How to protect (financially & legally) ourselves with divorce pending

[LDSmomma]

Not sure where to post this, exactly.  DH & I are having serious problems that may lead to divorce this year.  We are going to work with church leaders to get marriage counseling, which may save the marriage, but obviously I'd rather prepare for the worst.

Is there a brilliant website or book that gives suggestions on legal and financial ways to protect me & DS while we're still married, but when it's obvious it may be ending soon?

[lilyka]

I would talk to a lawyer.  They would know the specific things to do in your state.

What I was advised to do:

• Make sure bills etc get paid.  Clear out as much debt as possible.
• Open my own checking, savings and credit card account in my name only. 
• Separate anything you can....insurance, car payments (if you both have your own car), if you think you will keep the house put the utilities in your name and be responsible for the bills etc....
• Run a credit check on both of us.  This is free .  Yours and his are separate.   I was able to get my husbands before he did so I had the information in my file for free.  It was eye opening to be sure.  He had a house I did not know about.  several credit cards with thousands of dollars in debt.  Horrifying how much debt there was but most of it was entirely separate  from me.  I used our joint account to pay off as much as I could of stuff in my name.
• Cancel any credit cards with your name on them (the credit report made this easy as it had the name of the lender, amount due, and phone number.)  It is good to clean up your credit report and this will keep him from incurring debt in your name.  You can reopen store cards as you need them and get the discount.
• Encourage him to help you pay off debt and cancel any joint credit cards (the less mess you have the less it will cost you in court because you will have less to sort out and if you stay together this will just make your lives easier) He can always open a card in his name.

Of course this will not save you.  You will still be responsible for half the debt (if you have any) and he can still take half your money and you his.  What this will do is 1) Protect you if he goes all scorched earth and starts spending money just to keep it from you or running up debt.  2) Will separate your spending habits from his if this does go to court.  

Edited by lilyka - 5/3/11 at 10:39am

[LDSmomma]

Can you separate car insurance?  I thought if you lived together you had to be on the same policy.

[enjoythesilence]

I could be wrong, but I think in divorce or seperation you can have a legal order that any debt incurred after X date is that party's responsibility, so you do not have to be responsible for debt he incurs after/if you seperate.  I know you are working on things, and I wish you the best, but you may want to have a free consult with a lawyer, or several, and get some opinions on this. Many lawyers will give you 30-60 minutes of their time free. 

[onemamabrown]

I think that it really depends where you live as laws vary state to state. 

If and when you are certain that you are moving forward with a divorce you can do more to legally protect yourself.

I filed a Temporary Domestic Order with the state through a lawyer and this document really helped protect me in many ways. It prevents partners from incurring new debt or moving money, from harassing or threatening each other, from preventing contact with any children or from removing any children from the state, and from hiding assets. If violated it binds the violating party to fines or imprisonment. 

Once you get your affairs in order I would recommend seeking help from an attorney to file this document and serve your ex with it.