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Last name? - Page 2

post #21 of 26
Originally Posted by NDFanatik View Post

I'm one of the women who took her husband's last names.  In many ways I'm not traditional at all, but in many ways I still am.  Good or bad is all others opinions but I'm happy with the choice I made.  I don't feel in any way personally that I "chickened out" or that I'm not "enlightened" or whatever others might say just because I chose to take my husband's last name.  I love that we all have the same last name personally, although it's not one I would have chosen (super freaking common!!!).




Yup! Exactly my story!


post #22 of 26

I'm pretty indifferent about my last name, but my DH's last name is 14 letters long and is nearly impossible for strangers to pronounce, so there was no way I was gonna take it when we got married. But I chose to give DH's last name to DS just because that's what the norm is. While I'm pretty indifferent about my name and it doesn't bother me if people refer to me by my first name and then DH's last name, it really pisses me off when people (usually my mom!) refer to me as Mrs. DH's first name DH's last name. That makes me feel like I have no value as a person other than being DH's wife. rant.gif I had to have a talk with my mom about that!

post #23 of 26
I took dh's last name when we got married and all our children (obviously) have the same last name. My maiden name has 3 words in it and was very long, plus I had no desire to identify myself by that name for the rest of my life. Shedding my maiden name was symbolic of shedding the abuse and control my parents held over me (and still try to hold over me now).
post #24 of 26

What you say about control and abuse is very important.  Names are powerful symbols, bringing up good and bad memories with every use.  A new name helps create a new life.


My nephews both took on their wive's names mainly I think because their father left them when they were preteens.  Their mother remarried years later and changed her name to her 2nd husband's, so I'm sure the kids felt disassociated from the prior "family" name, after all they rarely saw their father and that family simply no longer existed!  I'm sure it felt freeing to them to create their new families without that unpleasant man's name attached. 


Once I got used to the idea I agreed wholeheartedly with what they had done, and so do most of their mother's relatives. 


post #25 of 26


Originally Posted by miami mommy View Post

...it really pisses me off when people (usually my mom!) refer to me as Mrs. DH's first name DH's last name. That makes me feel like I have no value as a person other than being DH's wife. rant.gif I had to have a talk with my mom about that!

Ooh! Totally agree with this ^! Don't mind at all being called "Mrs. DH's LN" but the above is just awful.


I kept my own name when we got married (DH was actually more adamant about me keeping it than I was, since he really likes my name), and now we just CAN'T decided what to do for the new little one's name. Neither of us likes that the husband's name is usually the default and DH is fine with the baby having my last name, but I think I would be sad if his name was just left out...but then we don't really want to hyphenate either, as it would be a pretty long name. Some friends of ours gave both of their two children mom's last name as a middle name, and used dad's as a last name, but I don't like the idea of our babies not having their "own" middle names, yk? We've also toyed with the idea of giving one kid my last name, another kid his last name, etc. but then I worry about the children not feeling like a whole family...I can definitely see the attraction of having a unified family last name, but I'm unwilling to change mine and I don't think DH should have to change his either. Argh...I'm trying not to worry about it too much, and DH just says the solution will come to us in a dream or something lol. 


So, actually, this post was totally unhelpful as I am just as stuck as you, OP!


post #26 of 26

Our DD has DH's last name, as will any future kids.  I pretty much get to pick the first name.  Obviously it's a discussion and he definitely has veto power but I have a bigger say.  I'm happy with this arrangement.  It also means that their full names represent both our cultures.


I grew up in a (traditional nuclear, non-blended) family where my mom kept her own last name and therefore had a different one from the one my dad and all the kids shared.  I didn't notice that it created any problems and it feels familiar to me.

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