I am the ONLY one who did not enjoy their HB?

[kr mom]

I feel like I am the only person on the planet who's hb was the traumatic part, not the hospital. I'm certain most of that comes from terrible care on midwives part. It was my first baby, planned homebirth transport due to asynclitic positioning and no baby after a few hours of pushing. The transport was awful, pushing all the way to the hospital in the car (uncontrollable) and the nurses at the hospital were so much more caring, supportive and encouraging than the midwives were throughout the entire labor! 

Thankfully, I was still able to deliver vaginally with the help of an episiotomy & vacuum and without any medications. Anyway aside from the lack of support or guidance I needed from midwives who failed me, my laboring at home was of course painful (expected) but I felt, extremely exhausted, delirious, uncertain of what was happening and just overall there wasn't anything I particularly enjoyed about it.

Maybe if I had been able to push her out at home, it would have all seemed o.k. Bad things not as magnified or masked by it ending well and I wouldn't have this unfavorable sense about hb as I do now. 

As I find myself thinking about baby #2 I still wonder if I should give it another go after the bad first experience!?! I tell myself things like: I would know what is going on, what it feels like, how I react to labor, be better prepared for a transport if again necessary, have a better midwife (already found an awesome one), with it being my 2nd labor should go quicker, etc. etc.

But then I am still so worried and would be uneasy about things like shoulder dystocia, pph, exhaustion again, etc. I ask myself if I would even have the strength to do it at home. And I tend to think, yes!! I already did it the first time, surely the second would be easier? I just don't feel like I have 100% confidence in the homebirth process, your body knows what to do, etc. And think that could have a huge negative effect or impact on my labor couldn't it?

The 2 reasons why I would WANT to try a homebirth again are 1) I guess I'm still hoping to have that blissful, serene homebirth you see in most hb videos.  And 2) I want to avoid unnecessary interventions. Our hospital has a 50% c section rate!! 

I feel so strongly that unnecessary intervention could result in a c section & that in itself seems worth attempting a second hb.

There aren't any birthing centers in my area, or that would solve all my problems.

Anyway just wondering if anyone was disappointed by their homebirth experience & wondering if you will try again?

Thank you so much for your thoughts! 

[Evergreen]

I hated my second birth. It wsn't my fault or my midwife's fault but it was an extremely difficult labor. When I found out I was pregnant 4 years later I cried because I was not ready to go through that again. I am now about a month away from having my third child and I am planning a home birth but I am stil not entirely sure I want to go through it all again. Part of me thinks that going to the hospital and getting an epidural might be easier and better for me. I am such a home birth supporter, though, that seems wrong.

[camprunner]

I actually liked my hospital birth better.  I've told my story before so sorry if it's a repeat.  I don't blame my midwife or anyone involved (except maybe dh just a tiny bit; wish he'd been more of an advocate when I needed one) for the bad experience though.  I knew my midwife didn't have all that much experience when I hried her. At the time I thought, and still do, that I just needed a third party who could think clearly when I knew dh and I couldn't.

I called her fairly early in labor to give her a heads up.  Her husband let me know she was at a birth and gave me her cell phone number.  She had no back up plan (although she told me there would be people she could send when I interviewed her).  She sent the assistant at the birth she was at (a midwife starting her own practice) who barely made it in time for the birth (at least 5 hours later).  The back up midwife was great during the birth itself. Very calming. However, she didn't have a lot of experience stitches (from what I could see) and the anestetic didn't work which I tolerated for about an hour and a half. I refused more because I didn't "want a needle down there". There was already a needle down there but there was no one to talk sense into me because dh was occupied with the baby, there was no assistant, the midwife was tired and frustrated, and I had chosen not to hire a doula because we really couldn't afford it.  After an hour and a half, I was left partially unstitched and told horror stories about how I would never heal right by both the midwives (the one I hired and the backup).

While the midwife was stitching DH took the baby and left the room. He only came back to let me know every 15 minutes that the baby needed to nurse and I was in no positiion to satisfy that need. He did not support me as he heard me screaming down the hall.

I had people from my church come in later that day and search my entire house. For what, I'm not sure but they looked in every room under the excuse that they were delivering food.

I am having a lot of anxiety about this time (especially because I had an almost too good to be true hospital birth).  However, this time I did hire a more experienceed midwife (the other is no longer practicing or I wouldn't have had a problem hiring her again).  Not only that, by the time the midwives arrived the next day to check on me, they were already talking about alternatives for women who couldn't tolerate the stitching.  Fast forward a few years, while  no one knew whose birth it was, many people had heard my story (I shared it with some other homebirthing moms) and have been told that the midwife specifically used my story as a reason she started having more specific back up plans.

So to sum it up:

1. Yes, I'm slightly nervous but have expressed my anxietey over stitches with my current midwives.

2. I'm more worried that my hospital eexperience was a fluke because I've never known anyone who was allowed to give birth squatting on the floor since. Not to mention I got by without antibiotics for group B strep and was hooked up to nothing.

3.  I didn't transfer, so even though I was very hurt that the baby was taken from me for so long (the hour and a half of stitching) and dh deserted me with the baby. The baby over all was treated much better because she was with her father rather than lying in a warmer crying!

4. I learned that  I need more ground rules this time.

[Monarchgrrl]

I didn't enjoy mine, either. I LOVED my midwife and I couldn't have breastfed my DD without her. I received amazing care and everything went perfectly. But I will say, in my mind, the only thing that made it worth it was being home afterward. I loved not having to fight for what I wanted for DD. My midwives knew just what I wanted. DD was handed to me and didn't get moved until I was ready, about 1.5 hours later. I don't actually know if I would have had to fight in a hospital, though. I imagine I would. But I'm also glad I didn't have to leave the house for 2 weeks after. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck for over a week and can't imagine having to ride home in a car the next day. And I absolutely would not have been able to take DD to any ped appts afterward. I love that my midwife did all baby care for the first 6 weeks.

My labor was 27 hours, all back labor. Only 20 min of pushing, though. Just reading your story, OP, I shudder! The ONLY ONLY ONLY reason I didn't transfer to the hospital for pain meds is because I couldn't imagine riding in the car with someone pushing on my back. And there was no way I wasn't going to have someone pushing on my back the whole time.

DW has some actual trauma and PTSD from our homebirth. She felt very helpless and couldn't take seeing me in so much pain. It was HORRIBLE for her. She was just praying for it to end the whole time. She had some difficulty bonding with DD after because she was just imagining it was the baby that caused me so much pain. :( She says she will never go through that again, so if we were to have another, she would not be for a homebirth.

I'm almost 100% sure we're are only having one child, but if we change our minds in the future, most likely I will choose my wonderful midwife to be my doula and we'll have a hospital birth with an epidural. That's so hard for me to admit because I'm such a HUGE homebirth advocate. I just don't think I could do it again. My midwife also said something you said. That I already did it once and I can totally do it again! And most second labors are shorter. But, especially with having another child to deal with, I don't think I'd want to do it at home. I'd want to rest up at the hospital, let them clean and DW could take care of first child, instead of her having to do everything herself. But...I probably won't have to decide anyway.

ETA: I guess I can't actually say I didn't enjoy my homebirth. It's the pain I didn't enjoy and probably would not choose to go through again. But I am glad I was home once DD was out and the pain was gone.

Edited by Monarchgrrl - 5/9/11 at 3:02pm

[Midwife Scottie]

It breaks my heart to hear these stories! But it is also good for me to hear them! We become midwives because we believe in natural childbirth/ homebith but it is good to be reminded that some women really do birth better in a hospital. Just two points:

1. As already stated second births are MUCH easier most of the time

2. Childbirth shouldnt be thought of as just a way to get a baby. It is a journey that you and your baby go through togeather. Sometimes this journey is really really hard and it sucks, sometimes it is a little easier but the journey IS VERY important. It think you grow as a mother and a person when you go through challenges and adversity.

That being said birth trauma does not help anyone. You can have a beautiful, fulfilling birth in the hospital- you just may have to work and fight a little harder for it. I have seen women who would not otherwise have had a vaginal birth (without much trauma, time, and risking health of baby and mama) get to the hospital and with an epidural push out their baby in a very empowering way. Listen to your heart- it will tell you what to do with your next birth.

[Kanna]

I had my kind in a hospital and it was PERFECT.

The hospital's midwives (they changed shifts halfway through the birth) were nice, answered all our questions in depth and brought us stuff to drink.

Doctor looked in on the birth from time to time and when I was ready to bring our daughter into the world, it was a mommy/doctor/midwife team effort.

I didn't have to worry about anything, be it cooking or cleaning or how to properly change nappies / nurse my child since the nurses / hospital staff either took care of it or (in case of the nappies / nursing) taught us how to do it properly.

Also, I felt incredibly safe because I knew that IF there were ANY complications, doctors and any kind of equipment I could want for (from warming beds to oxygen) was only a snap of my fingers away.

[ibusymomto5]

I don't necessarily enjoy natural labor, but I've loved my homebirths way better than my 2 hospital births. I think I dread the labor a little more each time, as the hard and painful work is all too familiar in my mind having gone through it so many times. But, I love my midwives... I've used the same practice for my last 7 births and have had 5 different midwives and 1 assistant in that time, and they've all been absolutely wonderful, on the ball, very educated, calming, nurturing, respectful of our wishes, gentle with me and the baby, and awesome after the birth doing thorough postpartum care, cleaning up the birth space, doing laundry, cooking, etc. I've felt loved and pampered each time, much more so than I ever did in the hospital where grumpy and bossy nurses strictly enforced visiting hours and where I had to fight tooth and nail to keep baby in my room with me. Also, the babymoon after a homebirth is so much better. There's a great comfort in being able to use your own toilet and shower, being able to eat what you want when you want, having total control over visitors, not having hospital staff come in your room, and knowing you don't have to pack up and make a car trip home in a day or two.

I must admit, though, when transition hits I always dream of how wonderful an epidural might feel, but then I'm always glad I couldn't get one once it's all said and done and I immediately feel so energetic and mobile once baby is out.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl 

I didn't enjoy mine, either. I LOVED my midwife and I couldn't have breastfed my DD without her. I received amazing care and everything went perfectly. But I will say, in my mind, the only thing that made it worth it was being home afterward. I loved not having to fight for what I wanted for DD. My midwives knew just what I wanted. DD was handed to me and didn't get moved until I was ready, about 1.5 hours later. I don't actually know if I would have had to fight in a hospital, though. I imagine I would. But I'm also glad I didn't have to leave the house for 2 weeks after. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck for over a week and can't imagine having to ride home in a car the next day. And I absolutely would not have been able to take DD to any ped appts afterward. I love that my midwife did all baby care for the first 6 weeks.

I agree with this.  My birth was incredibly painful and it was hard to get over that.  I'd had a natural birth before (pitocin induced none the less!) and 2 epi births.  I would have given my right arm for an epi!  But everything else was exactly as I would have wanted it.  From the delicate care of my newborn, to being pampered in bed with nothing to fight about.

I don't think there's a right answer.  DH has had a vasectomy so as far as we know the point is moot, but I'm glad I don't have to go through labor again.

[GoBecGo]

I've had 2, both at home.

With DD1, on paper i had a "good" labour.  My waters broke without labour at 3am.  Contractions began an hour or so later but were mild until midday.  At 2.30pm i was examined by an NHS midwife i'd never met before (despite having domino care supposedly so i'd know the MW who delivered me) and found to be 2-3cm, 50% effaced.  I had been 1-2cm, 50% effaced for literally a month (i was 41+4 and had had 5 sweeps, amongst other things, to try to get my labour started).  The midwife told me i wasn't in labour and left.  2.5 hours later she came back with a 2nd on call.  She bounced her fingers on my bump during contractions (breath-takingly painful) and shook her head at the 2nd on-call to indicate i wasn't having strong contractions.  She gave me gas and air (i'd not wanted it, but by then i was in agony trying not to push - when i told her she laughed and told me not to, to take the gas instead).  She pulled faces at the noises i was making.  At 6pm the 2nd on call asked when did i last pee and i was dispatched to the toilet, without the gas, to try.  While there i had a contraction i couldn't avoid without the gas and DD's head crowned.  Back in the bedroom i was told to lie down for a VE.  The midwives had a little meeting together by the window, then over her shoulder the first told me i should expect that if i WAS 4cm ("which you really might not be") i should be prepared for 7 more hours of dilating, descent and pushing and given i was still roaring and yelling through the peaks maybe i should consider transfer since i wasn't coping too well.  The whole time XP was pointing at me, stuttering, looking between my thighs (where, if they had GLANCED, they would have observed the head, born to the ears).  FInally they turned round and came closer to see what he was fretting over.  My DD was born, shoulders in direct OA.  The first on call clamped the cord (despite us wanting to delay clamping) then XP cut it (since it cannot be unclamped), then DD went blue (Apgars were 9, 7, 10) and had to have suctioning and oxygen.  Then the MW began panicking about my placenta and yanking on my cord (i could feel the fundus bouncing inside me, it was terrifying) so eventually i said to give me the syntometrine (imagining that it must have been a long time, given how worried she was.  It was 12minutes to the birth of the placenta.  Overall i felt like i'd been hit by a train.  I can vividly remember holding DD and wondering when i should push.  Fighting that very real NEED to push for 2 hours was utterly terrifying and i never want to do it again.  It was AWFUL.  I know how lucky i was, on paper, short labour, healthy baby, home birth.  But it was far from what i envisioned.  

With DD2 i found an independent midwife.  I had a weird labour - ctx every 10mins half the night, never really picking up, until eventually i began grunting at the peaks and thought i'd better call.  My contractions didn't get closer or regular until after i called her to attend.  She came, i was having 1 in 5, in the bath.  She observed the purple line on my butt, asked where i wanted to deliver as i looked fully to her.  I chose the bedroom, had another ctxn, my waters went, which felt amazing.  I felt inside myself, couldn't feel anything, was concerned as i felt like i was going to push soon and for some reason i knew i needed to know if there was any reason not to totally go for it.  She did a VE with me on all-fours so i wouldn't have to move, i was fully.  I pushed for 6mins.  DD2 came out salmon pink and screaming, with apgars of 10, 10 and 10 and a true knot in her cord, velamentous and marginal insertion and heart-shaped placenta.  As i was pushing i was holding DD's head and the MW kept saying "you're doing this all yourself, my hands are here but you're doing it all!".  It was the most empowering moment of my life.
 

Originally Posted by kr mom 

The 2 reasons why I would WANT to try a homebirth again are 1) I guess I'm still hoping to have that blissful, serene homebirth you see in most hb videos.  And 2) I want to avoid unnecessary interventions. Our hospital has a 50% c section rate!! 

I feel so strongly that unnecessary intervention could result in a c section & that in itself seems worth attempting a second hb.

1) i would let go of that.  My labours are painful, loud and NOT visually appealing.  I don't video them.  I don't YouTube them.  They are still perfectly good, valid homebirths, and the second was incredibly fulfilling for me and others there.  But they're never going to be me breathing calmly in a birth pool, because i don't birth that way.  You might not birth that way.  You might have a noisy, messy, dramatic birth.  If you'd rather it was your own private noisy messy drama in your own house that's a good reason to HB, but if it's because you hope location will dictate mood then i would let go of it.  You MIGHT have a blissful serene birth, but being at home won't guarantee that.  I reckon the vast majority of HB's are as noisy and visceral as hospital births (maybe more so, since there's no epidurals at home!) but unfortunately we don't see them because no-one wants to video them and put them out there y/k?  Being "in control" is so valued in our society, that it's appealing to see women going through what we culturally identify as the "agony" of labour serenely, as if coping silently is more valid than coping noisily.  For some of us (me included) labour is not about control but surrender of control.  And believe me, when you hear me mooing, you can tell!

2) that's a great reason!  Even including transferred women, those who plan to homebirth have lower intervention rates.

[Gwendolyn's babies]

I have had two at  the hospital and 3 at home.

At the hospital births I had a written out plan and talked with my laboring nurse before things got intense as to what  I wanted. I wanted to go natural, I didn't want the baby taken from me (unless medically necessary). I guess I got lucky. She was a awesome laboring nurse and respected all my wishes. 

I have to add that I am rather a quiet person. My husband also knew what I wanted and he was there to make sure all was okay.

So, I had a natural birth...using the unlimited warm water beating on my back in the hospital:) Getting food served to me on trays:) and went home a day later. I know not all hospital births end up that way...but that one did.

Now, I have homebirths and love that even more, but I just wanted to say that if you have a hospital birth you can make requests.