fabulous).

Anyway, blah blah blah- Im just in a funk. I feel like Im close to just giving in and I know I'm going to kick myself for it later. Everything just feels so off. My body is ready but my psyche is not. I don't want to be railroaded into this but I'm just so tired and drained.... I don;t know what to go with and most of the immediate people around me other than my husband is saying. "Well they're the professionals! Sometimes you just have to shoot for the healthy baby, even if you dont get your natural birth.."

Grrr......

[dayiscoming2006]

Hard to say what the right decision is. I think if baby is fine, that you should continue on with the pregnancy, but maybe you could use the borage seed oil to help things progress faster. I didn't know about that but if it's supposed to be stronger and you need things to go quicker, then maybe that's the way to go.

Sorry that you are having all this trouble. I'm not a fan of antibiotics unless there is a medical need. (Ex. baby comes out and is fighting off a serious infection.) Also, you know some of the natural remedies against GBS. But, it's ultimately your decision.

I'd still be wanting my UC in your case, unless something else came up. 

If you do ultimately still go with the hospital, I hope it all goes well for you. Sucks to be in that situation. 

[camprunner]

If you are Christian at all, SuperNatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize helped me accept going to the hospital with my first baby. DH was adamently againstt homebirth.  The book made me see that going to the hospital wasn't the end of the world and I ended up having an excellent (almost too good to be true) hospital birth.  I had to concede to some things before going to the hospital that some how never actually happened like an IV well. 

[dayiscoming2006]

Don't know what that is about camprunner. But, I am a Christian and have had 2 really crummy hospital births. If that book is some "name it and claim it" junk. It just doesn't work. You were blessed to have a good birth thankfully, but that isn't always going to be the case.

I do think that Jyn has a decent set up for a hospital birth though and it could/will likely be just fine. She had one previous successful, natural hospital birth and if she has to go that route again, I hope it goes just as well. 

[camprunner]

It isn't so much the name it and claim it part that help so much that it is a proponent of hospital birth which I needed because I was really upset about dh making me go to the hospital. My birth wasn't painless.  I had a third degree tear.  BUT it did help me accept that I was going to the hospital and it wasn't the end of the world.  It also gave me some verses to keep in my which did help ME.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

Don't know what that is about camprunner. But, I am a Christian and have had 2 really crummy hospital births. If that book is some "name it and claim it" junk. It just doesn't work. You were blessed to have a good birth thankfully, but that isn't always going to be the case.

I do think that Jyn has a decent set up for a hospital birth though and it could/will likely be just fine. She had one previous successful, natural hospital birth and if she has to go that route again, I hope it goes just as well. 

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by Jynuine 

I still am TOTALLY overwhelmed with the conventionalism being shoved down my throat as I've grown comfortably into my cruntchy shell.

But I REALLY feel like I'm losing my backbone and I don't know what to do.

First off, breathe   I hear a LOT of anxiety in your post, and rightfully so.  But it sounds like you might be facing a more complex situation than *average.*  It's okay to be unsure, or to weigh decisions carefully.  It doesn't mean that you're losing your backbone...  You sound like you're being thoughtful and realistic.  Give yourself credit for your strength!  Uncertainty or ability to change isn't weakness

Originally Posted by Jynuine 

The Health science university hospital I am going to is freaking out because they are unfamiliar with this specific Antibody issue and the fact his heart rate is at the low end of the spectrum. The only way of fixing the issue if I was fighting the baby off would be to deliver or have an in-utero blood transfusion.. which is out of the question now that Im term.

They want to induce me before 39 weeks... which is this Friday because they don't like not-knowing.

Fun.

Im TOTALLY not okay with that. Oh, did I mention I'm GBS+ ? Yeah, that too.

I am unfortunately not familiar with your situation at all, so humor me on the questions (they might be dumb).  Do you happen to know how fast a heart rate can drop with this anti-body issue?  Is it something where one minute your child is fine, and the next, not so much?  Or would it be something where they can monitor it daily and if it drops more, you can make a decision then?  And you mentioned the blood titers...  How long do those results take to get back?  Is it something you can have tested Friday morning, and then make a better decision on later in the afternoon?

On the GBS thing...  With hospital births, the fear is a long labor, correct?  That if you go in to the hospital in early labor for the antibiotics, and then have a long labor, that pit/drugs would be coerced or forced?  Have you talked about this specific aspect with your midwife?  What kind of "clock" does OHSU have?  Is it something where you can just decline the clock?  Or have your partner decline anything unless baby's heartrate is getting dangerous?  That's a scary prospect for me too, so don't hear me as saying "oh easy peasy..."  Just trying to brainstorm for you.  If OHSU is cooperative, and agrees that you won't be on any sort of clock unless REAL danger presents itself, then maybe you could at least cross that part off your stressful checklist?

Originally Posted by Jynuine 

I just dont know what to do from here and it REALLY depresses me. I'm a total advocate for natural non intervention births and my husband is just as much. He has his foot cocked and ready but it's still ME who has to face the midwife at the hospital by myself and figure out what to say when she asks, "Well, Jyn... when is your cut off mark for when you would agree to be induced....?

Why are you at the hospital alone?  Or are you referring to the fact that as mamas, we make the final call (hopefully)?  It sometimes felt overwhelming to me to have a partner who WAS so supportive, just because then the entire burden of decision fell solely to me.  And that can feel rough!

Originally Posted by Jynuine 

Anyway, blah blah blah- Im just in a funk. I feel like Im close to just giving in and I know I'm going to kick myself for it later. Everything just feels so off. My body is ready but my psyche is not. I don't want to be railroaded into this but I'm just so tired and drained.... I don;t know what to go with and most of the immediate people around me other than my husband is saying. "Well they're the professionals! Sometimes you just have to shoot for the healthy baby, even if you dont get your natural birth.."

It's going to be hard for your body to do its thing feeling so stressed, sad, and funky (and not the good way).  Can you take some time alone tomorrow?  Easier said than done with kids in the house, but is there any way you can draw yourself a bath and have a glass of wine?  Make some love?  Oh gosh, I feel for you mama.

I'd say if you feel like you're "giving in," then it's not the right decision, be it with induction, augmentation, whatever.  BUT, I would also try to weigh the science and reality of your situation.  Are tests being done as often as they can be?  How quickly can you get results from them?  How serious is heartrate, and how quickly can it change?  What do those changes indicate, and do you know how quickly you have to act within safety if changes present themselves?  I'd also maybe make a list of your fears, and make sure that your midwife really addresses them.  If OHSU doesn't really have a clock, then it's not really a worry if you're there for 5 hours before you give birth, or 48 hours.  And if your midwife asks you a question that you don't have an answer to, then let her know.  "I don't have a good answer for that right now.  Can I think on it for the rest of the day and do some research, or is this a life or death question?"

I'm sorry you're trying to weigh whether or not the risks are real, or whether they're just paranoia on the part of your practitioners.  If you can, try to enjoy this sunshine we're having.  Go walk up the hill to Washington park.  Try to do anything that can help you relax.

Sorry mama.  Wish I had better advice.